My boyfriend is being forced by his parents to marry someone else. Help!!
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years, in a long distance relationship. We recently met up for 2 days and it was amazing.
Everything was great the first week after we met, up, But after that he started being distant. About a week ago he admitted to me after I confronted him about his behavior that his parents had pressured him and blackmailed him to marry another girl someone they had chosen for him.
He has never met her before only seen her in a photo, which is how most marriages are arranged in his culture. We are different Nationalities he is Pakistani and I am Middle Eastern but we are the same religion. He said he had no choice as he was pressured and did not want to disgrace his parents by going against their wishes as in his culture it's a huge disgrace, his parents have already said yes to this girl's family whom he has never met and they can not say no now as he tells me. As It has been arranged for them to get married in 6 months and he said he only mets the girl on the day of the wedding. I know his parents don't like me well actually his Mother and did this on purpose as she realized we were considering marriage as he told her after our 2 days together. He says he is very sorry and confused and says he can not hurt his parents.
We are in love with each other and I am very hurt and shocked by what he has done. I never thought he would do something like this, He also says he still loves me and is so confused but doesn't know what to do.
I have a guy who has been chasing me for 2 months now. I have never told my Boyfriend about this guy as it has never meant anything to me, but I know I would be happy with him as he is very sweet, but my heart is not with him it's with my Boyfriend who I love so much. I am so hurt but I love him so much and I don't want to lose him. Please help..I don't know what to do?
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
Let me just tell you that you are way to young to have this dillema. And you don't want two boyfriends.
But what you should do is talk to your long distance bouyfriend and make him choose. If he daoesn't say right away than give some time to think it over. Just don't give him days. If he chooses you then make sure the guy that has been chasing you knows that you just don't care about him anymore. But let him know gently.
If he decides to go with his family and marry the freak he was chosen to marry then talk to the guy chasing you and eplain your story. But don't give too much detail, especially the two days you and your long distant beu were together. Tell him sorry and pray he forgives you and make sure you really are sorry.
If none of this works then go to the park or somewhere you can be alone. Bring pictures of both guys and breath. Clear your head and listen to what your heart tells you. Look at the picture and decide which guy you know you want to spend the rest of your life with. Who would you save if they were both drowning.
Good luck and hope you pick the right guy.
What Guys Said 5
It sounds like you should say goodbye to him since he clearly won't defy his parents. The quicker you do this, the better. But do't jump into a relationship immediately with this new guy. Give yourself some time to breathe and thik what you want. You'll be reounding for a long time, I'm afraid, and it wouldn't be fair to either you or the new guy to start anything right away.
Unfortunately your in a relationship which at this point is out of your control. Basically it's his choice to write the ending of the movie, he can run away from home to be with you and you get married and have a great ending while he fights to get the respect of his parents back. Orrrr he'll marry this women and do what would be right for his family. Sadly to say I believe he marry this women he does not know because it is their culture.
In America we do have our freedoms, but we also have many different cultures and customs unlike any other country.
Accept whatever transition that may come and mark as your next chapter in life.
Look dear...u have a hope is good but problem is, even if you forget about the religion for an instance, your boyfriend has told you that he couldn't do that. I mean he even didn't say that he could try or something like that. That's why I m telling u. If you keep thinking about him then it will just hurt u. Tell him to over it totally then if he told you anything positive like he will try then it's okay but unless he doesn't make any commitments, forget it.
If you feel anytime lonely, you can talk to me about it. Just leave a message if you need my email id. may be you can discuss it more on some messanger. if you are comfortable with it.
hey...it's really a tough situation because Muslims are very strict with the religions values. I really think that you should stop talking to him now. Totally leave him. Obviously if he already told you that he couldn't hurt his parents then it's over. I m so sorry but you should consider that other guy. Don't hurry inot him. Take your time to get over to your boyfriend. And I m saying all that because I m from India and I have some muslim friends. It's not that easy in that part of world(Pakistan).
What Girls Said 8
I am in the same situation like u. I understand what yo are going thru. My boyfriend of 5 years is a malaysian Indian & I'm a malaysian Chinese girl. V both love each other very much. He told about me to his parents since v started dating. Being typical Indian, his parents said no. Everytime I talk to him about marrying me, he was very quiet & he told me tht he will be marrying a girl of his mother choice next year, June 2014. I was furios and depressed when he broke the news to me. I ask of him what we become of us. I knew this very day would come as because of the culture & traditon tht he was brought up with. I wish tht he would stand up on his own feet rather than going with the marriaage of his parents choice.
As the day draws nearer, I pray for courage & strength to let go. Love is when one is willing to sacrifice oneself for another. I have loved him & will always love him. I hope tht eventually he will know.
Give yrself some time to heal. Always believe tht tomorrow will be better.
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Deborah from Texas.
Hey, So what happened with your relationship? I want to know because I m going through excatly the samething as you did ? and I wanna know if I should even try to get him back because he is saying the same exact thing your boyfriend said to you, the only difference between our stories is your middle eastern and I m pakistani.
i can understand what you are going through.its almost my story.i live in Australian and he is pakistani but have been here for a long time.we were in a living relationship for 2 years and finally we decided to get married so he went pakistan to tell his parents, specialli his mum. he really love his mum and he told me its her decision now. but unfortunately she hates me now.
she called me up and gave me some stupid excused but the main reason is she hates me. as she have already selected some one from her family for my boy, and when I got to know, I called that girl up to step back but she created a sense.
my boyfriend has fight for me alot, he even took poison but his family was emotionally blackmailing him, and at the last moment his mum got heart attack and my boyfriend was left with no choice.
he said me I can't do anything, I can't see my mum dying and this is her last wish. (im Muslim, and we have this nikkha thing) so my boyfriend said I will marry her but won't be able to accept this nikkha and that girl by heart. and he said he will always love me, and will live with my memories.so I tried to be strong and said him to do so, but I wasn't able to hold my self so I commit suicide twice.
i can't accept this thing, it way hard for me, I have spend 2 beautiful years with him, I was with him 24/7, each and everything remind me for him. even I hate seeing my self in mirror. I not able to forget his habits, his way of talking, being lazy, hugging me, teasing me.
my life have been ruined. I won't ever be able to let any1 get near me. I seriously want to die, I have tried twice but still I'm alive with that pain.
i can just give you 1 advice. go and get your boy back. because if you will think for others to be happy, then you will left like me, hating your life, being alone and crying forever. I have lost my precious gift and no one can ever understand, what I'm going through. people say time heals all wounds but the wounds left on heart can never be healed. I still want my boy to come back and if I get any chance, I swear I will snatch him back.
Wow, well it never is good news if the groom's family dislikes the girl. Hopefully you weren't in tooooo deep, hopefully it's only burn for a short while, because I would have said you both should fight for each other, but he is not willing to lose his family (and he shouldn't have to) and you deserve to be loved by your mother in law..
It's tough, just follow your heart.
Well, first give yourself some TIME to sort things out. No need to rush from one fella to another.
First, if your engaged boyfriend chooses to go with culture and marry the girl his parents have chosen there's nothing you can do about it BUT consider this. Would you want someone for a husband that will NOT put you and the marriage FIRST? I know it's asking him to make a hard decision but if he's not willing to do that then quite frankly you're better off without him.
Please give yourself some time to heal from the hurt though.
People think that because divorce hurts so bad they just won't get married but what they fail to realize is that when they get deeply involved in a relationship and share sex they're basically the same as married and it hurts when you tear apart a close relationship.