Me and my gf are 20, she said she would have not given me a chance if i earned a low wage and wasn't doing a law degree...GOLD DIGGER?

Ok so basically me and my girlfriend broke up because she isn't sure that i'm driven enough despite me doing a law degree and she isn't sure i will provide the life she wants for herself and kids. Basically she wants a SUPER MOTIVATED and passionate guy, i'm doing law because i like it but i don't have my whole life and career planned out unlike her who wants to be a doctor and has planned her life out etc. She wants a guy motivated who earns more than her or the same but basically she said the guy has to earn a lot so the family can be reliant on his salary. She said she wants to be a mother in the future a stay at home and look after the kids so she would want to work part time and if the man earns less then she wouldn't be able to do that as the man will be dependant on her salary.

Basically she wants a rich man who earns loads, who is motivated and career driven like her, i just want to find a girl who i love and who loves me and we will work the rest out later, i couldn't care if she was a hairdresser or a lawyer just as long as i love her and she's happy. She said if she met a guy who was perfect personality wise if he worked in a local supermarket she wouldn't even give him a chance at dating her, she said the only reason she dated me is because i am doing a law degree and she thought i was super ambitious and driven to be doing law, is it just me or is she going to end up sad and lonely, is it normal to have all these expectations for a man? Am i just naive?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well...nowadays a law degree doesn't really mean that much in terms of financial stability (I don't mean that in a rude way but don't know how else to phrase it)...I know so many people who come out of law school and have a $10/hr job but tons of debt...and not just a few...a lot! Where I'm from...I know soooo many girls that are like that...so much so that for the guys to get a decent woman they have to be making no less than 6 figures or else they won't be considered...

    I think it's superficial and makes the relationship about what a person can get out of it and not love. I chose love over money. Although my BF is in med school and will be making a good amount in the future...I've passed up a good handful of guys that were interested in marrying me that are already in much higher paying positions...sometimes I regret it and wonder if I'm doing the right thing cause we won't be that financially stable for a long long time...but then I remember those guys are a dime a dozen where I'm from...

    Love is more important and what makes the relationship last...I could live in a shack and still be happy because I'm with my BF...

    Find a girl that is happy to be with YOU just for who you are...not what you have.

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    • Your right it takes a lot to succeed in law to the point where a lot of graduates can't use the degree, but to be honest like you said it shouldn't matter.

      You said you could live in a shack with your BF and still be happy, THAT IS EXACTLY THE TYPE OF WOMEN I WANT, money isn't consistent anyway if you base everything on earning what happens if the guy becomes poor if you love the peson the issues that can break up a marriage won't even bother you because you will love eachother enough to work it out.

      If you don't even love them and it's there money your after then you will just end up divorced and unhappy. To be honest i don't even think you should regret passing up the richer guys because the grass isn't always greener on the other side, sure he may have a higher wage packet but does he make you laugh, does he make you feel special? These are the most important things i mean you spend your life with this person is his $ going to make you laugh

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    • Hahaha wow that's amazing man, you let that one pass haha see that's what i'm saying love has no age or wage bracket it just is what it is.

      Beautiful story man thanks for sharing it, very helpful. That's the thing the one could be the person who you least think, that's why you have to give everyone an equal shot and chance.

      My ex would tell me how she would meet guys who would tell her they work at a supermarket or are still trying to graduate at 24 and she would just switch of cut them out completely in terms of considering them as a partner just because of this.

      It's wrong man because the guy who works at a supermarket could have the potential to be a successful entrepreneur who knows, i mean people take different routes in life perhaps her role could be to support and bring this drive out of the man and she would reep the benefits if she wasn't so shallow and rigid in her thinking.

      She just wants it all now without working for it she wants a ready made machine

    • Yeah...love really is blind...my BF is of another culture/religion from my family so I never would have thought I'd be with someone so different...that poses other problems though because my family would not beaccepting. I totally agree with you...she is shutting herself out from so many guys with potential including yourself...but thankfully you don't have to deal withthat anymore...It's her loss really

What Girls Said 18

  • no girl should be in any guys salary and financial business i could see if you guys were married but she shouldn't doubt your work ethic or your ability to do good in life she should just be supportive and there for you no matter how the outcome turns out to be but you seem like a smart guy any way to get into law my mind doesn't think money when i hear this i just look at it as a smart guy trying to do a lot for his himself and his future but when a girl doubts you she is out for more and her intentions won't get her far because she's looking for someone to pay her way into sucess and a good life but it takes to independent people to make a good relationship my opinion is you shouldn't rely on your partner for a lot unless your married and you shouldn't expect or ask a person to do stuff for u they should want to out of the kindness of there heart your going to get far sweetie but a little advice don't tell anyone much about your career stuff or goals because people will try to come in the way of seeing u be sucessful and sad to say this a lot of people are out for themself i learned that the hard way but u will do good u got my support.

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    • Totally right me doing a law degree or meeting someone who is sucessful should just mean they are a smart person who is hard working that's it, it shouldn't be the reason you date a person.

      Your totally right about keeping your career goals to yourself to ward of haters and potential gold digging women.

      Thanks a lot for the advice

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    • Haha thanks i tried to follow back but it said your profile may be private or you may not be active lol but yeah i always post questions so i could do with the support definatly, you guys offer such wonderful advice.

      Thanks again for 1000th time ;)

    • Ur welcome =) i tried sending u a message but wouldn't let me do it i just wanted to make sure ur okay can i send u a message =/please

  • You're mistaking what attracts women for what attracts you and then judge women by male standards.

    Women are attracted to power. That means, a man's ability to protect her, lead her, provide for her etc.
    And this can be achieved with intelligence (this is most attractive to me, the guy can be poor, but if he is very smart, he is hot to me), drive (what your girl wants), physical strength (some girls focus on this), social skill (manifested trough sense of humor, number of friends, influence, even good looks-not as much though), etc.
    Also all this in combination. Depends on the girl and what she puts first, or if she even cares about a particular one.

