Why is my boyfriend embarrassed of me?

My boyfriend and just bought a house together and things have been going well. He told me last night that he sees some things that he wants me to work on. He told me that I need to learn how to cook and I don't clean the house and I didn't go to college and that bugs him. I was so hurt. I told him I work 40 hrs a week and I make $20 an hour! He went to college and he only makes $5 more! He expects me to clean and cook and I work just as much as he does and he doesn't do anything to help out. He said he doesn't see me as a wife because I don't have any of these qualities. I was so mad and he said I was taking things the wrong way. I asked him if he was embarrassed of me and he said no but he is kin of embarrassed to tell people I haven't gone to school.

Am I wrong to be so upset?


Most Helpful Girl

  • No, you are not wrong to be upset. But I can understand his point of view, to an extent. Cooking and cleaning is something you need to know how to do for yourself. Whether you're in a relationship, single, male, or female. I didn't know how to cook, and I never really had to clean anything, except things like dishes and my room, until I was about 19. That's when I met my (then) boyfriend. He had his own apartment, car, knew how to cook and clean and work harder than anyone I've ever met. Well, when he found out I didn't know how to cook, he taught me. I wasn't very excited at first, because I couldn't cook well. Now I love it, it's one of my favorite things to do. And I'm actually good at it, so that is a plus. We moved in together, and both had jobs. In the beginning he did a lot of the cleaning because I wasn't good at it. But, with time I learned and gained skill.

    Now we're married. And there have been times when he worked, and I didn't, so I took on the role of a housewife. But, in turn, there were times when I worked and he didn't. So he took on those responsibilities. And there have been times where we both worked, and both shared the added responsibility of home life.

    What I'm saying is relationships are about balance. And while I do, personally, think you should learn to cook and clean for your own benefit, I do NOT think you should take on all the household duties. If you are both working, he as a man should do his part around the house, just as you should. Now, there will be some days where he doesn't feel well or is too tired, and you should work a bit harder for him. But, the same should be said about him.

    From what you have said, it seems that he thinks the house work is a woman's job, regardless of her actual working hours. This I cannot agree with. It doesn't matter who the actual "bread winner" is. If you both have jobs, you should both help each other at home. If you both work together to get the house clean and food cooked, you'll notice things go a lot faster and smoother than they would if the weight was put onto just one of your shoulders. And neither of you deserve that. If he says he doesn't see you as a wife because you don't do these things, but he refuses to do them himself, then I couldn't see him as a husband.

    Hope this helped, and hope y'all work things out =)

    • Report

      Thanks for your help. And I should also add that I clean the entire house and his only job is to take the trash out and load and unload the dish washer and that's it...but he never does it so I went on strike and I wasn't cleaning any messes that he made. That it was lead to the "talk"

    • Report

      I definitely agree with you. If I were doing all the housework and he wasn't helping, what motivation would I have to continue? At one point, my husband was making more than me, but I was working longer hours. He thought because he was the bread winner that he didn't have to help out at home. This caused a lot of fights. But we talked it through, and eventually worked things out. Men don't always see the woman's side to the story, you sometimes have to pound it in their head before they do.