Ex dating much younger girl

my boyfriend and I broke up after 3.5 years together. he had been texting a new girl behind my back. he acted as if he was upset about the break up but a week later he was bragging to his friends that he has a 'hot new girl'

he is going to be 29. I'm not positive on her age because my ex hesitated when I asked him. she's either 22 or 23.. but again, he hesitated so she could even be younger?

my question is - what could a guy his age have in common with someone that young? is it only for booty? what substance is there?

its not that I'm jealous and I know there are a lot of girls who are mature for their age.

i just want to better understand a guy's thought process on the whole matter?

and I realize age difference isn't that big of a deal when you are older.

i just feel like in your early 20s you are just starting to figure out what you want. his friends have told me that she's just arm candy and there is nothing else there besides her looks. he's not even taking her out on dates just likes having her around.


Most Helpful Guy

  • It's not that he's into younger women, just has no defense against them. They're like frolicking puppies, with cute little tails and big puppy dog eyes, and we just want to pick them up and play with them.

    I meant, he just wants to pick them up and play with them. I'm impervious to their flirtatious nonsense.

    Younger women are a draw, on the serious side, because they release men from the responsibility of their own age group, allowing them to feel younger. It's one more way of going off into his own little world with someone fresh and new to being on their own. And by the time a man is his age, he can afford all the things a young girl needs: car repairs, rent, clothes, jewelry, etc.

    Some young women are so in need of assistance they can actually drain an old fart's entire bank account before he realizes it. Thus enabling all the old women to laugh and gawk at him as he orders off the dollar menu for years afterward. Of course, all the old women have forgotten when they were a hot 18-22 year old causing car wrecks when they walk down the street...

    Yeah, you're right, actually. It's the sex.

    • lol thanks for the comment. honestly this guy has no money. I would pay for 90% of our dates, I bought him groceries, he was unemployed when I met him & had a 2ND dui. I turned his life around,motivated him with his job & getting back into school. he can barely pay his rent& he borrows money from his mom for gas &some bills. I guess when I met him I wanted to save him? I naturally see the good in people & overtime fell in love with him. but anyway.. I'm not sure theyre going out unless she's paying

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    • thats what many of my friends have said too- the part about someone his age wouldn't have him.

      i know now that I'm older I wouldn't put up with a guy like him. I am no into my career , bought a new car, saving for a house. he just doesn't seem to have his head on straight yet with any of those things. I tried helping him, but I guess he will be the person he wants to be.

    • It's sad more older women don't take us slackers under their arm. Why do we only get picked up by older women if they're our middle school teachers? I need a new car and a better roof over my head.

      Sure, I'm a slacker, but I'm well endowed, was a great massage school student before I dropped out, and can cook with the best of them (although the cleaning part is lost on me).

      Where are all the 50 year old wealthy divorcees and career women when I need them?

      I'd be a good kept man.

What Guys Said 27

  • Some guys need to brag to their mates about a younger girl. Usually a guy only 29 doesn't have that syndrome, thoough, that is pretty rare.

    You're quite right, though, at those ages, she's effectively a generation younger than him.

  • Is having things in common important?

    It seems to me all the hobbies most people have vanish when they settle down and have kids anyway.

    Guys look for looks first. Second they look for 'sweet' and appreciative and loving. And that's about it. What kind of substance are you imagining he wants, beyond being together and being happy?

  • It isn't like she was 18 or 19...a female at 22-23 can have the mental maturity to date a guy in his late 20s.

  • I've heard the best age woman for a man is someone half his age, plus seven years. And that was from two women I worked with.

    Just google "half your age plus seven" and you'll see it's a common phrase.

    So that means I need a girl who's 27 or so...

    Maybe someone inquisitive in the 25 to 29 year old bracket, a brunette. Wonder who fits that bill?

    That is, only if your mom isn't rich and in need of a computer repairman/graphic designer/massage therapist/bodyguard/landscaper/mechanic/writer. We need to balance the scales of life, here.

  • 6-7 years difference is nothing. Seriously, that's nothing. I would just consider that normal.