    Some girl will insist on drive because they are more materialistic, some girls are intellectual parasites who want to learn everything, but don't care about the material as much, so they will require high IQ and learning, some girl just like power point blank, destructive raw power, so they will get wet when they see the Boston bomber on TV, some girls are retarded, and the only expression of male power they can perceive is physical strength, so they will seek out buff guys.

    Men are on the other hand attracted to femininity. First and foremost beauty, gentleness, even submissiveness (most guys feel castrated if controlled by a woman), fragility, sweetness, kindness. All non-aggressive traits that don't earn a woman place ahead in the working world.
    So when you say you wouldn't mind if she was poor, that is beyond comical. Men even prefer poor girls because the girls look up to them. They feel like their heroes.

    The proper comparison would be if you used male superficiality, not the female. And the male one is the requirement for beauty.
    That means, you have a right to complain about women wanting powerful men to take care of them, the day you can say: "I don't mind a fat ugly girl. Even a bit manly with a deep voice, maybe some black chin hair. Why would I mind? Come on!"

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    • (need more characters) Most of all, keep in mind this is all superficial. Women crave power, men crave beauty. It's not something to discard and refuse, or judge a person for, but there is a limit to everything.
      But also, it is important for a woman to figure out whether her boyfriend sees her as a pair of tits and a vagina, and it is up to a man to figure out whether his girlfriend sees him as a walking, talking wallet.

      There is a limit for everything, as well as superficiality. Study your girl and see if she wants you as a person. Try to see if she would leave if you ended up poor, or sick, or something...

      In the end, I want a man who will stay with me even if I get fat, and help me become beautiful again because he loves me for what is one the inside.
      I am also sure you want a woman who will stay with you if you ever went brankrupt, and support you trough thick and thin, while you work to get back on your feet.

  • I'm not sure in your case, it's hard to filter what she said and what you said from your post.
    But reality is, who to spend the rest of your life with is a complex decision and job and money are ultimately part of it.

    You want to be able to afford a house in a nice neighbourhood, high quality food and college for your kids. Men traditionally care less and women more because men used to be the sole providers but for women it's still something to think about.
    If you have kids, you'll have to take a few breaks from work and can only go back part time after. Even if you start with the same career prospects , she'll likely fall behind because she has children. In the U.S there is no paid maternity leave or day care. At the same time you still need to keep paying mortgage and bills, so you need partner who can do that

    If I met someone who was working in a grocery with no ambition to ever get something more, I wouldn't give him a chance either.
    She said she thinks you're not ambitious enough so I'd say that's it. A law degree these days is by all means no guarantee to a good income. You need to be hard worker to succeed in that field and from what it sounds she doesn't see that in you. She didn't say she dated you because of your degree, she said she made an assumption about you based on your choice of degree that later turned out to be false. But assumption was an important factor to her, so she broke it off

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  • At least she is up front and knows what she wants, but she sounds like a gold digger to me. I would listen to her words and you have even written them down your self. if you are questioning her intensions then I would run the other way. money can't by love.

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    • Yeah i'll give her that i admire her honesty but that's not for me, we decided to break up mutually anyway so it's for the best.

    • so even if she ended with a guy who earns more than her what if she is a battered woman, even if she has the luxury she want will she be happy? of course no and she will end up regretting for not choosing the asker, it is okay to have goals but having high standards or requirement will leave you unhappy in the end.

  • I do not like the sound of that at all. From my experience, stay the hell away from her or you will be miserable all your life. She has no love, or passion, for you. As a matter of fact, the only passion she has is money. You are the perfect target for her to bring to her family. Find someone who loves you for you, whether you're a cashier or a lawyer. To answer your question even further, yes, she is a gold digger in training.

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    • Hahaha a gold digger in training haha is her training not complete she seems like a complete gold digger to me.

      Yeah to be honest eventhough i loved her i realised very fast that there was NO WAY on this earth i was going to marry her, it was just never going to happen i could just see my miserable future right there. I stayed with her because we are young, we are 20 people change and i wasn't even looking to marry her anytime soon so it was fine for the moment but looking back i'm glad i got out of the relationship we are just not compatible really

    • >>Hahaha a gold digger in training haha is her training not complete she seems like a complete gold digger to me.<<

      There! Here's your answer.

    • Hahahah totally true, totally true the training is complete i am actually LUCKY it is complete, imagine we had been together for years and she only revealed this attitude after i walked her down the aisle, i'm lucky to be honest

  • It's normal that a woman would want a guy who makes same or more than her since that's part of our social conditioning. She has designed a plan that would fit into this traditional type of social conditioning. You just happened to fit in at the time. A means to an end.

    What she doesn't seem to realize is that ambition doesn't necessarily translate to wealth. Money fluctuates all the time. For her type, debt-to-income ratios should also be considered.

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    • Totally true great answer, to be honest she tried to say she only wanted an ambitious man and it was passion and ambition that she wanted in a man.

      Then i said if a man was a passionate teacher who earned a capped salary which was enough to live comfortably but less that yours would that be ok, she said no he has to earn more or the same. Preferably more though to be honest i think she said he can earn the same as her so she sounds less bad. She said she wants the family to live of the mans salary and she wants to be able to work part time and keep her salary for herself so if he earns the same as her that wouldn't work unless they both earned like 100 grand a year, especially as she wants her future kids to go to private school etc so the man really has to be stinking rich really. I just think it's unrealistic to think like this

  • This is how a girl thinks: if we are working hard towards something like a degree we want a guy that has that similar interest. If i am working hard to get a PhD in psychology i don't want a guy that plays video games 24/7. Plus if she came from some money while growing up she is going to expect the same for the rest of her life. If you love her you should work your hardest for her. If she was a gold digger she would be going for a guy that's already making 10 million

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    • Yeah but that is a bum, nobody said you should want a man that sits around eating Doritos doing nothing with his life.

      She didn't come from money same as me, maybe that's why she desires it so much. by the way the women that dates a 80 year old billionaire for his money is a gold digger, the women that dates a man because he is doing a law degree and would have not given him a chance if he worked at a clothes store is a gold digger same way.

