Social Anxiety. A Silent Torture!

Social Anxiety. A Silent Torture

Gosh, I dont know how long I have dealt with social anxiety. My parents even told me that I had it when I was a toddler. I didn't like being around people or anything. It is a constant battle the older I get, the more opportunities I have. I am 15 now. I attended public school my first year and it was emotional pain. I will NOT be doing that this year because I honestly refuse. I will be doing home school where there are no classrooms, campuses, teachers. There won't be crowds and crowds in general.

I want to share my story just to get it out and hopefully connect with others who are suffering. Social anxiety can also cause a lot of depression which is also what I have. This is what it is like: Im afraid to eat drink write or even talk in front of anyone, hate large crowds, can not talk to anyone in authority, have a hard time walking past anyone, I don't even like being around my parents at all, I hate being around family, I can not order anything, scared to death to read out loud or to present. I basically have a hard time doing ANYTHING around anyone.

It's a struggle. Sometimes you can never see the symptoms. A person can hide them so well just so they won't be judged by society. You really try to hide it but your anxiety controls you. You just can't get over it. I would sit in my rooms for days and days, lights off, just music. I would only come out for food, bathroom, or to shower. I strangely 100% enjoy being by myself. It's not a crime and yes, I have been judged for it at times by kids......saying that even a five year old can read out loud or ask for food......talk to anyone....walk right up to strangers. It was tough being compared to a small child.

What people don't understand is, anyone at any age, any race, can get anxiety. It affects a lot of people these days because of how judgmental society is. I would also hear that my fears (that were listed earlier) were so irrational and childish. It's a constant torture because it really holds you back in life and it's really hard to overcome. I was forced to do homeschooling because I JUST COULDN'T do public school. Sometimes I don't even want to see friends, and yes I sometimes even get uncomfortable around family. I can say anything without feeling anxious, if it's online or texting.....because I'm not speaking out loud or seeing someone's face.......that's my story....and I could NEVER say any of this out loud to anyone....#socialanxiety


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What Guys Said 14

  • We all have our struggles. I have had my own since birth, it seems. But, the only way to get better is NOT medication, but going through it. God can help you. I would be a total wreck if it was not for Gods help in my life when I was so low I had no hope or help.

    Life is hard. We cannot escape it's difficulty or pain. If we choose to skirt around the issues, they will come back around to haunt us.

    "This is difficult. It hurts!" We must press on, anyway. Strength is necessary in life, not quitting because things are hard.

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  • I can sort of relate, because I'm sort of autistic, anyway I have major problems with those social skills others find obvious and don't even give a second thought. It makes social interactions very taxing.

    I misunderstand others, and they misunderstand me.

    Anyway thanks for sharing and good luck on everything :)

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  • I only get irritated when people say being introvert is a psychiatric illness.

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  • What pisses me off about having social anxiety is you can never get anyone to understand. They think the best solution for social anxiety is to either drag you to some really crowded place where nobody even wants to talk/socialize or to constantly bitch at you about how you don't have a social life. Another thing is when we do get the nerve up to go socialize, where the fuck are we supposed to go? There is literally nowhere to go anymore, movie theaters and arcades and shit all shut down years ago after internet became so popular. There's one comic shop I go to sometimes but it is just a big nerdy sausage fest. :/

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    • Yeah... my jerk of a friend called my behavior "childish" and said to face my problem. It's not THAT easy

    • What they don't realize is we are facing our problem every time we deal with another human being. :/

  • First off you are never alone. I have social anxiety and it varies from mild almost as bad as yours as yours is. I could never get around people I've never wanted to talk to anyone and it was very hard for me to make friends in school especially in high school. I always wanted to be alone and at times I would give extremely depressed because on top of my social anxiety I was just extremely different from everyone else. I felt like no one can relate to me so I chose to separate myself from people. And whenever I got upset I had shutdown and wouldn't talk to anyone, not even my mother. Now at the age of 18 I realize download I have to force myself to be around people not just for the not just for the sake of just talking to people and making new friends but to better myself as a person and realize that this silly fear has to go away or I will continue to hold myself back for the rest of my life. My advice is to seek help talk to people, force yourself to talk to a psychiatrist, a therapist, or just someone who can understand what you're going through. It's tough because you feel like no one understands your pain, but you have to fight it.

    Stay strong, life gets better as you experience new things.

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  • I remember I was the same way and wish I did do home school as there was times when i hated going to school cause of social anxiety.

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  • You have the exact same situation as i do. Im a young n*gga and i was always getting harassed cuz black dudes are supposed to be tough. It was so hard and i refused to do public school too. I did home school for grade 10,11, and 12. I am extremely depressed and i hate myself cuz i want to do so much. I want to be in the music industry so bad but it impossible for me to do anything infront of anyone. I only have 3 friends and I've known all of them since i was 6 or younger. This didn't start until the beginning of grade 7 but it got really bad real quick. Glad to see someone else is like me...