    Since the beginning of time women have preferred older men and men have preferred younger women (generalizing of course). I've known women who would not even consider a man less than 10 older than her. I've known late 20s-early 30s women who would consider a man her age to not be mature or responsible enough. (btw, I don't agree with that, but that's how they felt)

    Even though some women actually have a preference for older men, I think most of the time it's probably just a matter that they met, fell in love and there is nothing more to read into it. It has nothing to do with gold digging, nothing to do with a younger woman putting out or anything like that. It's just straight forward attraction and love.

    When the age difference is very large there can be some very real practical considerations that need to be addressed. One big one is children. I know a woman who married a man 18 years older. He already had a vasectomy at the time they married, but she thought she didn't want kids. When her biological clock was ticking into her 30s she changed her mind. She still loved him very dearly, but ended up divorcing because he couldn't have kids and didn't want to raise IVF children from a sperm bank. They still loved each other dearly, but they were just at different points in their lives.

    So there are very real issues that need to be addressed with large age differences. But 6-7 years difference is not even close being large enough to worry about stuff like that.

    • i understand. I prefer a guy a few years older than me myself. but I am also going to be 27 next month. I feel like I am definitely in a different mental state than I was when I was 22 or 23. the early 20s you are still developing yourself and figuring out who you are. it isn't until 25 or older that I think people finally start figuring that out and starting careers, etc etc. (for some people it even takes longer).

    • I agree there can be (and probably is) a big difference in maturity between 22 and 29. But you can't read anything into it or assume anything about his motives. Without knowing them, I'd say the most likely thing is that they met, liked each other, and went from there. Even *IF* he is showing her off that doesn't mean that's the *reason* why he is with her. Big difference. *IF* that's what he's doing, be glad you had the chance to get rid of him and move on to someone who's not so shallow.

  • Most guys would always settle for a younger girl, its nothing to do with looks, because women peak as they turn 30, so 30 plus women are stunners, but its more to do with the mental maturity of a younger woman, because a guys mental maturity at 30 would suit a girls at 22,x

    • thanks for your comment. I just think it has to do with looks in this situation because of the fact when his friends asked him why he was with her his only reasoning was 'shes hot!" I know girls usually mature faster than guys do, but I get the impression from what I hear from his friends this is not the case.

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    • yeah, but I am 2 years younger than him and very good looking. he doesn't want that. he just wants YOUNGER. :) I hope I read your response right.

    • Your obviously a lot more mature than her and more than what he can handle, but this is not a defect, this is a compliment, your talents will be recognised by a man instead of a boy in future,x

  • She will look up to him like he is "it".

    She can tell her friends she has a man, he possibly has a job and place of his own and nice car. There is a lot younger girls love about an older man. While guys her age are bouncing around on top of a girl thinking they are acomplishing something, he can take his time and hit her buttons just right.

    Think about it. I had an older woman who taught me many things I think she was 39 and very attractive.

    Think about it.

    • he has a job, but not a very good one. he has his own place but suffers to pay the rent.. and he has a nice car, but its his moms and he barely makes car payments to her. he wasn't able to get his own car because his credit rating is the lowest it can possibly be.

      i would literally help him pay some of his bills, buy him groceries and things for around his house. I paid for 90% of our dates... I just can't see a new girl coming into the picture and accepting those things. he doesn't have much to offer.

  • My last ex turned 22 while we were in the Bahamas last year. I turned 40. We had a few basic things in common. Both of us had the time to take off to the Bahamas for a few months. Both of us liked each other. Both of us thought it was fun to be together. That was enough for a time.

  • Most guys date younger girls because younger girls are more willing. Meaning they are easier to mold, and more engaging. They take more risks. Other reasons being some guys feel a younger girl makes them feel young too. And lastly, he probably just wanted a younger girl in the sack. Translation? Your ex is a piece of trash. I think he did you a favor by leaving you. Go and find someone better, and wiser. Regardless of age or whatnot.

    • thank you. I'm sure it is a blessing in disguise.

  • When I was 16, all the girls dated guys 18-23 years old.

    You girls started it.

    • haha yeah, but I feel like that's OK though - a 16 year old dating a guy who was 18..or up to 21 is somewhat normal. they are still in the same mental state - they are all still learning who they are and developing themselves as a person. after 21 I think it gets a little iffy. I say that because 21 year olds are obviously legal to drink and its tough to date someone you can't take to the bar with you. and a guy who is 23 dating a 16 year - there is something wrong with that guy's head haha

    • We are allowed to drink at 16. By the way, it is a question of maturity, no doubt. Maybe the girl is very mature, you don't know...

