How do you let someone down easy?
So there is this boy who clearly is interested in me. I don't feel the same about him, but he is really nice and sweet I just don't have any feelings for him. He keeps asking to go out and I feel bad just out right saying "no" so I'll say something like "oh, I'll have to check my work schedule and let you know" but then I never let him know. I feel so awful! I don't know how I can say no but not hurt his feelings at the same time. Any advice?! Thanks! (:
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Most Helpful Opinion
What you're doing is leading him on, which is WORSE than being blunt.Let him know that you aren't interested in anymore than friendship.Using that word choice, your intentions are clear, and if he mis-interprets, than it's his fault, not yours. :)
What Guys Said 6
Just tell him you're not interested. It's better if you're blunt.Telling him as early as possible will prevent him from clinging to false hopes and investing money, time, and energy on you.
it's hard to do but being honest and forthright is the best way. It will hurt him a bit but dragging him along will hurt more.For a weird analogy it's kind of like going to the beach in a tropical paradise. If you've never gone and told you can't ever go (telling this guy outright you're not interested) sure it sucks and hurts a bit but you really don't know what you're missing so you can move on. Then again if someone takes you too the beach but forces you to sit in the room and look out the window at which point the person says, you can't go to the beach the pain is even greater because you are clearly aware of what your missingBy dangling the carrot in front of this guy (making excuses that allow him to hope) you're showing him the beach but telling him he can't leave his room. Don't take him to the beach then deny him the pleasure, tell him outright, "you're not going to the beach EVER"of course be sensitive and kind about it though... good luck!
Like prof don said. Girls make this mistake all the time thinking they are actually helping the guy. You would actually be better off saying. "Sorry, I'm not into you, I refuse your date request". We would actually rather hear you say that them some excuse like you are busy or something. That way we can move on. Simply let him know the two of you need to talk. Sit him down and say, "hey, you're a really great guy and I know you like me, which is fine, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm not interested in dating you, so that you don't have to waste anymore of your time pursuing me." Saying this to him would make him really happen, aside from you actually agreeing to go out with him of course. Guys like girls to be straight forward with us about stuff like this. We don't like the guessing games. We especially don't like being lead on for the sake of boosting her own ego or filling the gaps in her schedule which is far too common.
The easiest way to let him off, is by telling him, "Look (his name) I think your a great person, and your sweet and you have a good head on your shoulders, but your not the guy for me" And if he says why, just state your reasoning. Be nice with the reasoning, don't tell him he's ugly or anything like that, just say, you can't find it within yourself to date him. Aka you don't have those feelings towards him like that.Now do also remeber, that this guy likes you alot, and if he is your friend and has been for a while, he might disappear for a little after this, or forever. So its really upto you.Just be very nice, tell him he will find someone amazing who will be able to reciprocate these feelings that he is showing you and more.
I know the dilemma you are in, but the truth is there is no way to both not let him down and turn down his request. However, you can minimize the damage by telling him you are not interests as early as possible so that he won't keep harboring false hope. Try say things like 'maybe next time?', since for a girl maybe means no. If you are fine to hang out with him you can invite him to hang out together with your friends (and make sure your friend turn up so you won't be alone with him).
Put a mattress underneath then push
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