Don't place the label of "spoiled brat" to an only child

[Starfishlover]

This myTake may or may not sound a little antagonistic. But I am just writing this because I am so frustrated at the spoiled nature of today's society. My objective is to perhaps get people's point of view on this subject and maybe challenge me on my ideals. Though I might be feiry, I do like to learn new angles on subjects.

Before I commence, I would like to share that I am an only child. I grew up in a family that was not well off. I did not go to a good, reputable school coming here and hence, I couldn't afford the luxury of obtaining tutoring. But it was ok, I studied hard and got into a good university and did a degree in Social Science majoring in Psyhology. I also worked hard throughout my university years to support my family as my dad was a low income earner and my mother had 2 chronic diseases which rendered her unable to work.

I finished university and I could not get into a job in my field. No one would give me a chance and understandably, wanted someone with experience. I did not have time to wait for that "perfect job". I had to work and support my family immediately. So I got into my first job as a case manager and just a few months ago, I quit to start a new job in medical admin. Unfortunately that job was retrenched and I received the bad news 3 days ago. So now I am unemployed and you might understand that I am a little angry right now. To make matters worse, anytime some moron asks me about my birth order and I tell them that I am an only child, they immediately think I am spoiled. EXCUSE ME!

Spoiled brats No1: Drug addicts

Now, here is the source of my anger.

I was watching a news story on 60 minutes about ice addicts. I was watching their disgusting behaviour under the influence and trying to find a good reason as to why they tried ice in the first place.

Now to anyone that know me on here, you would know that I abhor drug addicts. I abhor anyone who use a crutch to get through life. I do not understand weakness.

I was watching the news story with a sneer on my face with utter disgust at how anyone can be so goddamn selfish. Their families had to scrape every red cent that they had, put their houses up on a second mortgage and waste their superannuation on their ice addicted children for rehab. Because it isn't enough that their families had to put up with their lying and stealing in the first place. I was listening to their stories and they had loving families, a great job, nice cars, partners, the works. Boo hoo that you went through a traumatic event in your earlier life. Really, I feel for you. But have the strength to move on. Look at the Christian Iraqi's escaping prosecution, and look at their lives. By the way, one thing that really made me laugh was when a mother told her ice addicted daughter how strong she was. Oh Lord.

Spoiled brats No2: Partners who abuse their partners

I would kill to be in a relationship, and they just walk all over their partners? I don't think I need to say more on this subject.

Spoled brats No3: People who cheat

Again, need I say more?

Spoiled brats No4: People who don't appreciate what they have and complain about their lives

Seriously? If you lived my life, you would say that I have the scraps of everything. But I make it work and I live my life with pride and try so hard to be better. I don't get up out of bed and complain why I have to work.

Yes, we are raising a society full of...

Pu$$ies who don't know how to deal with stress without a crutch, or taking it out on others.

So before you label a poor, only chlid with this derogatory term, look at who the real spoiled brats are. Unless of course, that only child does that shit too.

God, writing this made me mad.

[SaintRichie23]

Kind of an uncomfortable article. Instead of explaining why only children shouldn't be labelled as spoiled, you point your finger at other issues, exclaiming there is worse out there. Pretty toxic way to handle the situation. From the outside looking in, its easy to see every morally bad situation as a cut and dry, black and white situation. Most of everything is grey area, though.

I did not learn anything really on why only children shouldn't be labelled as spoiled based on what they deal with (although I don't think they're spoiled to begin with). I just now know that you are quick to judge other peoples' lives off a few minutes or lines of explanation - something that is ironically done to you when people assume you're spoiled.

[Poppykate]

Are you sure you want to work in psychology? You are going to have to deal with these 'spoiled brats' daily, and you will need to do so with sincerity and compassion. You wil be dealing with drug addicts, relationship issues (including infidelity), domestic violence victims and perpetrators, and people with depression. (A person with depression shouldn't hear 'stop complaining about your life because MY problems are worse'. I think that the hirers were right. You do need experience- life experience!.

[Starfishlover]

Nooo- I don't want to work in psychology. I don't have patience for these brats. No, I am after something more lucrative.

[Johnyk]

A few things if that's helpful to find a job. (I had gone through similar situation). Anyway, I could do only a small part of what I'm telling below, it was tough for me too.

