Why do girls not like nerdy/geeky guys?

[Flame87]

Well, I think my problem is basically because I don't go out of my way to be popular, or "Sexy," or whatever. I don't think I'm ugly, I'm just smart and like weird stuff (band, computer stuff like components etc) but I like normal stuff too. *shrug* I don't know. Just a bit old of meeting a girl that's interested in me then finding out I like band or something, then watch her be like "Screw this." It just gets old, and I have friends who go through the same.

I just thought I'd rant a little bit, and get some feedback. Thanks everyone. :)

Updates

+1 y

Ha apparently people are still answering this. I'm still single, but whatevs. I will say that all the girls who aren't shallow already have men. :P Anyway, hey. :P

[landingsight]

I don't think the problem is that girls don't like geeky guys - in fact, I was disappointed with my most recent ex because he wasn't nerdy enough, and my current beau is probably one of the most nerdy people I know. I think the problem with geeks in general lies in a few areas:

A) You're too devoted to your particular area of geekdom, and you're not willing to cut back to make room for other things. There's nothing wrong with being a devoted gamer or musician or what have you, but it's all about balance and making the other person feel like you actually care. One of my good friends, a huge nerd, has had several girlfriends since I've known him. The reason why both of his relationships fell apart basically boiled down to an unwillingness to sacrifice game time and time with his friends to do things his girlfriend liked.

B) Simple lack of shared interest. This ex of mine, while he wasn't a ckmputer or game nerd, was a huuuuge Japan, literature, and film nerd. His idea of a great day would be browsing Japan on Google Earth for several hours, reading some poetry, then watching a really old, artsy Danish film or something. All these things, while I made an honest effort to participate in them and enjoy them, bored me to tears. Whatever it is you love most, I think it works out better if you find someone who shares that love.

C) You don't have to go out of your way to be popular or sexy, but chances are good that if you're really not trying, you're not going to get noticed by most girls in a positive way unless you're honest-to-god handsome. Harsh, yeah, but it's true. I was overjoyed when I finally got a boyfriend who actually had a sense of style and cared about the way he looked - it's really nice to see guys in something that'a not an old Black Sabbath T-shirt and an ill-fitting pair of jeans. Also, a good haircut and some facial hair maintenance goes a long way.

D) You'd be surprised at how many girls have overlapping interests. People just tend to assume that regular, attractive girls aren't closet nerds, when I've found through personal experience in meeting people that they're often much quirkier than you'd think. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there - after all, it's the only way you'll find someone who likes YOU.

E) More a personal pet peeve here than anything else. I like smart guys, but I hate arrogance. I've met a definite number of nerdy guys who consider themselves smart that fall under this, perhaps by accident. I myself was once an oblivious arrogant smart girl until someone pointed it out to me, and then I was mortified. Most of the nerds I've met are really quite nice and down-to-earth, but some of them kind of make you wary of the others.

Just a few thoughts. Hope something I said sheds some light.

[Ponchi]

Perhaps your problem is not your interests, but how you potray yourself to people, (lacking in confidence, being ashamed of your interests, etc..), or you're going for the wrong type of girls?

I have a wide palette of friends(jocks, models, nerds, metal heads, etc..) and the guy I'm most attracted to is a friend of mine whose a stereotypical nerd. He plays a substancial amount of starcraft and W.O.W, he is very academic, doesn't work on his appearance, is not athletic (I was very close to beating him in an arm-wrestle, haha), and he is not physically, exceptionally attractive.

His appeal to me is his intelligence, and how confident he is in it. He is very opinionated, and slightly egotistical and he is always ready to have a big intellectual discussion and assert his opinions.

Even when he talks about the "nerdy" interests of his (Starcraft), he is very confident, open, and not self-concious discussing them, and to me, that level of confidence, in himself, is very sexy.

However, we do share very similar interests. Without being too conceited, I am also an academic(not that academia always equates to inteligence), assertive, and so I am always up for intellectual discussions. That's why, I find my nerdy friends much more attractive than the "jocks", even if they are more conventionally, aesthetically appealing. A man who is able to provoke thought, and even sometimes make me feel intellectualy inferior, intrigue and fascinate me.

So maybe you:

1) Have to be a little more confident in your "nerdy-ness" and your interests

2) Pick the right girls!

Hope that helps ;)

[selfishstars]

I pretty much only go for nerdy/geeky guys.

