I wrote a couple of MyTakes, last week and I feel some people misunderstood what I was saying. Though, I know it's not necessary for me to defend myself. I'd like to take this time to clear up a few of things about myself and the things that I wrote.
1) My Take titled "What Women Want: From my Perspective"
I feel most people got what I was saying, others did not. Honestly, when I wrote that I was feeling heart broken and it happened the way it always does. I wrote that with the intent of getting all I was feeling down on paper and hopefully letting out all I've been feeling inside. I also figured if I had experienced those things, other women probably have as well. And, by writing it maybe it could help one of those women in someway.
I didn't write it with the intent of being repetitive and I know that I was. I apologize for that. However, every single one of those things is what I experience a lot of the time and it hurts.
I also didn't write it with the intent of making it seem like guys don't go through that same stuff. Though, some people interpreted it that way. I do understand and have no doubt guys experience those same feelings and I apologize if it seemed like I was implying otherwise.
I know people thought I was also implying that men should do all the work but I wasn't. I just know men and women are different when it comes to feelings. So, I thought to avoid any confusion for girls in the future, I would put what I myself would have liked to know from the guys I liked. And, I imagined that other women (the uncomplicated/ non-game playing ones), would as well. I apologize if what I wrote made things seem otherwise.
For the Record: The first guy I was ever really drawn to, worked at the grocery store and without having spoken a word to him. I decided to write him a note and left it at the store for him, because I truly felt he was worth the effort and getting to know. Any guy I liked after that, told me they liked me first and I reciprocated that by saying "I like you too". I also let them know I was just as into them, as there were into me. I made very clear to them how I felt because I wanted them to know they had nothing to fear and wouldn't be rejected. Plus, I don't believe in dating games. I find them to be waste of time that could be better well spent, getting to know each other. However, that still wasn't enough. They changed their minds on how they felt about me more times then you could imagine. Until, they just didn't want me anymore. So, it's not like I don't make an effort, because I do.
What I'd Like People to Understand About me is......
I have never had a relationship before and I don't connect to people easily. When I was in middle school some kids in class helped pair two kids in my class, together. After that they looked at me and said "now we have to find someone for you" and started busting out laughing like those hyena's from the movie the Lion King. They also dared a kid in my class to either kiss me or lick the gym floor, he picked the floor. I know they only did that so they could laugh at me and make me feel bad about myself, which it did. After those and a few other incidences, as I got older I started to feel inferior to men. I didn't feel good enough and I still don't. So, when you combine all of that with me never having had relationship and guys telling me they like me one minute and then they don't the next. It leaves me feeling like "they were right, no one will ever want me. I'll never be good enough or worth it enough for anyone". That is what I was feeling when I wrote that, I was feeling that exact feeling and just wanted to get it out in words and possibly help someone along the way. So maybe, I could prevent someone else from feeling the way I usually end up feeling.
All of those reasons I just gave, are why I wrote that take. I hope that cleared things up in reference to that take. Now, on to the next one.
2) My Take Titled "My Head, My Hair and My Rules !"
Everybody thought I was angry when I wrote that and I wasn't. Everybody thought I wrote that because of another MyTake I saw on there and I didn't. This whole long hair thing has always been something I don't quite understand. I understand a man seeing a woman who just so happens to have long hair and finding HER (in her entirety) attractive. I don't understand a man only be attracted to a woman and wanting her, simply because she has long hair and that's the only reason. To my logical thinking brain, that's hard for me to comprehend. I also don't understand how woman find men doing mundane tasks, to be "hot". But, I'll cover that another time.
The point of me writing that take was to explain that there's a fine line between a preference and a demand. When you demand something from someone, it's another way of trying to control them. That's not a good or healthy relationship. I believe couples are still individuals and have the right to look any way they want and like the things they like without their other half telling them it's not okay because it's not what they like.
People also said " you should do what your signficant other likes, you have to compromise". But, there's a HUGE difference between cooking them a meal they like, that you don't really care for and looking a way you don't necessarily want to look. Just because it's want they want, I don't feel that is right. No relationship should EVER include sacrificing your own happiness and confidence in yourself for the one that's suppose to love you. Relationships are suppose to be about love, acceptence and compromising on the things that matter. What it's not suppose to be is one telling the other to "Jump" and the other saying "How high?" and them acting like they are Adolf Hitler. Relationships aren't suppose to be nazi dictatorships and about compromising on things that are superficial. That to me is not signs of a healthy relationship.
A Couple of Things I'd Like People to Understand About me: First I have never experienced anything like that. My parents have been married for 37yrs and if you think they have ever or would ever give up something they like or look a way the other wants them to look, you're very mistaken about that. My parents don't demand things of each other, they just let the other be themself. Which, is how it's suppose to be. My parents are my greatest example of what relationships and love are all about. Is it perfect? No. Are they perfect? No. But, relationships aren't suppose to be perfect. People in relationships aren't suppose to be perfect. They're suppose to love each other, which my parents really do and never make the person feel like the way they are isn't enough. I never grew up seeing all the things people say relationships are about. So, that's another reason I can't understand it because it's not what I was taught or how I now being older think relationships should be.
Another Thing I'd Like People to Understand About me: I'm not a very confident person. I'm insecure and defensive. I'm distrusting, cynical and just a little jaded. I even hated myself at one point. Being bullied when I was young, did a number on me and here I am a person I don't want to be. I'm fighting hard to get to a place in my life where I'm content with myself and my life. A place where I finally love who I am inside and out, right now I'm not at that place. But, when I do get there I don't ever want to go back to the way I'm feeling now. I promised myself long ago that I will never allow someone to have that much power over me and the way I feel about myself. I will never let someone make me feel like how I look and I am isn't enough, for my own sake and well being I can't and won't allow that to happen again!
That's why when I said if a guy told me to grow my hair long, I would leave him. I wasn't being mean, I'm just being honest. If me having long hair would be more important to him than having a woman who simply just loved him flaws and all, then that's not a man that I want. If he can't love me or be attracted to me the way I am flaws and all, then that's not a man I want. If I have to change myself in order to get him to love me and be attracted to me, then that's not a man that I want. Basically, I don't want a relationship where I end up back in the same depressing place I'm in now. As much as I want to be loved, married and have a baby someday. If I have sacrifice my own self-worth, happiness and confidence in order to get a man to find me attractive and love me than I'd rather stay single. I'm trying so hard to get to a good happy place in my life and see myself in a better light and once I do, I won't let anyone bring me back to that low place again. If someone can't love me for me, then I don't want it. That's all I was trying to say when I said I would leave.
To sum it up I just wanted to express how it's wrong to demand someone you love to change because it's what you like. I just wanted people understand how wrong that is.
I hope I've better explained myself and those takes, if you have any questions for me. Please, feel free to ask me. Thanks :)