1) Priorities -- Concentrate on 'big dollars' and forget about 'small dollars'. So, if in any case you can put more of your time and effort on getting a proper full time job, then do it (try for a financial help from any relatives or friends or bank for the time being, and needn't do a low paying job if that will take up most of your time -- just do it to the bare minimum). Or try for internships that will "add relevant experience" while same time, would help meet your expenses (and for the time being, just cut down on the unnecessary expenses while being not too harsh on yourselves)
2) Take it as a game and reward yourselves for small small improvements. Don't expect anyone to give you a job, but rather tell in your mind "I'm not desperate for this job and I don't care whether you offer me or not. I just want to improve day by day, my skills by attending more interviews. I simply don't care about whatever that's not under my control". So, those who don't give you a job -- thank them for making you tougher and chill.
3) Concentrate more on your strengths and less on your weaknesses. It's good to improve weaknesses, but, it simply takes lot more effort compared to improving your strengths. Just assess how much that's really worth the effort and how much it's not.
4) Let others think whatever they want about you (as long as it doesn't affect your goals). Those who trouble you -- take them like a mosquito that bites when you are hanging off a cliff with your hands. Try to ignore.
5) Don't compare yourselves with others to the point of being harsh on yourselves. Each of us has a different life to live.
6) Whatever that happens is for your good. Be thankful for your failures. Probably, that ultimately results in greater achievements in future. And whatever, it prepares everyone to face the final inevitable challenge -- death.
7) Don't go for 100% perfect. Go for 90-95% because the rest 5% or so will demand from you a lot more of effort than the other 95% and it's simply not worth it. Never expect the world to be perfect either. Imperfections, "mistakes" and "wrongs" are the beauty of the world.
8) Know your worth but live with what you have. Concentrate more on improving your worth so that you (seller) can demand a higher price from your the buyers (employers)

[Johnyk]

Oh LOL. Point no. 8 became a smilie

[BaileyisDarcy]

I do have a habit of calling sibling free people spoiled as that is my experience of the poor lonely loners.
One is a friend of mine who has what I like to call 'only child syndrome' or 'OCS'. This is shown in her inability to know or care who freaking annoying some of the shit she does is. Like taking my laptop off me to see what I'm doing but threatening to slap me if I even think of doing the same back. Or pretending I'm a ghost then getting offended when I finally snap and yell at her for it. Because that did hurt.
Or when she took her frustrations at another friend out on me and told me my opinion had a death toll. Get fucked bitch.
She's a good friend. Just that friend with a superiority complex and lacking some of the empathy and patience that people with siblings have.

But keeping that in mind, most of the spoiled people I know?
The youngest.

Not an only child. The youngest of two or more.
With an only child they are generally the first child the parents have had and so is treated like a china doll. They will watch it like Hawks so it won't hurt itself. It won't be scolded too harshly for fear of it crying but it won't be rewarded too heavily in fear of spooling it. Generally an only child is also the only grandchild, and the grandparents usually don't care if they're spoiling. Let the gifts rain down!
With a youngest child. They get more clothes, toys, things than any of their siblings ever had. This being due to the wonders of hand-me-downs and the parents being so fucking sick of sooking kids that they just say yes to everything. Yes you can have a cookie. Yes you can have a teddy. Yes you can have a gunnnnNoo wait!
There is a downside to being the youngest. And that is due on point to those who came before you. The fucking siblings. The older brother who will want to wrestle. The older sister who thinks you're a nuisance. The other older sibling who is sometimes on your side but blames you whenever he gets in trouble. Not that anyone believes him because you're 'too young to lie' (because yes. That is apparently a thing according to my stepmother)

So the two spoiled breeds.
Only child who thinks they own the place.
The youngest who got everything but thinks they got nothing.

Of course this doesn't apply to every only and every youngest. Just some

(I am a middle child. Just clarifying)

[KDA20]

Good for you - A rant is good for the soul, it is like a pressure cooker releasing steam. Your introduction, it was interesting to find out more about your life and achievements. I for one try not to judge anyone till I know all about them and their background/circumstances.
(1) I agree totally millions come through hardship but do they all turn to drink and drugs. What praise do the 99% silent majority get for not succumbing to the draw of addictive substances.
(2) Brilliant sentence "I would kill to be in a relationship, and they just walk all over their partners?" - It is how a lot of us feel.
(3) Cheaters - Seen it happen and the devastating effect on friends' relationship.
(4) Goes back to your introduction you have dragged yourself by the bootstraps so far in life ( and you should be proud ) and you have to watch others expect things to be handed to them on a plate.
I am in total agreement with the whole of your take but here is where we are a little different these things all have the capability to drive me mad but I say to myself is me getting worked up going to change anybody elses' attitude, I want to concentrate on making myself a better person which makes me more positive and a good influence on those around me. When you bang your fist on a wall in frustration, the only thing that gets hurt is your hand, the wall stays standing.