Obviously not all nerdy or geeky guys are the same, but here are the qualities that a lot of them seem to have that I like:

- intelligent and value learning; I can talk to them about things that cause a lot of other people's eyes to gloss over

- since they aren't trying to be popular/conform, they tend to have their own opinions on things and have unique interests because they don't really care what other people think

- less superficial/shallow

- shared interests (I like a lot of things that people find geeky, like video games, sci-fi, computers, science, philosophy, some manga/anime/comics/graphic novels, reading, etc.)

- nice :D

The things that can kind of put me off are:

- if a guy is too into a particular interest and its all he wants to do or talk about

- closed-minded about certain things (like, some nerdy guys I've met don't like to party at all; I'm not huge on partying, but I do like to go out for drinks with friends or go out dancing every now and then)

- shy (its not that I have a problem with people being shy, but it can be a problem because it makes it harder to tell if someone is interested in you)

[AdamBH]

Nerds are socially awkward and often smell. And they have no tact and spend all their time doing things that most people find deathly boring, and even when they are not doing it, they never stop talking about it and although they have a good intention, they don't have the ability to enough consider others to make a good boyfriend.

"Wait, what? But that means I'm not even a nerd!"

No. You are probably not a nerd, there are far fewer nerds than people who call themselves nerdy.

So why are you still classed as nerdy and have no success?

Because people who are a little nerdy are often immediately shoved in the nerd category and people will make assumptions about you that you are no good, even if you are in fact very good.

SO what you have to do, is show that you have other sides to you as well, and whatever nerd you do have inside you, use it to your advantage - just make sure you don't have any of the negative social characteristics I described. You probably don't have many of them anyway!

[asakurakid]

hey you should be proud to be nerdy and weird...were the ultimate male :P we not some high school moron who plays football with bulging biceps ooo I'm so strong ooo haaa were not some high school musical zac efron pretty boy oo I'm so cute and every girl loves me



nah were the ones who have imagination

were the ones who do what we want when we want and have no cause of concern when it comes to pretty girls

..we actuelly read and not just magazines >.<

we watch a variaty of movies anime normal horrors geeky fiction ect ect we broaden our knowledge to better ourselves I once had a 4 hour conversation about quantum physics and how a lightsaber can be made and how a stargate can be created if we can get to saturn lol it means were smart and were not sheep who follow dress sence :D have a nice day

[JeanetteG]

I can't see any of that really turning a girl off. Even if you don't try to be "sexy" you need to present an attractive image. Sexual attraction is necessary for ANY relationship and dating, and you've got to look decent for it to exist.

Maybe try to see what you have in common with a girl before going on about your interests? I've met some guys who go on and on about stuff they like. It's all they talk about and they barely ask about my interests. This is a huge turn-off.

Focus on the similarities and she'll be more likely to accept the differences.

[Flame87]

lol I do that, I really think it's a fact of A- I'm a bit off key, and not incredibly attractive, and B- Well I'm watching the Boondox and forgot what B was...oh yeah, they'll find out some other way, like my AIM is LordKingBaritone (lol) and they're like "eww bandie!" or whatever a college aged girl version of such would be.

[JewFroJoey]

"I'm a bit off key, and not incredibly attractive."

I don't think it's the fact that you like band that's holding you back. You can't think stuff like this and expect to get anything.

[JeanetteG]

Honestly, how you feel about yourself plays a significant role in attracting and keeping love interests. When someone feels bad about themselves, it shows in their words and behaviour. Look at the people that are considered "sexy" and you'll notice that they are all self-confident.

You can't say that you don't put a lot of effort into being "sexy" and then complain that girls don't find you sexy. Of course they won't, if you put no effort into it. VERY few people are effortlesly hot.

[JeanetteG]

My advice is this:

Regardless of all the "looks don't matter" comments, you MUST look decent to get a guy or girl. So, HIT THE GYM, go shopping and pick up a few flattering outfits. Take care of yourself. Make sure you smell good, are clean, shave when you need too, etc.. Trust me, it'll make a difference.

Then, start talking to the ladies. Focus on them and after a while, she'll start asking questions about you.

[Anonymous]

nerds and geeks usually come across as passive, unconfident and less masculine. I'm not saying you should change your personality but you should be more outgoing when it comes to women and carry yourself with confidence. don't be clingy or too shy, women hate that. intelligence is a very attractive trait as long as you aren't condescending or pretentious about it. try to appeal to women's romantic side instead of trying to make "friends".

just wondering, do you go for nerdy girls? most nerdy girls like and date nerdy guys.

as for me, I like guys who have SOME nerdy TRAITS, but aren't full on nerds or geeks. the socially awkward thing is a turnoff to me. also if you don't put that much effort into looking attractive to women, you'll be less attractive to women.

