The Price of Love

Grief is the price we pay for love.
- Queen Elizabeth II

They say that time heals all wounds, but I'm not sure I agree. Because as I write this almost a year since the death of my grandfather that cold dark hand of grief still has my heart in its clutches. It may not make its presence known as much as it did at first but when it does it hits me like a brick to the face. Like death - I believe that grief is eternal.

I think we are all largely aware of our own mortality. That we will not live forever, but while we are aware of it we do not fully understand it until it we come to face to face with it, and someone who we care about passes away. What im saying is that there is a timer attached to each of us,and when that timer hits 0 our time has come to end. I'm not saying it's our destiny. Think of it more as a timer who if it gets bumped too hard the timer jumps closer to 0. Now that i've painted that little picture let me jump into this.

The Price of Love

August 17th 2014 - my Grandfather died. And this has been the hardest year of my life. In 2013 and 2012 I had two other close relatives pass away, but they didn't have the same effect on me as the death of my grandfather did. Not to say that I didn't love the other two but they just didn't affect me in the same way. Because my life has been changed by his passing. I honestly don't have any idea what the fuck im trying to say here so I am just going to write. Grief is horrible because it never goes away. You may forget about it for a time but that doesn't mean its gone. Because grief is the hand that grabs your heart and squeezes when you're with friends and laughing and suddenly all you feel like doing is crying. That's grief.

Grief is that ever present feeling of sadness that just waits to boils to surface when it's good and ready. But I believe that grief serves a purpose while not abundantly apparent and not necessarily true for everyone - grief does help us to have a greater appreciation for things in life. We come to truly understand that death comes for us all, and that our time here in this universe is limited. We see things more vividly, love more passionately, experience everything in new ways. This awakening however comes at a price. Because that grief never truly goes away.

I normally like to end my takes with some sort of take away, but I don't really have one for this. This was more for me to help me cope. And less for all of you. But I would ask that you take a moment and think about the ones you love and care about. Call them up tell them you love them, and if you can give them a hug. Because they won't be here forever, and when they're gone you won't have the chance to tell them all those things you wish you could.

Trust me I have my regrets and the things I wish I could have said.


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What Girls Said 7

  • There is only one way to deal with grief, and that is to get down into the mud and muddled your way through it the best way you can. You will come out of it as a stronger, and more 'aware' person. My mother died 2 years ago, and there is still times when grief overtakes me. ( but it is less frequent, and not so emotionally straining). It really does get better with time. Just keep reminding yourself that your loved one wouldn't want you to be grieving all the time, but rather enjoying your life to the fullest while you are here.

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  • I kissed my sister

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  • I lost my pop pop when I was 12 and the grief was unbearable. I mainly cried for the time I never spent with him and for my dad who loved him more than anything. Death is terrible and scary. We need to let our loved ones know what they mean to us while they are around.

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  • I completely understand this. My grandmother raised me, I was closer to her than anyone and she passed away a few years ago, I still think about her at least 20 times a day it seems like. Sometimes I even go to the store and grab two drinks by mistake, thinking that i'm going to bring one home to her lol

    I have regrets too, I wish I could have did more things with her or brought her to more places before she passed away or said more things, I spent everyday with her for years and I still feel like there was so much more I could have said and did, I think that's a normal feeling honestly. And I wish others would take advantage of what they have with the people they love.

    My grandmother was the kind of person that never let anything get her down, she lost brothers/sisters, her parents died and her husband died when she was in her 20s. If she can live through losing all of those people and still be so amazing then anyone can. Even when she was sick and stuck in bed for months before she passed away, she was still her same, inspirational, hilarious and loving self through it all.

    If anything death should teach everyone not to care so much about the petty things in life and to just enjoy it with the people you love.

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  • I know very well that my 80 something grandmother will go soon, and my grandfather (mum's side) is not far off. They have not spoken to me ever, and I will have some regrets.
    Everyone deals with grief everyday, and what they can do is to focus on the positives and remember the good times.

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  • Thank you for sharing this with us. I am not familiarised with grief yet. I just hope that when the time comes I will know how to keep on living with the pain.

