My boyfriend didn't invite me to his birthday party? What should I do?

I've been dating my boyfriend for nearly 3 months, and he's been a sweetie pie for the most part. We do have some differences, as he's more of a homebody and I like going out and doing things, and he's more sensible and mature, and I'm very emotional and caring, sometimes for my own good. We've been dating since October, and I have met his family for dinner once and his mother has expressed wanting to take us out for dinner sometime as well. I haven't met his grandparents though, and probably won't. He lives with them and he has said that they are very backwards and have no idea that he's dating. (He's white and I'm black)

Just recently, I moved an hour away to a different college. We agreed to keep our relationship going and I told him I would be home on the weekends (which is probably a mistake) to see him. Well I came home last Friday and he told me that he was going out with his friends drinking Tuesday night and I understood, I'll be at school. But then he said his family was throwing him a party for him Saturday, and I was kind of taken aback because I thought he would at least ask if I wanted to come.

I decided to scope out to see who would be coming and he said it was a "family and friend thing" I don't know if I should take that as a red flag or not.I have been feeling that I take this relationship more seriously than he does, and that I should back off a bit since I just moved to a university, but I'm scared of losing him, so I was a little offended that he didn't invite me to his party. He didn't see me on my birthday in November, but the day after, and we spent Christmas seperately, and had our own Christmas together a few days later just the two of us. We spent New Years together.

I dunno, should I ask him about it or take it as a red flag and be offended?

i'm 19, and he's turning 21. I know he isn't cheating or anything, and he's actually quite sensitive and wants to be with me. he said he's very patient and willing to wait due to our situation, but sometimes I do feel like he's being inconsiderate.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, as crappy as it is to say, there might be legit reasons for him not to invite a girlfriend to an event that has a lot of family present, especially family that could because problems for him (read: grandparents). When you don't have your own place to live, but rather have to rely on other people whose opinions you often disagree with, you often have to shut your mouth and bite your tongue and try not to rock the boat.

    HOWEVER, IMO, he at least owes you an explanation of why he didn't invite you. If I were in that situation, I might say "this is a family thing, and it's better for them if they don't know I have a girlfriend, for the following reasons: ...", and I'd also say "my close friends and I are going to do something later, and of COURSE you'll be invited."

    You don't get to choose your family, but you do have to live with them sometimes, so you have to make the best of it.

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      yeah, I just want to take it easy, and not to jump to conclusions just yet. I do think he owes me an explanation, considering we are doing something that Friday before his birthday party. but he can't stay long because his friends are coming to his place (I assume his grandparents) that night and spending the night. :/ hmm