Its my birthday. Realized I have no friends... How do I cope with loneliness?

[Anonymous]

Used to have friends, in university, seems like a falling out but honestly, to me, I've been ridiculed slightly my whole life for my ethnicity (not being white like everyone else), my poor social skills (not so bad now but still... my childhood was very sh*tty and needless to describe it all, I was psychologically scarred at a young age, became introverted and quiet/shy) and whenever I make friends, its like NOBODY puts an effort into staying friends by hanging out or doing things outside of university...

Ive always been a lonely guy. None of my so called friends, my whole life, has ever lived near me. None of them care about me it feels. I do for them, but I guess I'm just an idiot for caring. Its just how I am. I'm selfless despite my egoistic attitude in life. Id take a bullet for a friend I care about even if they don't treat me the same way... Just Because I appreciate who they are and whatever we share...

I considered joining the military or csis as I won't be missed in this life here, besides, id actually have a life experience learning how to be a weapon for my country. Travelling, killing(I don't have a problem with this although I'm sure its a hard experience for those who do, I believe I'm capable of doing the right thing at the right time)... anyway

My life is sh*t. Always has been. Not one "friend" told me happy birthday today. None of them remembered. I don't feel BAD but being the forgotten one, being the guy nobody cares about in the social circle... its sad in its own way. I don't belong in that group. I like them, they are nice people but f***ING consider me as a human being and someone they could talk to.

Its like inviting someone over to your house for supper and a good time and they never do the same back.

Its insulting.

Anyway, the military. CSIS is another option. Some kind of job that gives me real responsibility would be nice. I can do sh*t like that. I have a hard shell. Else I would have killed myself long time ago(used to be depressed/suicidal one-two times in my childhood). Why did I persevere, ill never know, I feel like I just persevere so intrinsically like its part of my core being...

I am not looking for more friends. The less, the better. Quality over quantity. that's how I see things. I just want to better myself, and be strong for myself, Because that's all I ever really had.

Screw having friends. If it happens, it happens.

I just have such a strong sense of loneliness as always, and its hitting me. I know I am simply vulnerable right now, and am venting but if you have anything to say, shoot.

Ill probably delete this tomorrow. Thanks for listening I guess

[Triathlete]

Brotha'...

Just so you know all of us have felt alone at one point or another.

Depression and loneliness won't be solved by joining the Military. You may feel a sense of unity through brotherhood, but you'll still carry that around if you don't deal with it now.

First off Suicide is Never an option. EVER. Suicide is for people that have met there emotional and mental threshold limit and can't take anymore.

You have a lot of feelings going on that you can't express, especially being an introvert.

Its important that you channel those feelings into something positive. Feelings like anger and depression without focus becomes self destructive. Takes those feelings and channel it into something for yourself. Like self improvement, go to the gym, go volunteer etc. Give back and you'll get back.

If you are still feeling like you have no hope...You need to contact you local access and crisis line. They are their to listen and they deal with people in your situation all the time, and can get you the help you need very easy, even if it means to listen. Never think you are alone!

[Asker]

I agree suicide is pretty dumb(and I don't mean because you go to hell, that's just a silly story)

And you are wrong, we are all alone, just some more than others. I'm suprised I have gone this long without getting on antidepressants, without real friends as a support system for life. I'm definitely one of those people who persevere in the worst of conditions I just don't know what for anymore. Are friends even worth my time anymore? Are they worth having?.. Not to me. Not really.I learned a lesson here.

[Triathlete]

Try not to fall in love with defeat and depression. It may feel comfortable, and you may think it's getting you somewhere but it isn't getting you anywhere. Good luck man,...one day at a time sometimes one hour at a time.

[ThickRick]

Joining any kind of team, club, the military, etc will help you gain friends. The kicker is that you have to be passionate no matter what you choose to do. People associate with those who open up and share their level of interest and passion. Work hard, buddy. You will get respect.

Friends matter. They help you rise to the top, and keep you from falling facedown in the gutter every time something doesn't go right. You trying to be a solo hardass will absolutely make life suck, keep that in mind.

[Asker]

Ive fallen facedown in that metaphorical gutter MANY MANY times. I never had friends or even my mother or father or sibings to help me up. Its always been me, just me. Only me. I am a harcore individualist. I don't trust anyone (completely) and I don't rely on anyone (important life lesson right here) ever.

Life does suck because I am a solo hardass. That's just the way its been since as far back as I can remember, I was 7.

[Asker]

I don't know this life you people (I assume you do) have, having friends and supporting each other emotionally, going on camping trips, travelling together, road trips, SOCIAL things...

Im always doing thing alone, at my computer, reading a book, listening to music, learning music... The whole friends thing is very appealing, but to me, it feels like my so called "friends" find me difficult to be friends with in the long run. It goes fine short term. but once summer comes, they're done with me.

[Asker]

Heres a good example for you, new years eve 2 years ago, me and 10 other friends happen to be at a friends house and just so happens we are all gonna play boardgames. Boardgames. I never played boardgames as a kid. Maybe monopoly once. I never had all the kid stuff as a kid. I had maybe one lego compared to everyone elses mountains of legos, boardgames, toys... I mostly just had my imagination. SAD HUH. Well, needless to say, that new years eve was sh*tty for me. Barely had fun. I got drunk

[ThickRick]

It's as simple as joining a club and picking up a hobby. Pick up a goddam Yo-Yo and become the freestyle Yo-Yo champ. There are clubs and competitions for almost any stupid thing. Just join those networks and ask for advice. Give some as well. Don't be a know-it-all.