[Greeneyes4242]

Well, I actually find nerdy guys quite attractive :) I really like Jay Baruchel from I'm reed fish and she's out of your league (or something along those lines.) I also like the guy on the apple commercials! I don't know either of these people so I don't know if they're nerds in real life but they play nerdy characters. The guys I've liked have all been pretty nerdy :) Guys who have a brain are a lot more interesting and a lot of times are a lot kinder. You'll be fine as long as you have confidence :) lots of luck

[Darkfairie17]

Use your nerdyness to your advantage! Intelligence is sexy! I know that it doesn't seem like it, but there are women out there who are just as smart as you who will appreciate you.

Maybe try different avenues of meeting people. Try online dating, try having friends set you up, try speed dating. Whatever it takes to get yourself out there. The more you do this, the better you become at finding out what works for you.

I personally like a nerdier guy. Weird is good, I am not normal so I also need someone who can understand me as well. And I agree, it isn't easy. But you have to keep trying. Just because a guy knows something about computers, doesn't mean teh girl is going to run away. Personally, having a handy computer guy around is a handy thing. So you have that to your advantage.

[Geekminer]

The reality is.. most nerds are too busy following their passion to waste their time dating.

[Darkfairie17]

@Geekminer But that's not what the asker was asking. They wanted to know why girls' don't like Nerdy/Geeky guys. I was simply giving advice based on their opinion. There are plenty of opportunities to meet people and still be able to follow your passion.

[999freakshow]

Personally I've always felt kind of insecure around guys like that. As long as the guy doesn't parade how proud he is of being a nerd or starts insulting ''cool'' guys I feel better about him. I like to think I'm a very smart young woman (I get perfect grades in my school, I'm a senior) and when I see someone who is so much smarter than me that I feel stupid and can't really understand what he's saying I just tend to back off... Guess I made it more about me then give you an opinion but it's how I feel, maybe I'm not the only one. I'm just gonna stop here XD

[studmuffin-perfect10]

people judge anyway. you could be normal but labeled a geek just because your not ignorant or a drug addicted.

[studmuffin-perfect10]

what level are you on? do you dumb your self down just so people will like you? live with the faked that some people are more knowledgeable. MOST SMART people don't trip over themselves any a geeks are the so cold cool people most of the time.

[999freakshow]

It's different in my country you know! There are nos uch classifications here like ''geek'' ''nerd'' ''cool'' or whatever. I assure you it is way different here. People think in a different way, the whole perception of society is different. It's not better for sure, but it is different. Just FYI I'm one of the most popular girls in my school and it has nothing to do with how smart I am...

[thoronmegil]

You, my friend, are going after the wrong girls. True, the ones who like nerdy/geeky guys such as you and I are not often going to be the ones with Model bodies, but they're not by any means the ones who you wouldn't even consider. It's all about presentation and making sure you're not going for someone you think is a stretch (because if you think they are, they're probably not worth dating anyway)

There are plenty of women who like nerdy/geeky guys. And let's face it, the old adage "don't beat up the geeks because one day they'll be your bosses" is pretty true. As soon as women mature enough, they realize that the dumb footballer they're dating isn't going anywhere and they reevaluate their preferences. (Granted, some never mature, but what can you do)

Trust me, you'll be fine. In some cases girls won't admit they like geeky guys because of peer pressure, but they'll be over it soon enough.

Live Long and Prosper ;)

[Prof_Don]

I am quite nerdy myself (although I may not look like it lol). I love to play me some Pokemon (in decently hardcore in that game lol), I love me some Star Wars, I'm above-average in computer soft/hard-ware proficiency. I can analyze & break down ANY subject down to a level that may baffle ppl, & I have a plethora of random knowledge.

One thing that I've noticed is that people tend to be intimidated by people that are noticably of high intelligence. Other people may seem to not be accepting of someone else's interest.

There are girls that like all styles of guy. Personally, I haven't had much trouble when it comes to females, & once my personality comes out, I'm definitely a nerdy dude :). Maybe you're targeting the wrong ones.

[Charnelle]

Lol well there are a lot hot, cute, and sexy nerdy/geeky guys that any girl would love to have. But there are also the rude, pretentious, and superiority complex having nerdy/geeky guys that no one likes to be around. I think you really need to think about how people perceive you. Plus looking at your profile picture you really don't really look like one to me.