[ObscuredBeyond]

"I do not understand weakness."

That is a weakness, in and of itself. A lack of empathy. The danger of drugs is that whenever you give in, it hijacks the reward center of your brain. In so doing, it steals your identity. It owns you. When you lose the concept of self-ownership, winning it back is always an uphill battle. And whatever vice has taken control, it demands your service at any expense.

Not everyone has the iron will to defy these demands, especially when they believe giving in is better than the seemingly unlimited suffering that they are convinced they will face if they don't give in. Drugs are a pathway to Hell, and the Devil casts a big shadow.

I can totally understand how and why heroin destroyed my one ex. (The breakup had nothing to do with drugs, it was years before that.) What I couldn't fathom is her pride. She knew she had a problem, but was too proud to reach out for help. She knew that even though her family had written her off, and made jokes at her expense, I would have protected her. Even against my own instincts for self-preservation. If she couldn't fight alone, I'd intervene. I'd burn the paraphernalia in a bonfire. I'd drive her to rehab, and make sure she stayed. I'd comfort her when she needed comfort, so she wouldn't need the drugs.

But she was too proud to want a hero. So she hit the self-destruct button. Everyone's soul is broken and lame, so everyone needs some sort of crutch. Even you. You've made your self-assurance your crutch. But in the end, that will betray and destroy you too.

[Starfishlover]

Sorry, I really can't find anything within me to empathise. I will now walk away before I call your ex a bad word.

[ObscuredBeyond]

You are using your own pride to hide yourself from the pain that you fear comes from reaching out to another. Running away from imaginary pain will only rob you of the ability to love, or ever feel loved.

[Hannah591]

I have no empathy either. (y)

[ObscuredBeyond]

@Hannah591: At least you're honest.

[DarkHumorRUs]

I have a problem with the last one--I have survived, I haven't lived below middle class, but I think I've lived near the bottom of the middle class. And it feels rough to me when everyone around me is much better off. They have better cars, they've traveled outside of the US a lot, they have $10,000 in their bank account cause their parents just put it in there and they never worked, their parents aren't living in an apartment, etc.

All I have is my experience though, so it's not my fault I feel badly about my situation sometimes. You don't have to empathize or sympathize with me, but I can still feel down in the dumps about my life, even though I'm probably better off than a third of the world. It's all relative.

[LuckyLittleLucy]

Hmmm... I get that single children aren't spoiled brats- some totally are, but there are a lot the definitely aren't.
However, you said yourself you don't understand weakness, and actually it's hard to avoid crutches in life. You're a strong-willed person, others are weak with addictive personalities- it's much harder to avoid for some people than you'd think. Even though I agree, it's not fair that there are people who moan about their lives- but we don't know what goes on behind closed doors.
Also, people who are addicts, I see what you mean with some, however, some- as you say- use this as a coping method. I'm not sure, but I've know people who could so easily become like that because of their struggles... But they don't- so maybe it is selfish.
Good take! But I don't agree with all of it... which is always the way I guess! :)

[ambertaylor]

I'm an only child and people think I had a spoilt and privileged upbringing when the truth is, I had a horribly intense and pressurised childhood and adolescence because I was my parents only focus and they pushed me too hard and overdosed me with unwanted attention. I wasn't supported nor did I, or do I have lots of money. I'm a financial mess and so were my parents. I hate the 'only child' label and the instant judgement you receive when that info is divulged.

[kartoos]

Well, I've been one of those people who judge the other by the way the society thinks of them. But then there are days when I ponder that people can actually make you go crazy. Like you don't find people nowadays who will not judge you or think of you as what others have to say. But its interesting how I've changed so much in life and how I'm starting not to judge others but getting to know them better. This not only helps me become a better person but how its positively building my relationship with others. And a major chuck of this change comes from when I can read and understand certain parts of Quran and it has really made me a better person. My point is people will still stereotype but you just got to have patience and keep finding the right ones around you because not everyone is a friend you know.