  • Maybe it's his way of moving on. He needs to fool around a bit so he can get over you.

    Personally, I prefer women that are older.

    • a handful of people have told me the same thing. when we broke up he was sobbing. before this I have never even seen him tear up. he said it was very hard for him to see me let alone talk to me after the break up because his feelings were still so strong (whether this is true or not, I don't know) he claims he met her after we broke up, although I doubt it considering she's already showering at his place after a week of breaking up. not sure if she's a rebound or not..

  • First of all, there are two kinds of men who would date a much younger women. 1. the conceited male. He looks at younger women as trophies, shows up his buddies, controls the younger lady, and lastly (but it is the most important), feeds his EGO.2. The compassionate male. He dates a much younger women because the older women usually have more emotional baggage, are set in their ways, less lively, and less perkiness.I'll take a much younger lady (as long as she is legal)over a much older lady any day (or night).

    • can he be a little bit of both? ha ha I think he is def more of the first guy. his best guy friends told me he was bragging to them about her via xbox. both of his friends were shocked. his friends were both envious of his relationship &never understood how he could get someone like ME. they told me I was the total package and gorgeous and he will regret his decision one day.

      i don't have emotiona baggage as I was w/him for over 3 yrs, but we did get settled in our daily routines but that's normal

    • Yes of course he could be both, but he will come to his senses one day and he will regret losing you.

  • Who cares, she's young. When you're a man at that age, you get your pick of the litter.

  • why do you care? didn't you just said you broke up with him after he was secretly back stabbing you?

    seriously! just accept the fact that you two are not together anymore and move on with your life. let him be a loser! his actions will not affect you in anyway, so get over it already

    • orig he broke up w/me because he felt like I had more feelings than he had for me.. but he kept sayin he wanted to get dinner in a few weeks to talk.. he kept pushing it off until I finally said if he wants to talk we need to talk because I wasn't dragging it on anymore. that's when I found her stuff at his place already and told him I was not ever going to be with him again. (he was trying to force me to NOT go into the bathroom where our puppys crate was) and that's when I saw her stuff there.

  • That darling is no age difference at all.

    I often see Aussies in their 50's with some Filipinos bombshells of 20's and they have kids and they are happy well men are happier LOL!

    • thats cause they marry tai / filo sluts from overseas...those girls marry anyone from outside the country for a better life...

    • i completely agree with Bengi. Funny you should bring that up because my ex's DAD did that. (thats a totally DIFFERENT topic lol) he got 4 different women pregnant (one being my ex's mom) and is now in the philipines and married to a girl 20 some years younger. complete womanizer. although he didn't know his dad past the age of 7... I guess the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree huh?

  • She's hot or she's really awesome to hang out with. Like I mean I would go out with her and she would make my day kind of girl! that's probably why..

  • Well that's not a relationship! That's called "babysitting"!

  • Well you broke up so why don't you let them go...maybe its for booty/looks.. you really can't know why unless you ask him

    • definitely not asking him. his friends pretty much told me that he was bragging about his hot new chick. they were all shocked. (see the comment I wrote above yours to the other guy)

  • Is not your problem if she is 18 or 22 if she likes him and they have communication is not a big deal. few years sew nothing so this problem is subjective
    Is possible a girl at 20 be more mature then a 30. Or not

  • Hottie ;p

  • why do you care if your not jealous? you broke up with him move on who cares live your life let him live his

    • orig he broke up w/me because he felt like I had more feelings than he had for me.. but he kept sayin he wanted to get dinner in a few weeks to talk.. he kept pushing it off until I finally said if he wants to talk we need to talk because I wasn't dragging it on anymore. that's when I found her stuff at his place already and told him I was not ever going to be with him again. (he was trying to force me to NOT go into the bathroom where our puppys crate was) and that's when I saw her stuff there.

  • Sorry, but plenty of girls that age aren't very different mentally from girls in late twenties. And they're a lot hotter.

    I know women hate it and look down at it when men their age get younger women--but that's just how it is, something men can and often will do. And according to reports, it's awesome, lmao.