[Geekminer]

There aren't. The "hot" nerds are just good looking men that wear glasses.

[Xiakey]

I have to admit geeks aren't the ones I turn my head for on the streets. BUT if a geeky guy comes up to me and makes me laugh or has a special charm I could defiantly fall for him!

I think most girls can fall for any kind of guy as long as they are charming .. but then again what do I know that is just my perspective

[karenirving307]

girls like nerdy and geeky guys girls like any type of guy just depends on the girl I wouldn't date a nerd or a geek beacuse its just not my type but I have friends who would there plenty of fish in the sea just gotta put oneself out there everybody needs a somebody :)haha!

[TeN_sEcOnD_ePiC]

i personaly like nerds or weirdos a lot better then pretty boys or musel heads. Me and my boyfriend are probably the to biggest dorks ever! We talk to each other I elvish...come on wats nerdier then talkin like elfs! We play video games together talk bout smart crap ours friends hav no clue bout. If you saw me you wouldn't even think of me as a nerd but I'm a huge one. My boyfriend on the other hand well he has long hair super skinny and wears glasses but he is one of the cutest guys I no! from what I learned nerds hav a lot more love to giv an no how to treat a girl like no other :)

you should be proud to be a nerd there are girls who dig that crap I no I do big time! nerds are not only smart geeky lookin but they can be fun cute and rather interstin people...im a huge nerd and a total geek and proud of it :)

[markprendo]

Hehehe this is cute, but what the heck is elvish hahaha

[Geekminer]

You sure don't talk like a smart person.

[TheCheshireCat]

actually, I've always had a thing for nerdy/geeky guys. My dream man is a caucasian Steve Erkel, I love a guy with a brain & no fashion sense. Something about it is really attractive to me, when a guy displays his superior intelligence, I'm hooked. I don't need him to be super cute or in perfect shape, the big buck glasses & dorkiness is all I need.

[BlackSuperman]

a White Urkel... amazing... guess ya do like nerds...

[studmuffin-perfect10]

you'll marrie the next bill gates over some black faced mooch guy to work at fast food and Jakes of to his high school memories which was the hight of hid polarity in life lol

[studmuffin-perfect10]

blank faced lol

[katiej]

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo literally this sounds weird but I f***ing love nerdy guys! they are the kinky sweet cute guys who will make bank be nice to you and f*** you so mother f***ing hard plus the cocky dumbass guys are usually driving their muscle cars for a reason...their lacking in other areas lmfao. nerdy guys get the sophisticated lifestyle and noooooooooooooo I love nerdy guys :)

[Thatgirl95]

I know a lot of girls that don't go for the nerdy type but I also know a lot of girls who do. At first I went for the football players but after getting to know my now boyfriend (and trust me he is a class clown nerd type) I realized that nerdy guys are pretty much always the nicer and funnier ones. Some girls just need to realize that but trust me there are a lot of girls who like nerds you just need to find them (:

[ConfidentNerd]

You just need to find another nerd. There are nerdy girls.

I think nerds just get a bad rep for being totally weird, but I think the word "free" applies more. We've got a lot more incentive to do what we want to do. Just accept the fact that you are different from everyone else. And probably smarter in some aspects. I'm a total nerd and I've never once had to go crawling to someone else for help with my computer.

[Geekminer]

Outward nerdy girls are more rare though since girls are more likely to value their social status more than boys.

[AMO3709]

What are you talking about? Nerds are awesome! Who's gonna be able to fix your computer/tv/video game system etc., a nerd or some "hot" dumbass? The nerd of course! lol My boyfriend is a nerd or whatever you want to say, and I love him to death! Not all girls are shallow bitches, be patient ;)

[lefthand]

They aren't high demand in your age group (beauty and status tend to be the premium). Smile and wave good-bye, there are lots of women looking for guys who do have your characteristics but it usually takes to the late twenties to figure that out.

[Joey_Wheeler]

As a fellow nerd, trust me, women love the brain.

Robert Caradine said it best... "All jocks think about is sports, all nerds think about is sex".

Guess who the better lover is...

[girl_interrupted]

Because sometimes they could be really annoying. And also not all of nerdy/geeky guys we dislike. There a lot who are so sweet and sexy.

[BlackSuperman]

they usually get with nerdy guys (after a technological breakthrough accomplished by said nerds/geeks) in their late 20s/early 30s...