      I'm not going to work hard for anyone but myself she used to tell me work hard to get your degree and succeed as a lawyer because if you don't i can't be with you. Is that suppossed to be ok, so i should break my back and work on an ultimatum from a girl that is suppossed to love me that if i'm not earning x amount or if i don't have job x she is leaving.

      I'd prefer to cut the bullsh*t and get rid in that situaton, but that's me do you believe it's right to want the guy to earn more though and not consider a guy who earns less

      Thanks

    • Ummm my step grandmother is a golddigger and she's 53 and my grandfather is 70... So your kind of wrong there with the ages.

    • Lol i was referring to those hot 21 year old models who date like 80 year old billionaire for there inheritance but a gold digger can be of any age, i was just referring to extreme societal versions of a gold digger.

  • It sounds like the only reason she dated you is because you have a bigger chance of making a lot of money in the future. She didn't date you for your personality or anything just your money 😳

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    • Yeah i think the reason she dated me at first is because i was doing a law degree, she told me that was one of the main things that attracted her to me was my ambition in doing a degree like that. I think my personality of course kept us together because when she realised i wasn't as unbelievably ambitious and money driven she still wanted to be with me but kept trying to change me to morph into the guy she wanted. To be honest it's good we are not together anymore because we have different outlooks on life.

      Do you think her outlook on life is wise though will she find happiness and fulfillment like this?

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    • Right it does.
      she's just rushing things she's only 20 she needs to live her life and not think/plan out the future

    • Haha try and tell her that but you know what it's a blessing anyway, this controlling and ruthless trait is something inside of her it's who she is. Glad is presented itself sooner rather than later, i hear about these miserable men living horrible lives with terrible and controlling women. Glad i dodged that

  • I think she is too concerned with money and not even looking at the love part of it. I honestly believe that people should love each other because of personality, not how a person looks or how much money they make. I rather have a guy who I know I can turn to if I have a problem, someone who I can just talk to and one day someone who will be able to help me raise children together and take equal responsibility for finances and household work.

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    • 100% agreed she said she doesn't even believe in marrying for love, she thinks you should marry if it's practical for you future so if the guy earns enough etc. I just think that is a recipe for disaster, she looks up to her mum who is now divorced from her dad. Her mum married her dad so she could get into the country, love wasn't even on the cards at all, i wonder why she doesn't look at there divorce and problems and see that love was the missing ingredient.

    • I guess it all depends on how you are raised and the values that are instilled into you. It is what your parents teach you. And some people are just about social appearances which is kinda sad.

  • She is honest BUT she has those standards? Where was the love at? That sucks.

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    • Love don't live there, she said she won't even marry for love more for the practicalities of marriage and providing the sort of upbringing she wants for her kids so basically love isn't important. I think that's a recipe for disaster but that's just me

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    • if she has conditions for her to love you then it is not true love remember for richer and poorer in wedding vow so if you got fired in your job so does it mean she will replace you and look for someone else, i guess this woman never really love you at all, she only love you for practical reasons or it is just me

    • Yeah love doesn't have a wage cap or an age limit, that's what i believe money is temporary the same with jobs aswell they are given by higher powers so can be taken away in the same breath.

      Love is something you share between eachother a unique bond no one can break which will see you through the hard times, anyway she is 20 who knows she may learn, it will too late for me though

  • You're 20 and in law school? Or by "law degree" do you mean like, you're majoring in criminal justice?

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    • Doing a law degree, well i'm in the UK not sure how it works over there but i'm at university doing a law degree for 3 years and then after you do 3 year of qualifying and then your a qualified solicitor or barrister, i think you become attorney's in america right?

    • Okay I have no idea how the UK system works. In the US you have to get a bachelor's degree first, which is 4 years, and then apply to law school, which is another 3. And then you have to pass the bar exam after law school to get a license to practice.

      Typically people are at least 22 when they finished their bachelor's degree. Sometimes they are 21. Rarely are they 20 or younger.

    • Yeah the degree i'm doing is the equivalent of the bachelor's degree in the US, ours is 3 year's though, once you finish that you do an LPC and then get a training contract which is in total 3 years but can be 2 years if your lucky, so you are qualified 24 if you started at 18 i should be qualified at 25.

      I think in the UK you do the bar if you want to become a barrister, to become a solicitor you do the degree for 3 years then 3 years training then you are qualified to practice

  • Sure sounds like it. She sounds like she has unrealistic expectations as well.

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    • Completely, life isn't a black and white fairytale if she had expectations of living this cushy life of her own back and hard work then fine. But she expects to live this like of the back of a hard working and dedicated man who should slave away at work while she works part time and keeps her money for herself.

      I'm sure any guy who gets an incline of her future plans will run a mile from that

    • That is a huge red flag. Clearly some girl on here didn't like what I had to say either. I hate when one person in the relationship busts their ass while the other just sits and reaps the benefits. Are you two still together?

  • I think she took the time out of to plan out her life plan. She happens to have included you in it.
    You don't have to accept it. But I think she's pretty smart for planning her life out at 20.

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    • So do you agree that having a criteria and only dating a man that fits it perfectly is ok?

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    • Exactly. I agree. Get rid of her.

    • Already got rid, thanks for the advice. Moving on to better things i hope in the future

  • I agree that her way of thinking is wrong as doesn't lead to real love.

    If she wants to trade commodities, there are men out there who are willing to exchange money for a young, hot body.

    That doesn't mean you have to settle for an emotionally vacant exchange.

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    • Yeah there are loads of men willing to do that and she will find that if she seeks it but i don't think she will find happiness that way.

      When her kids are in private school and she lives in this big house drives a mercedes to work if she works lol she will feel emptiness because at the end of the day these are just material goods. She will learn hopefully i guess

    • It will hurt for a while, but imagine your future days filled with love and fulfillment. It's brave to walk this path.

    • Completely right but she want's it all though, she wants the guy with the money and the drive and motivation who is attractive and who is her best friend also. Not really realistically going to happen but she will find out the hard way.

      She said she won't marry for love so perhaps she will marry to trade commodities but what kind of life is that lol that's just a recipe for a lifetime of unhappiness

  • There is nothing wrong with being a gold digger. As long as you respect and love the guy as well it's okay. She has a right to expect that the guy will make the same amount of money as her since she earns that money - she has the right to reject guys who don't ear the same as her. Find a girl your wage level and stop complaining.