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  • It's going to be a rough day man. I'm sorry you're going through this you know I can relate. Just try your hardest to be the man your grandpa would have liked to see you grow into.

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What Guys Said 4

  • I, too have lost someone who I had loved dearly and would have married her. Time heals all wounds was something told to me as well & like yourself it did not, in fact the fallout of such a intense intimacy & chemistry robbed me of 3yrs of my fucking life. A lot of things in all aspects of my life went to complete & utter fucking shit. I was on the verge of making a very cataclysmic decision that would irrevocably alter my life, if I hadn't called a friend to tell her what I was going to do & no it was not suicide. You need someone to talk to, I went to counselling & continue to do so to this day. The grief & loss for me will NEVER go away, but by acknowledging it, using it as a source of strength & determination rather than an anchor that would drag you to a place you do not want to be. I feel like I've rambled on a bit too much, if you want to pm me it's all good homie. I've been where you are, many just won't understand.

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    • I feel you, was in the same situation :/ the pain never really goes away, its always there either in the background or in the tears that stream down your face from time to time when you are forced to think about it. If you really loved someone and you would have given anything for them to make the happy and to be yours yet you still lost them, it never goes away... maybe it does once you find someone as good or better than what you lost.

    • @love2run13 - Yeah I feel you. Small things before that I would never of thought twice about now listening to certain songs, watching movies, certain conversations just cut too fucking deep even after 3yrs. The pain and sadness have definitely gone but never really vanished. I've learned to distinguish the feelings of my exgf to the current girl I am interested in because it's quite not fair to have this looming feeling that she will never ever be like my exgf but even then this new girl is soooo much more than my exgf in soooo many other ways. I feel blessed to have met her because now I can truly say that I don't hold back feelings, emotions nor things I want to say.

    • I'm really happy you found another girl though-i think this is a huge step in recovery. bless 🙌

  • I read that take when you first mentioned that loss :(
    Usually, all of my friends recovered from their loss but after reading this, I think they might be just pretending :/

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  • I lost my father when i was 18, he and I were very close and I wish he could have lived past 58, he died a slow suffering type death however he never once lost his resolve, when his time came he looked at what he accomplished and held to his belief that a man should face his death with honor, we are a very military family. Since he passed a lot has happened, I lost my hair to clinical exhaustion its permanent and I've been called gross by plenty of attractive young women, I have watched my mother break down and I am the only child, however the way my father faced his death and the strength a man can muster has shown me that we could all die anyday anytime and has freed me from a lot of anxieties, I started skydiving last year and am going for a license on it next year, I'm much more bold in what I go to achieve in life and I do believe in the afterlife and that Jesus died for you and me, however grief is still of course there belief or not, don't think that, but like anything in life you have to move on, if we all stayed saddened by those who pass then nothing will ever be accomplished in our current lives. I am sorry for your loss, and I've experienced both grandfathers and like I said my own father so I do fully understand your pain and where you are coming from, hell I'm only 20 now even, but in time you need to force yourself to get beyond it, its what the family would want and its what a strong man must do, the pain will always be there when you look for it, but you can't let it crush you, if I can do it with no family left but a mother who is suffering herself, and as a loner bald guy at 20 who's mocked, you can too alone or with support from others, and I do mean this all to help, excuse the straightforwardness

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  • Over time you learn to make a part of you that is heartless and soul-less and that is how you deal with such things. If you let it affect you as you do now, your life will never be the same nor will it progress in any positive manner. Belive me, I walked down the hard road.

    Being in the military, I have both taken and had the lifes of My Friends... My Brothers' taken, so I am not new to pain and grief, for the latter more so. The fucks I put 6 foot under I did for a reason. I'm not here for anyone to feel sorry for me, things are as they are, just don't go and waste time, like I did, feeling self pity and drowning in the grief. Relive the memories, don't mourn the loss.

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    • "Relive the memories, don't mourn the loss." Well put.

    • I'm glad you think so, it was once told to me by a much wiser man, I hope it helps you as it did me

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