[Anonymous]

From the outside looking in it's always easy to judge other people situations.
You may not understand it, but I feel there is a reason why people do the things they do.
There is no justification for it.
But there's a reason.
Not every one is psychologically the same or handles manners the way in which you would.
Because of that, you shouldn't feel the need to look down on those that can't deal with struggles in their every day life.

[meatballs21]

This is about only children in title only, and more of a general pissed off rant because of your unfortunate situation with which I commiserate: I've known people who lost their jobs in similar circumstances and it really pulled the rug out from under them.

I was hoping for more for those of us who are misunderstood simply because we didn't grow up with siblings. Oh well. Best wishes.

[Starfishlover]

This take is to show people that only children aren't the only brats in life. Besides, I am getting interviews and getting back on my feet. I don't waste time by pissing and moaning about my situation. I use my anger to drive me. :)

[meatballs21]

Did you get a settlement of any kind? Because if you get back on your feet super fast, that basically turns into bonus cash!

[GirlScout]

I have ZERO idea what your rant was about, other than you let someone get to you because they assumed something which apparently isn't true. To be honest, I don't give a fuck if you get upset, why should we? You show no compassion towards other people with problems and yours is so inconsequential that I'm perplexed as to why you even bothered writing this.

This could have been summed up like this:

Dude said I was a brat, I'm not. People with problems I don't understand are weak.

[BelleGirl21]

Couldn't have said it better!

[MysteriousFlower]

Well yes- it's not the individual fault if they are the only child. I am the oldest and my brother is basically the only child. I intend of having one mini-me in my lifetime but the only child can still have cousins and friends and ultimately every 'man' for himself. Meaning everyone (besides Upper East siders) needs to work hard to achieve goals in their life.

[Anonymous]

I never heard of an only child being labeled a spoiled brat before. I have sisters but I grew up spoiled and in a way I still am spoiled. My friend is an only child and she is the most disciplined mature woman I know and she has a kid and she's married and she's a great mom

[9mfeo]

Hey, man, I agree with you. I worked far harder than my ex who had two sisters. Things came to him on a silver platter because he grew up with money (he says he didn't, but his mother never had to work 6 jobs at a time like mine did, so...).

[Cjanes]

Exaggeration but I get your point

[9mfeo]

@Cjanes Actually, no. My mother has always worked around 6 part-time jobs. She still does.

[Cjanes]

Define part time

[9mfeo]

@Cjanes the legal definition of a part-time job is one that gives you under 40 hours a week. My mother works 6 days a week at various jobs probably totalling over 40 hours. She teaches at a university as a clinical instructor, works in private practice two days a week as a dental hygienist, sells infection control products to dental offices, teaches exercise classes 1-2 mornings a week, is a clinical educator for Colgate and sells beauty products on the side. Oh, look at that. 6 jobs.

[Cjanes]

Ahh okay I always assumed parttime was 20-30 hours a week. So that would of been 120 hours I was thinking and there is only 168 hours a week

[whateveriwant]

I'm an only child too and people always tell me that I'm spoiled and I always get what I want but I don't. If I want something then I have to work for it. People always think single children are the ones that cause the most trouble and get everything handed to them. But that's not true for all of them and people need to realize that.

[stubbsy]

you should think about freezing some of your eggs, (no disrespect intended) as I feel that the gene you carry could help the world if shared. Great take, I really enjoyed reading, x

[falafelany1]

I am an only child as well. I am not "spoiled" but I tend to get what I want because what I want is not expensive or luxurious. I get quality time and I get plenty of love and support.

[GreatnessPersonified]

I don't get the point. I read your backstory and your points, but I'm not seeing what it has to do with only children being spoiled.

Other than that, it's a good take.
I'm an only child, who had to work and go to college, with a dead mother and a too-far-away-to-be-a-father father.
I see where you are coming from.

"Some say I have a chip on my shoulder, that's not true. I have a whole bag of Lays."

[indie_rock_chick]

I am an only child and I hate it when people think that makes me spoiled, I am not spoiled at all and I have met a lot of people that are not only child's but spoiled to the bone. This is just another stereotype

[Hannah591]

I think some people say it out of jealousy because you do get your parents undivided attention and you don't have a dick head sibling that ruins your upbringing. I hope you enjoyed your rant, aha. I feel like doing one but with nothing to rant about.