Why have I never been asked out?

I'm 21 and have never been asked out. I used to be very confident but I'm not at all anymore. I'm smart, go to uni and actively participate in student organizations as well as take part in social work. I love having good discussions and always take genuine interest in listening to the person I'm talking to.

I'm petite and I constantly get compliments about being pretty but I don't even think looks have anything to do with the fact that I have NEVER been asked out. But yes I get compliments from so many guys, yet they still wouldn't date me.

I am extremely easy-going, fun, social and love going out. I can act crazy with people and have a pretty good sense of humor. I'm modest and humble at the same time; my parents have brought me up with etiquette so I know how to act in different social settings.

I do of course have my flaws, I don't flirt enough because I feel dismissed by guys quite easily but I do smile and talk easily so if a guy was interested, he would just dare to talk to me. However, no guy is ever interested in me. And some of my friends don't flirt at all but still get male attention and I do think a guy would flirt with me himself if he found me even a bit interesting but they never do!

I have initiated contact but never got anything out of it. One guy just lead me on so badly that I know for sure that I won't find love; I recently found out he actually has a girlfriend but I found out from his brother and he always let me believe something could end up happening.

I don't think I will ever find anyone; I used to believe that love will find me itself and when I least expect it but this belief has worn out after 3 years of nothing. I'm actually OK with that, surprisingly but I spend (literally use all my energy) wondering why it is that guys don't consider me datable or girlfriend material.

I don't even need a serious relationship, I am a virgin so a small hook up won't happen since I believe my first time should be with someone I am at least in a relationship with.

I am already 21 and even though people will say things like I'm a late bloomer blah blah...its just weird! In my culture its also the norm to get married young so by the time I'm 23, my parents are going to pressure me into finding someone or getting married. How can I find someone with a deadline of 2 years? I would just end up settling. This is one of the reasons I have realized that these things don't happen to everyone, I know people who just get married to someone they have met through their parents etc and I'm starting to think that's what I will have to go for since something is better than nothing right?

I have asked my friends what's wrong with me and they keep telling me nothing is but I have decided they probably just don't know what it is.


Most Helpful Guy

  • A difficult one, this question.

    You don't tell us where you're from but your reference to culture ("In my culture its also the norm to get married young", "people who just get married to someone they have met through their parents") would lead me to think it's one where girls don't have that much liberties (I can be wrong there) and where people who see a guy and girl doing more than just talking expect marriage and ruin the girls reputation if it doesn't follow.

    Of course this means that serious guys (the ones you're interested in probably) will only ask a girl out when they're prepared to engage themselves towards her and her family. And if she belongs to a group considered "good" by their family.

    In clear: to choose themselves a partner, a girl or girl will have to get beyond social rules and tradition, which will create a conflict. And they will have to show to potential partners that they're ready to transgress the rules of their society.

    IDK how thinkable/feasible it's in your country and family. Difficult to guess on the elements you mention: Morocco, India, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Mexico, IDK?

    It might not be feasible in the families of the guys you've an eye upon, or they don't want trouble with your family: look elsewhere maybe, other less traditional guys? Or show more clearly you're not "traditional" be more flirty or daring than your father would approve.

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