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    • Coming from a gold digger herself right? No offence but in the real world that is not okay and you will find that most guys will run away from women like that like the plague.

      Yeah she has a right to reject any guy that isn't a billionaire aswell but does it make it right. I can reject any women who isn't a model but is it right. It's shallow and being a gold digger but you know to each his own.

      Everyone is entitle to there own beliefs anyway, good luck to you i guess

    • There is nothing wrong with being a gold digger lmfao only a gold digger would say this.

    • wtf are you thinking Anonymous, so love has a condition now? let me tell you this that is not love, if she has money issues so better for her to marry billionaires if that is the case

  • Saying she only dated you because of your degree is mean.

    However as a female in law school I sort of get it. But my standard is I want someone smart and educated. I don't care exactly what his salary is. Wanting someone with education and ambition is fair. I wouldn't say she's a golddigger but I would say she has very high dreams and if she takes education as one factor of a person that's fine but saying you in law school are not ambitious enough and that she only wanted you for your degree scream red flag to me. Seems like one of those finicky bitches who will never be pleased.

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    • It's not mean though it's true, sure she stayed with me because she grew to love me and our personality's clicked but all that would have not happened if i was working in a clothes store.

      That is the sad reality, i am not even putting words in her mouth these are her words, "One of the main reasons i considered dating you is because you seemed ambitious and was doing law" she openly talks about the long lists of men she has cut contact with once she found out they were not at university or were working in a low paid job with no future big earning potential, she told me she would cut them off because they have no future over MONEY and earning potential not because they weren't funny or loving enough for her.

      Yeah that's fine, i mean a well educated teacher who earned less than you would be fine right if he was passionate about teaching for her that wouldn't be ok and that's where the problem lies, she will just never be happy

    • the statement "Saying she only dated you because of your degree is mean. " this is an insult for me, what if i didn't earn the degree so she will never date me? let put this the other way around i will date her because she knows quantum physics, what if she dont know something in physics, so i will no date her

  • I think it's normal, but at 20 I'm not thinking about getting married just yet! If you're just dating, it wouldn't really matter a whole lot, but I know I (even subconsciously) do the same thing. If I know a guy doesn't have a great career... then I lose interest because think about it, she wants to be a stay at home mom with the kids + money is super important if there's only one main income. Money is one of the biggest issues couples argue about, which could lead to divorce so looking at that, is an important factor. Though, for you, since you are a law major, I think you'd turn out alright and make some good cash + you're going to college. Not sure why she'd be too concerned just yet.

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    • Well she did take our relationship extremely seriously, she thought i was the one so she thought about how married life would work, how we would provide for our kids etc.

      To be honest it depends what you want out of life if you want to be a house wife then your more than entitle to look for a man who earns a lot of money. But don't expect guys who earn a lot to consider women who place importance on his wealth, i mean if i met you and i found out you believed my wealth was a reason why you maintained interest in me i would consider you a gold digger, but people are different so i guess you should find a guy who is fine with that.

      BUT, are you prepared for a lot of the things that come with a man who earns all the money and who you live of, are you prepared to be submissive and cook and clean all day long, i personally want a marriage that is equal so i wouldn't want a housewife personally

    • Well hell yeah I am entitled to choose whatever I want especially when being a housewife-- that's a job in itself where you don't get paid. And also, I wouldn't only consider financial wealth to get married to you-- that wouldn't be the only factor-- you'd need the whole package especially the personality. And I think you got the definition of a "gold digger" wrong- I agree with the poster below that she is just being really smart in her decisions and if you can't provide, well, that's why it won't work out for her future lifestyle.
      And as for me personally, although I do look at a man's ability to provide through his career, I would much rather him be able to have the time to spend with me and the family over his career. I don't want him to get wrapped around just the career portion. Time> Career It's hard to balance I'm sure. A "submissive" cook? Really? I'd do that because I want to. Do you want to come back home to no food on the table and a dirty home? Be prepared to do both.

  • Men go after hot girls, hot girls go after guys with money...

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What Guys Said 23

  • I am noticing girls in my age range kinda getting the same way. It's odd that she's getting her own career yet wanting to be a stay at home mom at the same time. So it looks like she'll hop onto that career then get pregnant right at the start of it and if anything, I'd imagine her getting comfortable never having a job... guess who will be paying off her college debt?

    The other thing is I'd imagine other girls being skeptical of lawyers as some are considered to be the guys who "set criminals free." I wouldn't be surprised if she hit on the owner of a cigarette company and admired his "abilities" at selling cigs.

    It's a good thing you're not stuck with her anymore. She will never be happy and happiness is critical in a relationship.

    I get that girls don't want to date a bum, but I am seeing this problem with a lot of girls nowadays. It's like the guy's characteristics are thrown at the window and when I meet women, I'm constantly stuck on the phone or through text listening to them complain about how bad they're "hard working" and "high earning" exes were treating her like trash.

    I've honestly looked around on this site about gold digging behavior before out of curiosity (and not just the whining guys accusing girls of gold digging with no basis) and what it sounds like will happen to her is that she is going to find a high earning guy but he will most likely spot her gold digging behavior and use her for sex and then toss her aside.

    Hell I work part time at a grocery store on the side and am probably happier then she will ever be because I don't look at material possessions to make me happy like that. I earn as much as I'd like and don't chase money to the point of greed. If a girl doesn't like it... she doesn't have to date me.

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    • Hahah i certainly won't be paying of that college debt, to be honest i always thought that if it's not me earning x amount of money it will be something else to be unhappy about so it's not worth the stress anyway.

      COMPLETELY AGREE, literally she said i am actually perfect for her personality wise how i am a gentlemen, make her feel special, make her happier than any guy has ever made her BUT she doesn't want to be with me because i possibly might not be as successful as she wants me to be, i mean i'm 20 and doing a law degree it's not like my life i set out and i am already earning this low wage she fears i will be one and even if i was it shouldn't matter anyway. Being with a guy for the money has it's downfalls anyway as you say i always here about the guys not caring about them.

