Do you think "fairy-tales" do more harm than good for young girls when it comes to romance / dating?

Question

Being "beautiful" by makeup, jewelry and extravagant clothing, is seen as the only way to attract the "prince".

Being passive and "helpless", waiting to be "saved" by the "prince"; aka "damsel in distress".

"Beauty" (from the above description) being the sole factor for attracting the "prince" in the first place. All other qualities such as intelligence, personality, etc. are secondary to her "beauty".

The self-worth of the "princess" is fully dependent on the romantic acceptance/approval of the "prince".

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Do you think this is psychologically / socially damaging for girls to be exposed to "fairy-tales", as often as they are?

Do you think "fairytales" sends young girls the wrong message about romance / dating / relationships?

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factors to consider:

*the idea of "beauty is more important" over all aspects of her as a person

*lack of drive to hone her talents/abilities (schooling, sports, artistic skills, etc) cauz she care more about being beautiful more than anything else

*lack of independence / ambition; always relying on someone else

*dependent upon approval of her beauty from males

*etc

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Vote and respond as much as you like.

P.S. Guess the pokemon. 8-)

jrose · Accepted Answer

I would say if you let them watch just fairytales alone it givens them a really warped sense of self-worth and terrible expectations for relationships as well as for themselves. I mean, watching Beauty and the Beast now literally horrifies me- it's a classic abusive relationship and it teaches girls that if you just stay long enough and love a guy long enough he'll change. WTF? Also, it kind of teaches that a woman's sole goal in life is to find the right guy and get married- no other use. Only HE has to find HER and to attract him she must be virtuous, beautiful, helpless and just a bit less intelligent than he is. So yeah, if a little girl is fed a straight diet of that- it could end up giving her a very skewed world view.

But honestly- I watched Aladdin, The Little Mermaid, Snow White etc., as a little girl. Mind you, being a bit of a tomboy I also watched stuff like the Fox and the Hound, Rin Tin Tin, the Lion King etc. which are geared a little more towards boys and tend to focus more on the choices you make rather than the whole fairytale ending thing that's destined to happen because you're beautiful...

If I had a daughter- I wouldn't stop her from watching them, I just might suggest also watching movies with stronger female figures like Mulan and Shrek (I LOVE Mulan by the way, even now!). And I'd also make sure to teach her that fairytales are great and all, but you don't NEED a man to fulfill your life and most things you want you have to work for (sometimes you do get lucky) regardless of whether you're beautiful. And you should ALWAYS stand on your own two feet whether you're single, dating, married, or widowed. Basically- I spend her formative years on my female empowerment soapbox so she grows up believing she's just as strong and capable as anyone else,regardless of their gender.

musicbrain5 · Accepted Answer

Voted "B". A lot of those stories give young girls (let's say ages 3 - 10, when they start to understand them but also when they are most impressionable) a false sense of what their own romantic lives (and lives in general sometimes) will be like. This is one of my main qualms with Disney. If you've ever watched a Disney movie featuring one of their princesses, you notice that every other one you watch afterward has basically the same premise - damsel in distress, totally naive, rescued by Prince Charming, gets married and / or lives happily ever after. It gives young girls the idea that when they do go and date someone, that the relationship is going to last and that it's going to be absolutely perfect.

Disney movies in particular have almost single-handedly conveyed this fake image, and while I have no problem with girls watching these movies (hell, I owned all of them), I do hope that as they get older, reality sets in so they don't get a big shock - that OMG, life isn't perfect!

Does that make sense?

LJHam · Accepted Answer

Wow, that's an interesting question. I never thought about the impact of fairy tales before. I think it would depend greatly on how much emphasis is put on the stories by a girl's parents. The more the stories are read to her and promoted as being true or something the girl should live up to, then yeah, it'll be more likely that those beauty obsessed, dependent upon others, gotta be saved by a prince ideals are going to influence her in a not so great way.

Your question reminded me of a picture someone posted about Disney princesses. I uploaded it to my profile: link

kholland65 · Accepted Answer

Psychologists have already proven this to be the case.

They've found that fairytales, movies, romance novels, etc. give women false expectations in their own lives and relationships.

They start expecting that their relationship play out like in a movie, and if it doesn't, it must be doomed. They also assume that the guy must be a prince charming and if he's not, then he's not a match.

This also trickles down to men. Since enough women have begun adopting a desire for this fairlytale life, many guys begin taking notice and try to play into that desire. This leads to disaster because in actuality girls don't really want a guy who acts that way because it feels cheesey, wimpy, masculine, and desperate. The guys in turn get frustrated because they can't understand why their approach to women is working, when they are doing exactly what they thought women wanted, and the women get frustrated because they can't find a guy who "is a real man".

Basically it causes a war of contradictions.

pirofaz · Accepted Answer

Actually I think that the thing men whine about women come from nurture, and the fairy tales they are told are just a tip of the iceberg on the elements of female nurture that turn them into superficial-fake-irrational beings.

I believe that in that sense the traditional sexist system is selfullfilling.

I'm not saying we have to raise daughters identically to sons, but I think we should contemplate other ways of raising daughters.

We should teach them:

-to be competitive without hurting others.

-to be both rational and emotional, cause emotions matter also.

-to play with things that are not barbies.

-to be cute but also tought, resistant.

