Should I call him? What should I say?

[Anonymous]

I met this guy and we have gone out about 7 times now. We live about 40 minutes from each other, and the last time I saw him, he took me out for dinner at this pretty classy and expensive restaurant and then we came back to my place and watched a movie, cuddling and holding hands the whole time. Everything seemed great, but then I didn't hear from him until a few days later when he started talking to me online on msn. We had a good chat again, but now I haven't heard from him in over a week. I have been refusing to call him because I felt that he should be the one to call, but now I am getting very confused.

How can you act extremely interested in someone one day, and then not be bothered to call? I should mention that I know he wasn''t using me for sex or anything since all we ever did was kiss (both our decisions, not only me)

I know he has a very time demanding job and does a lot of sports on the side, but should that really excuse his lack of contact?

Should I call him and see what is going on? How can I tell him that I am disappointed about not hearing from him when we aren't even technically in a relationship?

[ChronoCliff]

How can you not have bothered to call him? I may be wrong, but it sounds like you haven't called him once. "Refusing to call him" ? Seriously? That's just you playing by the rules you think are important. YOU LIKE HIM! HE LIKES YOU! It's been 7 dates already for crying out loud. It's typical for a guy to make the initial calls, but there really comes a point where a guy feels like it's time for the woman to show she's interested by initiating something. Not to mention the dating field is more level now, so women are expected to do a little more work.

You're thinking and acting like all the onus is on him and he is fully to blame for this apparent breakdown in a good thing, but look at yourself and what he might be seeing from you. "We've gone out so many times, and they've been fun - at least, I think they've been good. But I'm always the one initiating things and she's never once called ME. Not even to thank me for a nice date. Is she really that interested in me?"

Any relationship needs giving - on both sides. Both people have to put effort in, not just one in and the other reciprocates. So this is how you tell him you're 'disappointed' about not talking to him. "Hi! It's been awhile since you called me, and I've missed talking to you. So I thought I'd just give you a call, see what you've been up to, and if maybe we'll be able to see each other again soon."

One last thing.. if you've kissed, don't you think you're ready to step it up into a real relationship? I wouldn't want to think that the girl I'm dating is maybe out there kissing other guys in addition to me.

[Asker]

I hear what you are saying but I am just going to clarify - I have called him in the past to say hi and initiate dates and all that as well. Just not this week because in our last conversation he ended with saying "I will call you on the weekend", and I never heard anything.

As for stepping it up to a real relationship, I would definitely be ready to do that but I need to at least talk to him to get that all out in the open.

Thanks for the 'script' though, that does sound a good thing to say

[ChronoCliff]

Oh ok then ignore some of the more rebuking parts of my answer. It's a great relief to hear that you have at least called him sometimes :)

[Georgi87]

Maybe he's just disinterested in you. Do you think you might've done something wrong during the last meeting? i.e. Maybe you were too cold and he felt you weren't interested? How was your make-out?

Also, in the age range 18-24, getting to just kissing over 7 meet-ups is pretty slow; maybe he just got tired of driving so far and decided to give up because it was moving too slowly.

Anyway, don't put any pressure on him, and avoid the topics of emotion and responsibility. i.e. "I miss you..." and "How come you haven't been calling me?" are bad things to say.

Something good to say would show him that you have a fun, interesting life. Example:

"Hey, Mark! Can you talk? You won't believe what just happened! I was just going to meet up with Jack for coffee, and saw a lady with a dog in a cat costume! It was just sooooo cute, I stopped and stared! So the lady asked me if I wanted to pet the dog, and of course I did, and then I stood there for 20 minutes..."

etc etc

To warm up for a phone convo, call someone you're comfortable talking to beforehand and talk for a few minutes. If you really want to indicate a desire to meet up, you can do something like:

You: My friend asked me to go to church with her this Sunday! Should be fun! What're you up to this week?

Mark: Bla bla bla, I'm busy Tuesday and Wednesday

You: Oh, you're gonna play hockey on Tuesday? This reminds me, I was gonna go play Badminton with Jessica on Monday, but she called in sick and now I don't really have anything to do :(

OK, hope that helps.

G

[serm416]

I'd call him once to ask him to do something...if he doesn't say yes or offer an alternative suggestion for a get together - I'd back away after that. He may be testing you...but he may also be deciding if he likes you enough to pursue this to another level so needs time to sort it out.

My advice - if he does call - let him know you are happy to hear from him - but don't include any guilt with it...such as "oh I wondered if you would...or it's about time..." just be happy to chat which is much more appealing and less stressful for him. He needs to know his effort is rewarded - not belittled.

Enjoy - don't make it more than it is right now. You're a busy girl with your own life - and you'd welcome the opportunity for him to spend time with you - but it shouldn't be the only thing you are waiting for...or you won't be much of a catch to him.

[GurlieGurl]

I'm the same way. After spending the whole day with my boyfriend (which is very rare) I hadn't talked to him in 2 days after that. When I did call him he was like "oh it felt like you were just using me for sex" Lol. But I wasn't. I just thought he'd call me first then I'd wait, and wait, and I wait all the way til I have to go bed and do the same the next day.

DON'T FREAK, just call him. There's nothing wrong with picking up the phone and calling someone. With my boyfriend and I , I could defiantly say that I wear the pants in the relationship, and I have to make the first move for everything maybe its the same for you.

[originalsin]

I agree with the guys, you should call him just to say I miss you and check on him.

That'll be real sweet...

My boyfriend likes it when I do that.

But of course, you should ask him if he's busy or something since you'll never know his situation by just waiting. He could be having a problem, and it'll be great if you be there for him when he needed you the most!

[geanuine]

He can't be the only one initiating contact. It would seem to him that maybe your not interested in him. I know that there has to be a chaser and a chasee but that doesn't mean that you don't ever call and you leave it all up to him.

Just call the poor guy and hopefully he is still interested.

[melsbianchetti]

act uninteressted ,

on msn , don't be the first to say hi.

dont answer all the calls ,

be flirty

Be Bi-polar

Hot and Cold

i have no idea why

but it worked with the guy I like , keep some mystery and passion cause it keeps the chemistry going on .

I did it and now , I've been dating the guy I love for the past 2 years ! :)

still happy !

If he didn't call you , too bad , move on , the are billions of menn out there!

LITTERALY

[jjjplayboy]

Just call him,

And tell him what you feel about him

If you wait, u'll loose him

[librafire]

I would not call. I would just write him off. Trust me he will call eventually.He cold be occupied with another girl.