      Completely right i agree, if a girl doesn't like it she can go elsewhere and we will probably be happier than she will ever be, 100% she will get used by the rich men

  • TL;DR so I'll just say that he statement doesn't necessarily mean she's a gold-digger. If a girl were to date me and I was working my job but not working on my degree as well, I would expect her to say the exact same thing to me. It's not that she's a gold-digger, just that she would prefer her man to earn more than minimum wage.

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    • True but if a man was a teacher and earned 40 grand she wouldn't date him if she earned 60 is that ok? To be honest i don't think she is totally wrong i just think she has too many criteria's that she wants the man to meet. Like is it realistic to disregard any man who earns less than her i mean she wants to be a doctor and doctors earn loads of money so basically saying she wants a guy who earns more or the same is disregarding like 90% of men, even if the man is perfect personality wise she would disregard him over money?

      I get that she doesn't want a guy who doesn't earn anything or a guy who is lazy and doesn't work but if i'm a passionate teacher who can only earn max 30 grand a year but i love what i'm doing i wouldn't expect a women to just disregard me because of that but maybe that's just me

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    • So true. It seems to me that her mother influenced her way-of-thought. She felt that any man like her father would not be a man at all. It's possible that her and her mother even blame the father for the divorce for "not being a real man".

      I can only imagine how miserable that man must be and to think that his daughter will follow in her mother's shoes as well.

    • Yeah she is so influenced by her mum's actions and opinions on life it's sad i mean her mum married a man so she could get into the country i mean seriously, she didn't even like him it was only because he lived in england that she wanted to marry him. She seems to have the same mindset like marry for personal gain not love.

      It's sad because you'd think looking at her parents marriage would kind of show her that, that kind of mindset is wrong but it's made her more passionate about wanting to find a man exactly not like her father so essentially she is neglecting love like her mum did, and look where that got her

  • I believe you have mis-interpreted her desire.

    She never said she wanted you for your earning potential. That is what YOU said. She said you are not ambitious or driven enough to make anything useful of your life.

    There are many 30+ year old men who have a job in the day, then they come home and play X-box all night. She probably sees this in you, or at least, she sees that as your future. Maybe for you, it's not games. Maybe you just go out drinking with friends. Or watch p*rn and sports all evening. Who knows. But your side hobbies are not considered productive by her standards.

    There is a BIG distinguishing feature between a JOB and a CAREER. Working at the supermarket is a JOB. Retail and burger flipping is a JOB. Jobs have little to no potential for advancement. A CAREER is where you can climb the ladder and becomes something more.

    In law, lawyers work for several years with a firm, then become an associate or partner owner of the firm. Or they may open up their own legal firm and become the CEO. That is a CAREER.

    If she views you as the type who lacks ambition, and will settle for a JOB your whole life, that's good reason for any ambitious young woman to dump your ass. While she may love you, most people realize there's more than one fish in the sea. Why settle for the love of a flounder when the King Sunfish will love her just as much, while not needing to worry about petty things like money?

    I have dumped numerous women who were in their mid-20's because they graduated university, but have no direction or career. They are working as a waitress or something similar. They're hot, smart, but lack the desire to achieve more. So they spend years in a shitty job, instead of DOING SOMETHING with their lives.

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    • How the fk is just wanting a career doing the only way to be considered doing something in your life. People have other interests apart from how much money they can make and that's what a lot of people who are career obsessed are about.

      There are sports, hobbies, spending time with friends, family, exploring, travelling.

      What is wrong with wanting a reasonable income job and spending most of your life doing those other things?

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    • All this presupposes that 'value' is derived from the things that society deems to be important. Like attracts like. If superficiality and materialism in all its forms, be it physical attractiveness; and wealth, power and greed; is what you deem to be important, then you will mutually seek it out with your partner along similar lines. But you're making the mistake of thinking your mental world is the one of truth or actuality, when as I say, it's just what you and a large chunk of society attaches yourself to (largely, I would argue, because you actually care about being held in esteem). I don't try and attain those things, because they are not important to me. That's not to say I don't value beauty or 'internal power', physical stability, even, transcendence, but it just takes a different form to me. I find too much calculation and coldness, an evasive kind of cleverness, in the things you have said. Plus, I don't believe it leads to lasting nourishment.

    • Money is a means to an end. It's a tool. It can't give a person value. Value comes from purpose. For example, you have a cup out of which you drink liquids. That is the purpose of that cup and while the cup fulfills that purpose it will have value. If tomorrow you stopped needing to drink liquids, the cup would loose its purpose, therefore would not be able have any value.
      You give your life meaning, and what you wish to achieve in it is what will give value TO THE MONEY you will use to help actualise your intentions.
      What you actually DO in the end, is what will give YOU value.

      You can work your whole life and rack up a pile of money you could never spend, but if that money was your goal, if all/most you do is work for more, YOU have no value. You're acquiring tools you don't need.
      Tools matter, I agree, but the real substance of life can't be bought, material pleasures are fleeting. If a person finds their purpose in things that don't require a lot of money, a JOB is enough.

  • I'm going to go against the grain here and say that she's showing characteristics of a gold-digger. I'll break down some points you make.

    1) "She isn't sure I will provide the life she wants for herself..."
    She's sponging off of your income and she wants a rich lifestyle without being prepared to work for it and sacrifice.

    2) "She wants a super motivated and passionate guy..." Super motivated and passionate about making lot of money. Nothing more.

    3) "She wants to be a doctor [and] a guy who earns more than her...so that the family can be reliant on his salary" So she wants to be a doctor but doesn't want to contribute to the family? Where's her salary going? Also, she's setting the bar awfully high for potential mates if a huge salary is her only criterion.

    4) "She wants to be a stay-at-home mother and look after the kids so she would want to work part-time and if the man earns less then she wouldn't be able to do that as the man will be dependant on her salary" I'm not even touching this because this is such a fundamentally complex problem and I don't have enough space to write about it here.

