Is my girlfriend gone forever?!? Please help!!!

[SLR373]

Six months ago my girlfriend tells me that she needs time to think and wants a break. We have been together for 3.5 years and already decided we were to get married and have kids one day. She is the love of my life and I would do anything for her...

After a week apart she says she misses me and wants to get back together. I take her out to dinner and shower her with love. Later that night she says she can't lie to me and said she has been seeing another guy the past week. They were talking while we were together and she actually hung out with him the night after we broke up. They fooled around together and she realized she made a huge mistake and wanted to be with me. I was so distraught and heart broken I never saw this coming.

Months go by and she moves in with my and we are happy on the outside...but my mentality was still damaged and no matter what I did I could never feel better after what she did. I felt the only way to make myself feel better was to cheat on her. This was the biggest mistake of my life. I had sex once with a girl and it was cold and emotionless. I knew then I made a huge mistake and rushed back home to my gf. I never told her what happened and she found out the hard way. Last week while I was sleeping she went through my phone and saw the texts I sent to this girl. She even saw pictures of us holding hands on Facebook and my girlfriend went insane. She smashed pictures of us and even the blackberry I paid for her to use so I know she was safe in the city.

This past week I sent her flowers wrote her poems. I am even reading relationship books on how to get back together and pick up the pieces. My girlfriend always called me an alcoholic which is hard to be when you are 21 but I even told her I am going to go to AA meetings cause I know that is what she would want. I am writing her songs and sending her emails telling her how sorry I am and how I have ruined both our lives.

She said she is disgusted by my and wants nothing to do with me. She also said she would never get back together and that its over forever. She could never forgive me.

Someone please help! I cheated because I thought it would help me escape these thoughts of her going outside the relationship while she knew me and was with me. I want her back so badly. I will do counseling or anything it takes to be with her again.

Updates

+1 y

When I tried talking to her about it she got very defensive. She said we were broken up I didn't even have to to tell you. And when I still couldn't get over it and tried bringing it up to talk she never wanted to. She said stop beating her up over it.

Updates

+1 y

When I asked her if there was another guy that week she said no and lied to me. She said she got with him to get over me but realized it was a mistake. She somehow placed the fault of what she did on me.

Updates

+1 y

She wanted to move on from me cause she thought I would never change. I love her and would do anything for her it is like she has all the control. I am worried if I show her I'm moving on she might quickly go to someone else. I want her back so badly.

Updates

+1 y

I told her last night I am doing me now...and that I am changing to become a better person. Allowing her to go to other guys will be hard but it will also allow her to realize what she left. I know she misses what we had. Thank you enlightenmentandall

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+1 y

How should I react if she has sex with a guy a few times and comes back to me?

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+1 y

I can't really tell her to not see other guys while she is mad at me. Right now technically we are both single and she could be doing anyone she wants. I know she will do something out of anger but then it will make her no better than me. Time will tel

Updates

+1 y

She talked with my friend today. She said she felt like she had closure and that she was moving on. She also said she hopes I can pull things together for myself. Can she really be over me in a week? Should I still giver her space or fight for her bak

Updates

+1 y

So let her go with no more contact at all? I haven't called or talked to her in 3 days. I feel so upset without her and am constantly thinking of the good times we had. Is this the only way she might come back to me? Does she want to be with me?

Updates

+1 y

My friends this has happened to say the girl eventually comes back. She can date whoever she wants but does anyone think she will come back if she realizes the crappy single market out there? She said she loves me but loves herself more and cantbewithme

[cherrydarlings]

It would've been best to come here before cheating. I would've suggested couples or individual counseling to help you get over what she did. Now that you've gone and slept with another girl, it's going to be very, very difficult to get her back. Especially since she initiated the first break. It shows that she was hesitant about something. Then she fooled around with someone else while on the break she initiated. That shows confusion or uncertainty about how she feels about you. Cheating on her just gave her a big reason to bow out. It didn't help that she found out the hard way either.

You've done well to apologize with all your heart. Songs, emails, etc. Right now, give her some space (a few weeks) of no contact. Then you can send a heartfelt card or something. Give her another few weeks, and then you can call. See where it goes from there. Whatever you, don't make excuses for what you did. Tell her you're sorry, weren't thinking straight, and won't let it happen again.

On the flip side, she's no angel. You never know ... she might've initiated the breakup so that she could fool around with another guy. She should not be defensive and should be more apologetic for her action.

[cherrydarlings]

It's not uncommon (and also not a good idea) to have sex with someone else to get over an ex. But it usually the case that the person who was doing it was dumped and heartbroken.

What I don't get is "she" initiated the break. So why did she need to get over you? Did she initiate it unwillingly?

Anyway, two wrongs don't make a right, like UnknownFox said. At the same time, she shouldn't feel justified for what she did. I did something similar (except my ex was the one who dumped me), and

[cherrydarlings]

I still feel like crap about it.

[enlightenment]

she did place blame on you. And unfortunetly you are giving her power to put all the blame on you, when it was totally her who "stated" it, so to say. You are NEVER going to get her back by showering her with gifts. You have to tell her you will always love her and always do anything to make it work, but you are ready to move your life forward and start doing it. When she starts to see you going out and living life without her, she MAY come back around. But you have to start working on you, and making you happy. She will either follow, or you will be setting yourself up to get over her quicker. Either way, win-win.

[enlightenment]

She already has gone to someone else. If you keep smothering her she WILL go. You need to set the bird free, if she loves you she will be back. ITS THE ONLY WAY. don't move on either. Let her know your just going to be focusing more on you and not her. that you are doing it for her, and you hope to be normal again soon, but you realize you have to be happy first before you can be with anyone. Telling her that and then backing off from her, shows great maturity and will get her interested and wondering what you are doing when you normally would have been texting her but you aren't.

[SLR373]

I feel like the only way to be happy is by getting back together with her. It is so hard to not email her or call her. She seems like she is getting better and is moving on from me which scares me a lot. I don't know what else to do I can't move on from the love we had. I know we could rekindle that love if she came back to me.

[UnknownFox]

Well something you should have remembered "Two wrongs don't make a right"

Granted however this is a bit odd cus I've never understood breaks in relationships, want a break, just stay home for the week, don't break up the time.

None the less, to me a break sounds like the relation is still on and the fact she did something with another guy is still like cheating. My main thing is instead of running off behind her back, why didn't you try and talk to her about this? No communication and she may have been able to set your mind at ease or least helped stop this stupid idea.

Id suggest talking to her and telling her the truth, why you did what you did, if you can't communicate feelings with her she won't know what's going on.

[AlanHB]

Wow you guys both suck. How you reasoned yourself into cheating I'll never know, but I think it is more "she hurt me, I'll hurt her back" that got you here. See if you do something to hurt your partner and loose their trust, they go bye bye. Cheating on them is an effective way to do this, so if you were aiming to passively end your relationship in the fastest possible way then congrats!

[AlanHB]

Well she's moving on. Good for her. Now you do it too before you get slapped with a restraining order.

[cherrydarlings]

If she has sex with another guy, I'd suggest not taking her back. She did it once; to do it again makes for an unhealthy relationship between the two of you. Tit for tat for tit ... when will it stop.

[cherrydarlings]

With the new info you've given ... Don't fight for her back; just work on you and moving on. I know it hurts as I am in a breakup situation too right now. I felt/feel like he is the love of my life, but it is clear as day that he is moving on. You have to realize that you've done all you can and now it is up to her to come back to you ... if she wants to. The more you try, the more desperate you look. The more desperate you look, the more she'll pull away.