    • This actually makes sense...

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    • If you agreed with it, I would be shocked. Women hate it when men their age date younger girls, because they must. It's a hatred borne of need. If men your age, late twenties, all decided to chase younger women when they hit the age to marriage, it would spell a lot of trouble for single women who didn't marry early. However, as a man, I have heard of huge advantages of dating younger girls when you hit late twenties--at which time, dating becomes *so* much easier for men, haha.

    • As much as girls will down-vote me: the fact is, if you want to marry and have a family, not only is a younger girl going to look up to you more, she's probably hotter (more in the peak of her personal hotness, haha) and if you want kids, a younger girl gets pregnant a lot faster. Also, she just has a lot less *history* and emotional baggage. That, and if you can get a younger girl, as a guy... why would you *not*?! Lol!

  • You won't move on and chances are you will stalk this guy

    • nope! haven't talked to him in over 2 weeks and haven't been to his house in the same.

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    • you got me all wrong!

    • If you asked this then you are jealous. Not caring=not bringing it up.

  • Just let the guy go free , your the one who broke up

    • He makes a point...if you broke up with HIM, why are you so concerned about his dating practices?

    • orig he broke up w/me because he felt like I had more feelings than he had for me.. but he kept sayin he wanted to get dinner in a few weeks to talk.. he kept pushing it off until I finally said if he wants to talk we need to talk because I wasn't dragging it on anymore. that's when I found her stuff at his place already and told him I was not ever going to be with him again. (he was trying to force me to NOT go into the bathroom where our puppys crate was) and that's when I saw her stuff there.

    • He moved on , maybe you should too

  • Move on as jealousy is ugly

    • You are jealous...obviously jealous

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    • i don't know the girl from a bar of soap but I do know what she's going through...end of story...i don't think she's jealous

    • Thank you Bengi.

  • I don't think its any of your business,your broke up so you should move on for your own sake.


What Girls Said 13

  • What could a guy his age have in common with someone that young?

    Probably little if he's at the healthy development phase for his age however that likely doesn't matter to him as in my observations guys pay far more attention to a gal's youth and beauty than what they have in common with her.

    Is it only for booty?

    Likely he mainly wants her for booty however he wants a relationship with her to be more than booty as guys seem to prize and value having a younger partner so they tend to put more effort in the relationship.

    What substance is there?

    Probably little substance though he as guys tend to prefer much younger than gals their own age or gals older than themselves.

    • thank you for your comment. I agree w/your comment!

  • My guy did just the opposite. He's 28, I'm 27 and the woman he dated before me is almost 24. She was a little bytch who cheated and lied and cheated and lied, basically broke his heart. He says now he's happy to be with someone 'on his level' and that losing her was the best thing that ever happened to him. Unless this young lady is really mature for her age, he'll hit it then quit it pretty quick because he'll decide dealing with her bullshyte isn't worth having a cute young thing on his arm.

    • thank you! that's why I feel like this relationship will only last so long once the physical part of it fizzles out. again I don't know this girl, but since she was already showering and leaving her stuff as his place a week or two after we broke up from a 3.5 year relationship, I would say that's pretty slutty haha

  • I'm 20 and In a serious relationship with with a 41 year old man..we fell in love because our compatibility is perfect, and our souls connect on levels much deeper than can be seen by the eye. I can't imagine being with anyone else.

    My life is not in any way restricted by this difference..I am still able to find my own path. I'm happier than I've ever been.

    Your ex might be dating her for arm candy, but there could also be some real substance. If he's happy and there's no harm being done, there's no reason for concern.

    • Thats just gross...he's more than half your age :/

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    • oh get over yourself

      it's not gross. they're both consenting adults

    • How did you two meet lol?

  • Hmmm at 22...even with experience I was not into older guys. I don't know I'm sorry. He probably wanted a 'yes' girl. Ugh.

    • The only thing I can think from HER point of view is that he is an older, good looking guy, has his own place and maybe she thinks its 'cool'. a week after we broke up she already moved her make up bag and shower supplies in!

      if she is smart, she will realize he is a loser and can't actually provide for her in the long run. :P

    • Lol. The bathroom takeover. I've got stuff in my bf's but it was gradual lol. He also wasn't JUST with another girl a week/two weeks before. (More like 2 years) We both have our own place though in our case.