    Basically, this girl wants it all and isn't prepared to compromise about it. She's got a very expensive vision for her future and wants it on the back of someone else. It seems she's got a very selfish me-first attitude and I'd be worried about what type of mother she'd be. She's not very flexible with her planning and inflexible people don't sacrifice anything because they believe someone else should. Would she be willing to sacrifice for her kids? I don't know. These are red flags and I'd run while you can.

    She even said that the only reason she dated you is because you're doing law and seem super ambitious, read: you're a cash cow. As soon as you're no longer that, then you're of no value to her. Women like that are never happy. Ever.

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    • Amazingly well thought out answer, i appreicate the effort to be honest that's what i think she will never be happy if it's not money it will be something else for her to shout at the man about.

      I have ran we broke up the other day it was mutual because she doesn't believe i will be successful enough for her and i don't want a women who is with me for future success or money.

      Please touch on the 4th issue about being a stay at home mum if you can, she does want to work as a doctor though i think she means when she gets pregnant and gives birth she wants to have the option to work part time and raise the kids, she wants her money to go towards herself and her needs she wants the man to provide for the household entirely.

      She wants a man that loves her but she said her future life is more important than marrying a man for love so she would prioritise the mans ability to provide her the life she wants over love but i think that is a recipe for disaster, what do you think?

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    • Good on you bud. Marrying such a woman is committing yourself to a very long prison sentence.

      On showing her how stupid she is by being a raging success, I have two words for you...Do it!! Not only to prove to her how wrong she really was, but also for yourself. Money doesn't buy happiness, but it's a whole ton better than being without money.

    • Thanks a lot man, and your totally right it would be awful even our relationship for all the fun we had was terrible a lot of the time because of her nagging and controlling nature.

      Your so right DO IT! Those are great words, it's not even for her it's for myself but seeing the look on her face would be priceless! Yeah money doesn't by happiness and money should never be the focus but it's good to have, i want to have no regrets i just want to be the best version of me i can possibly be hopefully

  • No, not a gold digger. A true gold digger fakes liking a rich guy to get money. That's not her.

    If the -only- reason she dated you was the law degree, that would be gold digging, but I'm doubtful.

    Yes, you're naive.

    The vast majority of women want a partner who earns as much or more then them. If they are just whoring themselves for money, its gold digging. But many genuinely aren't attracted to guys who are earning less, and are genuinely attracted to guys earning more (if other attributes are there).

    Is she going to end up sad and lonely? Maybe. Depends how pretty she is.

    Is it normal? yup.

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    • She told me one of the MAIN attractions to dating me was the fact i am doing law and that she thought i was ambitious. Obviously she found me attractive and liked my personality but the MAIN reason was my degree. Basically i am 20 i am nowhere near being a responsible adult who owns a home, so basically if she met me perhaps working at a clothes store, same face same personality she would not have even considered dating me is that ok?

      To be honest if the majority of women are like that then i don't want the majority of women, i am an individual with my own mind and principles which i'm not going to change to attract women the right one will come along in the end.

      Hahah great answer though but you say it's normal but is it right though? Also you say maybe she will end up sad and lonely why do you say maybe?

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    • Spanish terrible.
      Special ed I don't know. The market in general is terrible so many people tryin to get in.

    • Hahaa well over here i have no idea to be honest, the general consensus is teachers don't get paid nearly enough so Canada is the place to be

  • As a family man and someone who grew up pretty poor I can understand were she is coming from but that does not make it right. Growing up poor learned the value of a dollar and how important money Is despite that I would still rather be poor and love my wife and children like my parents do then marry for money and the marriage be a sham. I will never date a women based on her status or her paycheck when I marry it will be for love as cliche as that sounds. And that it matters or anything but my profession will soon be a personal trainer.

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    • Yeah i agree, i can understand where she is coming from, i mean the life she wants is the life everyone wants. Everyone wants to have the perfect wife and the kids and the money to buy and support the kids in every way possible, everyone wants the house and no money worries.

      BUT, her way of going about it is wrong i mean, she dated me for a year loved me we were best friends shared amazing experiences together, but if i worked in supermarket the day i approached her she would have never given me a chance at even taking her out or consider a relationship? As she would conclude we have no future because of my job, that's totally wrong, i would rather live in the most squalid of conditions with a wife i love than a mansion with a wife i barely even like or even if i like the person, there's only so much you can like or love a person when you put wealth and earning at the forefront that clouds judgement.

      Sure you love your husband and his 100k but when that goes the "love" goes

    • I hear that.

  • She makes a lot of sense and to some degree I know women like this and they're not gold diggers. Actually nothing about her really says she's a gold digger, I mean it looks like she wants to be a doctor and really seems driven (maybe for the wrong reasons, she won't find out about that until way later, ouch)

    You're fairly young, we're about the same age (22 turning 23) and its a bit early to jump the gun. I don't think she knows what she's looking for and therein lies the problem. She's looking for a guy that has passion and knows how to make money off of their obsession. If it was just about the money I mean look at some of these jerk offs on YouTube, most of these people you've never seen or heard of making average lawyer salaries and all they do is sit on their asses.

    I guess if she really wanted a baby and a family that bad and Id be willing to be the working dad (which Im not ok with by the way) I'd be willing to respect that because I believe that you shouldn't be having a baby unless you're a 100% sure you can support it without having to sweat and look in your account.

    But in terms of what the situation looks now? I think she's in for a horrible burst of her bubble, she's not going to be happy chasing the path she's pursuing right now. That's at least what I've realised at the end of my 3rd year in college. Management consulting is ok, but do I actually love it? Im dubious considering-

    See I didn't even read the last part of your question until now and it looks like we're both in agreement :P

    You're off the hook, go find somebody else!

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    • Haha the thing is she said if she met a millionaire who inherited his money or made a site and is making millions of it and is just lazing about and living she could not date them. She needs a guy who is passionate and driven about wanting to do something for example a driven and motivated lawyer. But then this motivated and passionate person has to earn more than her as a doctor so that completely lowers the threshold of guys.

