Grief is the price we pay for love.
- Queen Elizabeth II
They say that time heals all wounds, but I'm not sure I agree. Because as I write this almost a year since the death of my grandfather that cold dark hand of grief still has my heart in its clutches. It may not make its presence known as much as it did at first but when it does it hits me like a brick to the face. Like death - I believe that grief is eternal.
I think we are all largely aware of our own mortality. That we will not live forever, but while we are aware of it we do not fully understand it until it we come to face to face with it, and someone who we care about passes away. What im saying is that there is a timer attached to each of us,and when that timer hits 0 our time has come to end. I'm not saying it's our destiny. Think of it more as a timer who if it gets bumped too hard the timer jumps closer to 0. Now that i've painted that little picture let me jump into this.
August 17th 2014 - my Grandfather died. And this has been the hardest year of my life. In 2013 and 2012 I had two other close relatives pass away, but they didn't have the same effect on me as the death of my grandfather did. Not to say that I didn't love the other two but they just didn't affect me in the same way. Because my life has been changed by his passing. I honestly don't have any idea what the fuck im trying to say here so I am just going to write. Grief is horrible because it never goes away. You may forget about it for a time but that doesn't mean its gone. Because grief is the hand that grabs your heart and squeezes when you're with friends and laughing and suddenly all you feel like doing is crying. That's grief.
Grief is that ever present feeling of sadness that just waits to boils to surface when it's good and ready. But I believe that grief serves a purpose while not abundantly apparent and not necessarily true for everyone - grief does help us to have a greater appreciation for things in life. We come to truly understand that death comes for us all, and that our time here in this universe is limited. We see things more vividly, love more passionately, experience everything in new ways. This awakening however comes at a price. Because that grief never truly goes away.
I normally like to end my takes with some sort of take away, but I don't really have one for this. This was more for me to help me cope. And less for all of you. But I would ask that you take a moment and think about the ones you love and care about. Call them up tell them you love them, and if you can give them a hug. Because they won't be here forever, and when they're gone you won't have the chance to tell them all those things you wish you could.
Trust me I have my regrets and the things I wish I could have said.