[Asker]

post-midnight and don't remember a thing after because I drink just one drink too much when I am uncomfortable, out of my element because I don't fit in very well with those friends. I don't belong with anyone after that realization. In order for people to understand me, id have to tell them about my traumatizing childhood. Wheres the mystery in that, DO you do that? Do you? No. You dont. Because you're "normal". When you're me, things are just extra hard that way. F you c k telling anyone my story.

[Asker]

Thats only for me, and people I can actually trust with my whole heart and mind. Which has only been one person, my ex-girlfriend, who I dumped because I got afraid I couldn't love her. Lasted 6 months, and I dump her because she was never a challenge and I'm so nice I'm a jerk. By that I mean, I didn't want to waste her time with me when I didn't feel like I loved her. Being my first girlfriend, I was naive, and shot the gun prematurely. caring for others mostly brought me little or nothing. Its just a pattern.

[Asker]

ASk for advice and give some as well? I've been there done that, I have an opinion for nearly everything. Politics, food, religion, nanotechnology, games... Sorry, but I am quite knowledgeable, and much more mature than kids my age. And I am a very good advice giver. I answer my own questions by the way. This is just an exception more or less.

Thanks for the tip though, joining a club or something would be an improvement.

[ThickRick]

There's you're problem. You think you know it all, and you're too good for everyone. Do you have any idea how people receive that attitude? Yeah, humble up a bit and learn how to let others speak.

[Asker]

What you just said is true. But its just how I think. If you lived my life, you would be too. All the people I know have had nice easy lives. I had the tough hard one. A really tough one, psychologically. I dealt with many many hardships. My "friends" don't know that. maybe 1-2 did BARELY. But they got through it without having losing their true self unlike me. I turned into this pessimistic, knowitall(sure sometimes), arrogant jerk when really, I think I'm interesting, nice, friendworthy. I'm not.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Hey, hang in there; good friends are hard to come by nowadays. My birthdays is coming up, and I only have two friends I'd like to see. There's several more I could invite, but I refuse because of many the same reasons you said; they aren't good friends to me. During school we were always talking and hanging out, now only one other person bothers to text or call. It sucks a little, but I'm not gonna be bummed about it.

My father was in the military; he made some of his best friends there. Plus, your still young and will have vast experiences meeting new people, and I'm sure a few awesome buds here and there.

Your definitely a friend worth having since you care so much for people; you just have to find people who accept you for who you really are...

Keep your head up okay?

And Happy Birthday.

[Asker]

You are 17. It's easier to make friends when you are in school. even high school. I'm 22. finishing up my degree heading for a job, getting a new place, etc... When you don't have many friends left, even my best friend since grade 7 pretty much replaced me for his new girlfriend and new friends he met through her, he's gone from my life now. It sucks, but f*** him, I'm so used to be dealing with life on my own, I'm starting to not care about people anymore. Id like to be around people and make friends,

[Asker]

it just feels that I'm not meant for that type of life. Which is why I considered signing my life away to the military, granted, the thought of losing a limb or two, or three,or my life is a very sh*tty deal in comparison to the salary given to soldiers...

I just don't feel afraid of death. Yet I want to feel something worthy of being human. Friendship, and even love aren't my strong points this life. Maybe the next.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Well, if you just give up, then yea you'll stay in the same limbo state your in now; dude, your only 22; that's pretty young. You can meet friends through work, while your out - you just have to keep trying.

[angyismytitle]

Never feel like an idiot for caring for someone. First of all Second of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :) shame on them for not making you feel appreciated. If you need a friend I'm here but since you said "screw having friends" I'll gladly be a random non friend that you can talk to. :)

[Asker]

To be honest, there's little point for having online friends like say you and me, don't take offense, but I've been there, done that. Rather have a real life relationship/friendship with someone. Not the "hi I'm from Nepal" "im from colombia" "COol lets be friends."

... You know how it is. Its empty and I rather like a friend I can physically do active things with or play games, talk in person or over the phone... Nepal to colombia can get expensive if you know what I mean.(and yes I know I sound

[Asker]

like a little frustrated **** pardon my language. life has a funny way of f***ing with me.But I try and be optimistic most of the time. Thanks for the words though.

[angyismytitle]

No problem. :) I understand the hole real friends v.s. online friends thing. I'll pray for you. I would take all of this as a sign that you are a strong person. Not many people could get through so many struggles without breaking.

[juice1]

Happy Birthday man...Just think positive for yourself. Life can sometimes suck playa but if you fight through it, in the long run something good may come out of it.

[Asker]

Ive been fighting "it" since I was 6. Rough childhood, family life and school experience all the way to freshman university. Yeah, ill keep fighting, its a shame I never had the opportunity to be that guy everyone seems to get along well with or actually would want to hang with because he's interesting and s h I t. I turned out to be that guy, xept for the whole, nobody understand the real me, I speak my mind too honestly and blunty, not afraid to say anything about anything, don't take sh it from

[Asker]

others ever, hard to make friends because of my "hardass" and sometimes serious personality despite being such a kid on the inside. I had to grow up fast and pretty much raise myself emotionally, which is takes a huge toll on a kid when he's just that, a kid. I think I would have been better off if I grew up on a deserted island with nothing to my name. Id definitely be happier when I think about it. I hate being pessimistic, depressed and I know I sound like it but optimism is a rare state of mind

[Asker]

for me. Being a rational, realist about life makes things a lot more gloomy. Life isn't rainbows and butterflies, it could be. But for most of the billions in this world. Its not. Life is hard. I just happen to have a harder life than most kids here in North America. First world countries and I feel like a third class citizen.

[strata]

link I strongly suggest you take a look at this site. The guy who wrote it came from personal experience and it's very sound, eye-opening advice.