      I don't agree with being a working husband either BUT i would do that for my future family if that's what it took to raise the child my only problem is, is that i would rather that situation arose in a marriage unexpectedly rather than her having pre planned ideas of making me a working husband, to me that is gold digging. But you know what she wants what she wants at least she has a set plan and goal but her bubble will burst in my opinion she will soon realise that it's a very silly outlook to have on life

    • It's just going to suck. Look at how early the chance of mid life crisis is coming down to. I was at my barbers last month, this really cool chick she's amazing, has a degree and everyhthing and I pay her the extra money cause she's just hilarious and makes me look insanely good. Now she's tweeenty-six? She's thinking about doing stuff that has nooothing to do with being a hairdresser. And these are completely new and crazy ideas to her.

    • Hahaha dishing out those tips i see ;) Yeah she's 26 and a wicked hairdresser, if i was like my girl i wouldn't even consider dating her because she is a hairdresser eventhough she is wicked and cool that's just totally messed up to me

  • Actually that's not "Gold-Digging" at all. She has a plan, a reason, and a layout driven towards a very specific goal. Yes, wealth is part of her plan, but her plan does not seem to involve wealth purely; she seeks someone of passion which means that rather than money she's more interested in a strong foundation as a parent.

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    • No but if i was a the most passionate of teachers who loved my life and career, i was the head of my subject at the school i earned so i hit the wage cap and was earning 40 grand a year, she would not even date me because i earn less than her is that ok?

      I completely get what she means but is it realistic to have all these expectations for every guy she dates? I mean the teacher could have been her best friend and love her endlessly but she would not consider him.

      To be honest she said her personal happiness isn't important anyway she said she doesn't want to marry for love she wants to marry a man who can provide the life she wants for herself and her kids, but i just think with that approach you can't expect to be married forever or to deal with the hardships of marriage i mean it's love that glues everything together or maybe i'm naive

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    • Totally agree so you think at points a married couple can hate eachother, i mean if you can go through years of hatred how can love live there.

      I get that if it's based on love once the hate starts the love ends, if there isn't that dedication to stay no matter what then it will fizzle and the marriage will end.

      To be honest i agree with the dedication, but i think happiness is also key. If you marry just for dedication and not happiness how can it last forever, they both have to go hand in hand in some way. I agree that emotion isn't enough we are fed this perception of love that once your in love there are no bad times or struggles.

      It's hard to imagine being married to someone and loving them but going through a period of hating them, i mean i don't see how that's possible but i have no idea about marriage. I guess it is dedication that will see you through those times.

    • Dedication often includes happiness. We do not tend to work towards things we do not find to be worthwhile and if it's worthwhile it will likely make you happy. Also, you don't need to imagine it too much; in real life you have loved and hated at the same time, more than likely, and contrary to popular belief it's not so much a contrast as it is two separate emotions. An example? Your parents? Your friends? Your anyone you've come across. Now to say that you love them, easy, to say you hate certain parts of them? Well, it may take a minute to really work through but it happens, and you prevail. It is the same thing.

      Love and hate can coexist, it's just a matter of whichever is greater, and dedication helps keep it healthier and more loving, caring, and happier while scrutiny does the opposite making the situation more hateful, spiteful, and grievous.

  • If she thinks the only way for a man to provide for his family is with loads of money then she is a retard. If I were you I would dump her straight away. Being with someone that only loves your money and not you? How can you live with that?

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    • Hahahahhas she is a retard hahaha, yeah we just broke up mutually anyway i couldn't be with someone like her so i'm glad to be out man, i just hope she realises sooner rather than later that she will end u sad and lonely with about 59 cats if she thinks like that.

      I mean us guys RUN away from women like her, literally RUN

    • Good to hear man! Hopefully she will realise with time that she can't have such absurd expectations. Unfortunately there is always retard guys out there that will get with people like her anyways, so unfortunately her genes will still spread.

    • Hahahahha hilarious yeah there all guys that will get with her but they will just be miserable and it will probably end in a big divorce that would have caused more harm than good, yeah he earns the money and yeah he is motivated but when he divorces you because you didn't even love him in the first place only loved his status and wealth and your a single parent how is life going to look then. Marry for love and figure the rest out later i say

  • Better off without her. She can go find a guy that makes 300K a year and be miserable and you can find a better woman than she ever thought of being.

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    • Totally right, i think that's the end point in relation to these things, like she may find the guy with the money but will he bring her the happiness also.

      She says she won't marry for love more for what the man can bring to the table in terms of finance and stability, ultimately she wants a man who can provide a perfect life for her and her kids. But what she doesn't realise if you spend every waking moment with this person, you go through hardship with the person you go through good times with this person, to spend the rest of your life with someone and be happy love has to be present. Not just love true love, if it isn't there then that's just a recipe for disaster and i'm sure there are so many women who are divorced and lonely who seeked the lifestyle she is seeking and watching it backfire. I'm sure these women look back at the regular Joe who they tossed aside who is now married and happy while they are unhappy and lonely and wondering what if.

      TOO LATE

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    • Yeah the main one is the ego and the cheating i can just imagine the rich guy who has all his mistress' and treats his wife like property (not all rich guys) but you know if you go out looking for a guy with money all his bad qualities like cheating etc you won't realise as your judgement will be clouded by wads of cash.

      Then when it's too late your stuck and miserable and then they have the cheek to complain lol.

      Hahah if the day comes that she whines and begs i will find it the funniest day of my life, because it will be so typical of people like her. Even when we broke up for the first time, she broke up with me over this kind of thing.

      Then she begged for me back kept trying to speak to me, then told me she had feelings and wanted me back etc, i never once chased her or even gave her attention aswell, i gave her a chance because i thought something was still there but WRONG.

      Glad to be out man complete waste of time but i've learnt so much from it so no regrets

    • Yeah, that is the best thing about it. After you get over the initial shock, pain, and anger then you feel better. You also realize, you are glad it didn't work cuz if she is that type of person she is no good anyway and you can find someone far better in not much time.

  • You do realize that it's more fashionable and profitable to divorce a rich man than to marry him?
    50% of women won't even want to know you when they're 4 years into a marriage, and then it's only a case of picking the best financial opportunity.

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  • "she said the only reason she dated me is because i am doing a law degree and she thought i was super ambitious and driven to be doing law,"

    THAT is gold digger to the core, the definition of it.

