What's the point in counseling?

Many marriages go for counseling after one partner has cheated etc why? there are too many people out there so why waste your time?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • That's falling short in so many points... First of all: When something like cheating happened (cheating as the very peak before murder), then that's a pretty bad time... And we promised in our vows to stick together in good times and in bad. So giving up there, when the going gets tough, that's breaking the vow, no matter what the other one did.

    Besides that: Cheating takes three people. The couple which is screwing up their relationship - it's NEVER ever one of them, it's ALWAYS both - those who think, that it's all the partner's fault are just plain stupid and they will fail again: "The only constant in your many failures is you".

    It doesn't matter which partner cheats. In the end it's the result of a long developement to which both have contributed a lot.

    Counseling is there for those few people who really were serious when giving the vow and didn't just do it for a meaningless show. It's for those who really have loved their partner before and want to get things straigth. And it's for those who have the wisdom and humility to admit, that they also did their part.

    Keeping up a happy relationship is really hard work. And actually: By far the biggest part of my work is "small" counseling: one of the spouses asking me how to make a special surprise for the other one. They're sometimes just clumsy and need some practical advice.

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    • Look, if i would know my partner has been cheating on me in any other way than kissing it would be the end of our marriage. Especially if he was doing it over a long period of time. There are too many people out there to be stuck with one scumbag, do you know what i mean?

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    • Have a look at what you wrote: You're not even thinking about what you could have done wrong. That's the worst mistake you can make.

      Where's your humility to admit that you might have done wrong?

      If you say, you did everything you could: What did you do then? What was it compared to what he needed?

    • I did everything a normal woman would do. I was caring, never nagged, gave him all he wanted. I always spoke to him about what he wants in bed so he won't feel the need to go elsewhere but apparently he was curious and needed a stress relief, that was the reason, there wasn't anything wrong with me.

What Guys Said 2

  • Sometimes cheating happened because both partners were reacting poorly to problems, creating bigger problems, culminating in one partner deciding to cheat.

    But they both might want to make it work. So they both need to develop better habits and jointly improve communication so the marriage is never again where it was when cheating occurred.

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    • I would be too paranoid after my partner would have cheated, there is no way i would be able to work on it. I would most likely cheat i guess.

  • Sometimes you have a lot invested in a marriage. There's assets, children visitation to contend with, child support, alimony, etc. Plus many years of emotional investment. IT's not always easy to walk away as opposed to a college/high school romance.

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    • I think the reason men don't want to divorce is because they loose a lot of money. What you stated only applies to women i guess.

    • Well I mentioned child support and alimony. And believe it or not, many men are involved with their children.

What Girls Said 1

  • Exactly, especially not on a cheater. Save your time a money.

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