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  • I can definitely relate although I don't think I'm quite as bad. But I definitely struggle with stupid stuff like ordering food, socializing or eating in public more than the normal person. Its not that I can't do it but I feel more anxious than the average person. Ill also second guess myself a lot like if i say something in conversation ill often think "that was fucking stupid, why did I even decide to talk?"
    It must be even worse for you tho, i was able to go to school. It wasn't so bad that i needed to be home-schooled. Just worse than the average person.

    I wish you luck in life

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  • Damn i feel for you cause yours sounds worse than mine and the depression my sa caused me nearly ended my life.

    My advice see a pysch. Its helped my sa heaps so now i can do most things and only feel mildy uncomfortable in some situations. Medication is nasty cause its a back and forth battle changing meds to balance the needs of anxiety vs depression.

    Hope things improve for you
    Happy to discuss with you if you ever need some support ☺

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  • I know them feels exactly.

    My parents told me even as a kid at my own birthday parties I'd go off and be in a room by myself. Wasn't really good with making friends, like... at all. I would have liked to do homeschooling but both my parents worked. Although I did manage to have a few friends at school and some social interactions that, albeit unpleasant, did teach me things. Even though I'm supposedly a literal genius, ultimately I didn't finish high-school for a bunch of reasons that mostly hinged on my anxiety. When I was like 20 I *might* have been able to send an email, but I decided I really wanted to get past this and be normal. So I started figuring this thing out, I used some tools to help get over it and I made a lot of progress, apparently I'm actually something of an interesting guy.

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  • kinda been there

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  • I'm currently recovering from social anxiety and depression. Homeschooling is not legal in Germany, so I was always forced to socialize. That certainly made some of my problems worse because it exposed me to bullying, but all in all, I think it was for the better. It's an anxiety disorder, so the only way to beat it is to face the things you fear the most. You can start slowly so you won't get overwhelmed. Try to get more comfortable around your parents first. You do seem to get along with them, unlike me. Explain to them how they can help you. I'm also here for you. You can message me anytime.

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  • Great take. I myself always wished my parents would have allowed me to be homeschooled, public school was a nightmare. I would suggest looking into therapy, and possibly medication.

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  • Thanks for sharing i know all about anxiety and i just hope someday you can get the help you need i been on many medications in life because of my anxiety but as life went on it got worst to be serious the only medication that has helped mine was Klonopin
    than of course later in life i was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder but life has it's
    challenges and i wish you the best in life to come for you.

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What Girls Said 8

  • I have social anxiety. It's not as severe as yours, but it's there. It was worse during my school years. I hated speaking out loud, doing presentations, asking for anything, you name it. I was also bullied a lot which contributed to it. I'm most comfortable when I'm alone as well tho there are times that I get lonely. You definitely aren't alone in your struggles tho girl. #staystrong

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  • You're still young and it seems like a big deal right now and it most likely will never go away completely but you can definitely over come it.

    The more experience you get, being outside of your comfort zone, will actually help. You also don't have to hide it from anyone or be ashamed of it. I just own up to it and i'm honest about it.

    I've had anxiety, social anxiety, as well as depression for as long as I can remember. I hated going to school because of it as well. But we were so poor as a teenager that I had to get a job, a customer service job, which was like a nightmare for me. I remember being at work, feeling dizzy, light headed, couldn't breathe but sometimes you do have to just suck things up and it did get easier.

    I've felt like I was going to have anxiety attacks before at work. Still even now, even though i've been in customer service for over 10 years, if a room is really crowded, I feel my head racing, I start getting warm all over and really nervous.

    And there are days I don't even want to leave the house to do things but I do it anyway.

    I'm not going to let things like that run my life and i'm sure as fuck not going to cater my life to it or around it, life is too short for that lol

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  • well, I can't blame you.

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  • I don't have social anxiety (although my doctor thought I did at one point because of my extreme lack of socialism and other things) but nothing makes me anymore mad than seeing someone who pretends to have it. Based on your words I think most people can obviously see that you really do have social anxiety. But there's this one girl I know who ALWAYS pretends to have it to get attention. She also claims she has depression (and as a person with depression this pisses me off even more). If she really had those she would not be able to admit it so easily. And she wouldn't want to invite me out places all the time. She's literally more social than me and claims she has social anxiety. A lot of people don't take mental disorders like anxiety and depression seriously. It's not some cute little quirk you can just have, it's an actual disease.
    Anyways very nice myTake and I hope you get better soon :)

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  • i got social anxiety at age 10-11... before this age i was pretty outgoing and had many friends and had no problem speak with people...
    i dont know what happen with me
    and what i really hate about it... it affects all aspects of life-social, private... so i had hard times studing in university and high school, having hard times in private life, my man is extrovert and sometimes i see he is boring with me.
    same with work.
    but the more u cherish it, the worse it become.
    I tried to overcome myself, but its a struggle

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    • Maybe after some traumatic event?

    • nothing traumatic... most people now dont even know i have anxiity, but as i said i try to overcome myself everytime and need a lot of time to be alone and "charge" myself

  • have you tried any therapy at all? it sounds like it's impossible to deal with this all by yourself. I think the homeschooling is fine for now, but don't you want to go to college?

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  • yes yes yes yES

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  • I too have anxiety and depression and relate to you 100%. The only thing that helps me is medication.

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