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    • Hahahha completely right i don't know why i didn't see it i blame myself really. She kept telling me how i need to prove myself to her all the time but succeeding in law and becoming a high paid lawyer and that if i didn't succeed she couldn't be with me, complete gold digging mentality right?

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    • In all fairness, a degree is pretty much required for any job that's going to pay decent. though she still sounds like a gold digger.

    • Yeah your right but it wasn't even just the degree it was me being a high flying lawyer and matching her ambition to be honest if it wasn't this it would be something else.

      She has all these aspirations of being this successful doctor if that failed and she found a love for being a hair dresser, made her own her dressing business and was earning 40 grand a year. I on the other hand became a succesful lawyer and i dumped her based on her low earning potential compared to mine, i'm sure she will say that's fine and i have a right to do that but deep down she would know that is a ridiculous thing to do.

  • yes, gold digger

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    • Preach, why do you think she is a gold digger though?

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    • that's just how it is, im a realist, not a pessimist

    • 100% agree realist's united!

  • STRONG gold digger.

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    • Go no contact. DO NOT re-engage.

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    • Man just look at the ups vs downs on my comment. Bro. Seriously. All women are like this.

    • Hahaha you can't win can ya

  • No, she's a bitch who's probably going to end up alone or in an abusive relationships where the guy thinks of her more as property than a lover. I think it's a blessing that you broke up. Now you can find someone better who actually knows what it is to love a man. All that one will ever love is money.

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    • Totally right, i think she will either end up alone with her picky attitude or end up with a rich guy who sees her as property and doesn't even care about her. A guy that may be able to provide you with the money to live in a nice house and send your kids to private school but what i think she fails to realise is when you get married to someone for his wealth your with that person 24 hours a day for the rest of your life.

      Is his $ going to make you laugh and feel special as a women, no love is the only thing that will do that. It really is a blessing man i think i will fully appreciate it when i meet a new girl who actual values me for me and not my earning potential

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    • Her argument lies in feminist nonsense. You and I both know you dodged a bullet. Do better next time and find a girl who actually knows what love is.

    • Your totally right i dodged a bullet, feel sorry for the guy she ends up with. To be honest most guys can sniff a gold digger from a mile of and don't have the patience that i have really so she will find it hard anyway especially as we get older.

      I mean all her psycho views on life were worrying but i mean she was good for the moment i wasn't going to marry her ever so it was fine as long as for the moment i was happy but to be honest i should have got rid straight away would have saved me a lot of time and effort

  • She's a gold digger any girl who only chases a guy for those reasons is as bad as any guy just using a girl for sex. You can do way better tham her.

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    • Totally agree, thanks for the advice bro it's just like chasing someone for your own gain isn't it like in regards to a man wanting a women solely for sex. She wants a man solely to fit her perfect lifestyle and nothing else.

      I don't think she will find a guy like that to be honest her criteria is too strict and ridgid

    • I doubt she will. If someone is making tonnes of money and superficial then they would go for a 5 star model not a girl like her lol.

      People who are only career focused are self centered. There's nothing wrong with wanting a degree but if money is the only thing a person cares about then they're fkd up.

    • Hahaha that is totally true man guys like that can attract 10/10 models so why would they go for an ordinary women.

      Yeah your totally right money doesn't equate to happiness in my opinion it's love that equates to happiness

  • yo dude, just ditch the batch... relationships like that don't end well... unless ur like Asian disciplined or sumthing lolz

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    • Hahaha already ditched the batch no point in prolonging a relationship that will never work out.

      My hope is to be successful and give her a taster of what she is missing out on because of her shallow mentality.

  • I would ditch her based on that alone

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    • We are not together anymore now anyway to be honest i should have dumped her the first time she started showing these gold digging signs but i loved her i guess and thought we are so young it doesn't matter but you know what from day 1 i thought she was the one but after a couple of months i always knew there was no way on this earth i was going to marry a girl like her.

    • If she admitted she wouldn't marry you if you made less money is a huge red flag.

    • Yeah that's a huge warning sign slapping you on face saying don't do it bro lol

  • She knows what she wants. She feels that you don't have what she wants. If you love her though, why don't you become rich?

    I know it's easier said than done. That's the reason why I'm suggesting you to rob a bank.

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    • Hahahahhahahahahhahaahahah because i don't want a women who cares about how rich i am, what if the money dissappears then what, there should be more substance than that in my opinion.

      Hahaha so no robbing of banks haha

    • That's true. I wouldn't want a woman like that either. She might leave me for another richer guy if he has more money. You can't trust chicks nowadays can you?

    • Hahaha you can't trust chicks nowadays that why guys only sleep with chicks nowadays with no strings attached. I still hope of finding the girl that is loyal and different to be honest

  • Yes, gold digger, better off without her, you owe her nothing.

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    • Thanks for the advice we are no longer together, so it's for the best she will find out the hard way to be honest before she met me she just had flings with multiple guys.

      She never even had a proper relationship before me because she had all these expectations so if she met a guy and he wasn't fitting her criteria she would maybe sleep with him and never consider dating him. She only dated me according to her because i seemed ambitious as i was doing a law degree so you can just imagine how her life is going to pan out if she keeps rejecting guys for material reasons

  • She's not being realistic.

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    • Yeah totally agree, it's like me expecting to find a 5'7" woman with brown hair and blue eyes a nice ass and big boobs, a nice car and good professional job a caring personailty and someone who loves me.

      Maybe i went over the top with the criteria but it's not that dissimilar you can't expect someone to conform to your checklist

  • Dump her ass. She sounds like a gold digger.

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    • Already done bro we came to a mutual agreement to end it i think it's for the best man

    • Good for you. It just upsets me how women say income doesn't matter or looks but they do.

  • Meh, she's honest, which is more than I can say for most women.

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    • Totally right man, i mean that's the one thing i think i appreciate because some women will let you walk them down the aisle and the morph into a demanding monster once that ring is on their finger.

      I'm glad she is honest and i'm glad i'm honest also in expressing my disagreement with her views so we could break up mutually as we are not compatible

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