-to be aware and cautious without cynism.

-To seek their goals.

Otherwise we are just throwing into garbage the potential of 50% of the world population

Anonymous · Answer

Girls get better grades, tend to volunteer more and commit fewer crimes than males. But the blunt truth is that kinda character and intelligence driven stuff doesn't turn men on.

In fact, there are more men are completely angry about women's dedication to their careers than there are guys who are extremely happy about it. Most guys are indifferent -- they'd choose a hot girl with a GED over a plain one with a PhD. A lot of girls, especially those brought up to believe male approval is the most important thing (from mom's example ... not fairy tales) ... don't tend to care about anything but looks. Girls who were brought up with mom's who value other things tend to feel that their looks AND career AND house-work AND friendships need to be perfect...

Fairy tales don't influence biology.

UberTroll · Answer

I voted B but I think it has more to do with how the girl is raised than anything else. I grew up watching fairy tales just like every other girl and I don't expect a perfect Prince Charming to sweep me off my feet. If parent just plunk kids in front of the TV and don't bother trying to teach them anything about life themselves then of course the child is going to have a warped perception of reality. But if the girl is brought up to actually think and see the world around her for what it is then watching fairy tales is no worse than any other form of entertainment.

PinkPenguin · Answer

I think everyone should have hopes and dreams. Didn't you believe in Santa when you were a kid? That he'd come to every children on earth in one night and bring them presents? Did anyone believe in the toot fairy? That she'd leave a dollar under your pillow in return for one of your milky teeth? The Easter bunny? Anything? Sure, it's sad when you find out it's not real, but when you didn't know it would make us happy, right?

And in the end it's up to the parents to emphasize on the fairy tales, what they want their children to learn from them.

samhradh_leannan · Answer

I think it depends on what else they are being exposed to in addition to the fairy tales. If most of their entertainment and media exposure consists of traditional, "damsel in distress" type fairy tales, I think that could be very harmful. But if they are exposed to those stories in addition to more empowering influences- non-traditional fairy tales, other types of stories, explanations from adults, etc- I think they are harmless and fun.

Iceferret · Answer

i voted A (I blame the lag on my laptop), but really was meant for B.

I always felt fairytale only show part one of the story and there's a part 2 that should have been shown but didn't. They never elaborated the "lived happily ever after".

Beauty does attract the prince initially. The princess's intelligence and personality, which is very important would be what keeps that ending "lived happily ever after" possible.

pr3ttybr0wn · Answer

I totally agree. Why do you think you hear about women looking for their "prince charming"? Who the f*** is that? Besides boys aren't watching fairy tales when they're younger so what do you get when you get a bunch of dizzy headed girls looking for true love amongst a dating pool of men who, well..aren't? This is why girls get played so much because many of us are living in fantasy worlds instead of real life.

goldgunsgirls · Answer

Good question. But I have to go with A. Parenting is the more important aspect of shaping a young girl. What matters is what values the parents teach their children both directly and indirectly by example. If the parents consistently discussed values with their children and explained that personality was more important than looks, any amount of vain-fairy-tale exposure wouldn't change much at all about how the children would grow up.

InquisitiveMale · Answer

The good and the bad in my opinion. I do think it serves to create a world for them that reality does not match... but on the other hand the blunt truth could be just as damaging. It's a good question and I think I'll follow it to see what others have to say.

BehindTheFront · Answer

I'd rather have my daughter read a fairytale than watching half-naked-dancing-on-a-poll girls in a video clip, they both are trying to be with the guy at the end, but the princess way is  much better than the slutty way.. !

desidoll · Answer

I choose B.Fairy tales promote many ridiculous stories that make the younger girls believe it also can happen in real life.Nice question prof.5 star for you :D

Prettygurl12 · Answer

Fairy tales teach us that all you have to do with your life is sit around singing to birds and a rich charming man will come take you to his castle and you'll have riches. It also teaches that all people respect and want the best for you in life.

It's a load of crap.

sixstring · Answer

I always say romantic "novels" and comedies are the female equivalent of p*rn. P*rn is the outing of male fantasy, and portrays women in an unrealistic way.

Romcoms are outin of female fantasy, and portrays men in an unrealistic way.

Just look at all the teenage girls waiting for their own Edward Cullen.

Anonymous · Answer

Thye do harm because it's this fake thing that's not going to happen when you are young..it's going to take years and years of finding a good man.Not to mention the heart breaks that ones going to be going through if it doesn't work out.

Moloch · Answer

Harmful because it teaches little girls things that are not true and not indicative of how the REAL world works.

Settingemstraight · Answer

not a problem.  They are drawn to these stories anyway. If they're not that type of girl they won't like those stories anyway. Girls and boys iz different to begin with. It's not society's fault

TheGodEmperorLeto · Answer

Depends. As long as the parents make it clear that it's fantasy and not reality and raises them right? Nope. If the parents stupidly let TV raise them? Yep.

Anonymous · Answer

Totally f*cks up girls minds. There is no prince charming, no happy ending unless you work for it. There are more beasts than beauties.

mashura · Answer

I vote b. It sux when you find out its not like the fairytales

emzy-89 · Answer

i had exposure to them and I didn't turn into a woman who believed any of the above factors.

Anonymous · Answer

Pornography and prostitution are more harmful and dangerous.

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