      IMHO, let her find out, she will for sure if he's truly a loser, and seeing that he aimed so low on the age range.

    • thats exactly what I told my ex when I saw it. I think my exact words were ' are you KIDDING ME? what kind of girl is THIS? I didn't even bring my stuff here until at least a yr!' not to mention his shower is DISGUSTING with mildew and mold. part of the reason I didn't shower there - I would go home and reshower lol thanks for your comment :)

  • It all depends. I am only 21, and I've date guys much older than me. The biggest misconception about girls around my age is that we are all crazy party girls and have no "life experience." While this can be true, I don't fit into that stereotype at all. You have to remember that we aren't children, although some still act like them. I have no problem relating to people. I see myself as much more than some "booty."

    However, some guys go for younger girls because they like the idea of someone who is gullible and easily impressed with them. Stupid younger girls sometimes think they are "cooler" for dating an older guy, and the guy likes that. Your ex bragging about being with some "hot new girl" a week after you broke up sounds like he is only going for her as a rebound and as a bragging point. He can tell his friends that his young new girl believes anything he says and will do anything he asks simply because he is older.

    It all depends on the two people involved.

    • i completely agree girls can be mature for their age - infact, I was always one of those girls.

      i also agree with the rest of your post. I feel like the fact that he was with her so soon is an indicator that she IS a rebound. the fact that she was already showering at his place and leaving her personal belongings (make up, razors, shampoo, etc) in his filthy shower gives me the impression this girl is NOT one of those mature girls. nobody does that so soon into a relationship.

    • Yeah, they just seem like they are involved in a fake relationship that makes them both look good or something. It sort of sounds like it is more for show than about actual feelings and commitment. As I am sure you already know, I doubt it will last at all!

  • I'm 21 dating a 26 year old. We have heaps in common, more than I have ever had with anyone my own age, and I have ALWAYS gotten along with people older than myself. Sometimes my maturity surpasses his. You cannot judge saying he just wants young boot because you do not know her. Personally you sound jealous. But on the other hand if she knew he just came out of a relationship, she should know she's a rebound. I think you should forget it and move on, he has.

    • honestly I am not sure what he told her. he couldve been lying to her when he started txting her behind my back. she might not even KNOW he was with someone or should couldve - again, not sure.

  • That doesn't seem like a large age gap. They still have a lot of common interests and are within the same generation. Perhaps 10 years is a larger gap, but still not a big deal. I wouldn't look too far into it, especially as an ex. Let him do what he pleases. As an ex, you should move on and put your interests into other things like interests, hobbies, work, school, etc.

  • Guys mostly date any girl just for their body or sex. It's just more true when it's a significantly younger girl.

  • my ex was 35 and he's dating a 19 or 20 year old...i understand where your coming from... it sux but you learn to laugh it off and find someone worthy to be with u...i have often wondered what he's mentally going through to pick up a girl that age...

    • wow. yeah, that is what I mean - what exactly is their thought process on dating someone much younger besides what the other guys have posted in the comments above. I have a sister who is 22 and even she thinks it's messed up.

    • it's definitely messed up , but in the end it's there life...

    • middle age crisis I think ...or he's desperate to find a girlfriend so he clings on to any girl that gives him attention...

  • 22 or 23 years old is not young to be dating a 29 year old.

    And even if it was it's not your concern,

    sorry but its not illegal or against anyone's will so why do you care?

    I am sure she has some common sense and her own friends to watch out for her

    so if it's not an issue to anyone else I think it's safe for you to let them get it on and have their fun...

  • You never know, some girls are very intelligent at that age. I think you need to move on.

  • Does she look anything like you?

    • honestly I haven't seen her. I would rather not, you know?

  • I am going through exactly the same thing. My 26 year old fiance of 2 years went behind my back and was talking to a 20 year old skeez. She sweet talked him and even left her bf for him. He is not with her. Can't wait to marry her according to him and I asked the same question. What does she give him that I cant? The answer is simple. I was not at fault. He will soon learn this girl wants a couple nights of sex and all his money. After all her mom is chronically ill and she doesn't have a father.