My boyfriend and I have been going out for 3 months. The passed few weeks, he's been bringing up his financial problems and how he can't even afford Xmas presents for his daughter.
i haven't seen him to exchange Christmas gifts yet, but I have a feeling he didn't get me anything. (1.should I be upset about this? I mean, he could've at least made me something, right? but I doubt he did =[ )
anyway, I ended up getting him cologne, a DVD, and 2 gifts for his daughter, equaling about $120. A few days ago, I told him I got a couple presents for his daughter and he's like "that's really thoughtful of you. I hope you didn't get me anything..." I didn't reply.
I want to give him his gifts because he really means a lot to me, but will that just make him feel worse if he didn't get me anything?
...you could tell him that you wanted to get him something because you care about him, but that you understand that he's broke and don't need or expect anything from him. Tell him that your relationship isn't about material things and that, while you expect things to turn around for him eventually, your gifts are meant only to show how you feel. Don't make him feel worse!
Of course it's possible that he couldn't be bothered, and, yes, I suppose that he could have made something for you, but a lot of guys are pretty clueless in that department. He may just need some gentle training, but you were motivated to get him something and I think it's fine to follow through with that as long as you don't use it as a stick to beat your relationship to death.
Get gifts, if you don't expect anything. But don't give any more than you can afford (or care) to lose. Don't put money away that you don't know if it will come back.
He could have at least tried to make something, though. I'm pretty poor right now, but I saved and bought something for everyone; I'd like to think the true gift was the effort put into finding something they might like.
Luckily I'm artistic, so I get to make things, which helps. My sister has given me "freebies" - things she gets from radio stations, old books she didn't want any more... etc. This year, I got a gift that cost about $3; there was some thought put into it, and it's one of my favorite gifts of the year.
Part of learning to give gifts is learning that you are "giving" gifts. If it went both ways all the time we would call it gift exchanging ;) When ever you give, you should expect nothing in return. I think it was very thoughtful of you to do what you did. Had it been me, I might have gotten his daughter something as a secret Santa, or say it was him. And I would have gotten him just a card wishing him merry Christmas. The reason why I would limit it to just a card would be because he would probably feel embarrassed he couldn't get you anything in return. If you just had to get him something else: keep it really cheap and something you can share together. Like popcorn, soda, and redbox / netflix. I don't think you're being shallow. You just want a token of his affection (you mentioned you wish he had made you something). And under different circumstances he might have thought of that. But I know if I was in he's shoes: had a daughter and not enough $ to get her anything. a sweet girlfriend and not enough money to get her anything. I'd probably be a little depressed.
That attitude seems materialistic and self-centered. I get my girlfriend a gift or take her out somewhere because I enjoy doing so- not because I expect something in return. If material objects are more important to you, try seducing a rich guy so that you can get whatever material things you like- but last I checked, that isn't what a relationship is about.
Gosh so much hate from the other users. You still haven't seen him yet. Now if he really didn't get you anything, I'd be a little concerned here. If I was flat broke, that wouldn't stop me from doing SOMETHING. I mean geeze... a simple home cooked meal and a movie night or driving around looking at Christmas lights. No girl, who truly loves her guy, would be upset that a guy didn't give her something pricey.
yes, if you got something for him from your heart, just give it to him. Giving is not about reciprocity and receiving something in return. It is about giving freely and not expecting anything in return.
Honestly, the fact that people always expect something in return for Christmas really amazes me. I mean, the fact that he even told you prior to it being Christmas that he wasn't in the financial means for Christmas presents should have already been a hint. It's nice that you decided to get him and his daughter a gift though, I still say go through with it. Really, gift giving is a tad bit superficial in my opinion anyway, when out of a 365 day time period, when he can always show his affection in any way aside from giving you a gift on a holiday, you really don't need to be upset about it whether he got you a gift or not.
Is he raising his daughter , For you to buy his daughters gifts to . I mean if his daughter lives with her mom and you only been dating him for 3 months , To me you are moving to fast and over doing it . As for him , If he's having money problems, And he's bought things for you in the past no big deal . But he would've just got a card from me that's it , You got to deserve my money. It's not about giving , I believe in that . But you don't want to be taken advantage of that's what I hope is not happening to you. .
Just give it to him, I'm sure he'll be really happy, especially knowing that you don't resent the fact he didn't get you anything (besides you don't even know if he does have a present for you or not!)
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