Warning: Sensitive subject.
Disclaimer: I am not an expert and do not claim to be. I use my personal experiences in myTakes.
I know many people, men and women alike, have dealt with loss in some way. Whether it was a relative, a friend, or pet. However, nothing is as painful like losing a child. It is gut wrenching, mentally destroying and emotionally draining.
A large percentage of women, I read, can be healthy and have a higher chance of miscarrying. This usually happens within the first 5 months of the pregnancy. It usually is due to weight, stress, eggs not being implanted right, and more. Some ways considered not likely to cause a miscarriage are exercise, working outside the house or other such rumors one may hear.
There are many arguments one can make over what causes miscarriages and there are some who can say it doesn't affect men the same as it does the mothers who were expecting and then lost the child.
Not true. Before I married my husband, it was about 6 months of dating, I told him I was scared of having another child because of losing my first child. I know in my other myTake I had written about it, but I am going to write more on it here because it relates.
My ex was on drugs, came home, was mad about something, I fought with him, was elbowed and pushed down stairs. That's just the start. I was rushed to the hospital and was treated for a strain in my hip, a major contusion to the left side of my abdomin and a concussion.
I was taken for x-rays to find out if I had any breaks or fractures. They found blood in my cervix. I was roughly four/five months along and I had had no idea. When I was able to remain awake and alert for a bit, they came in and told me. The doctor said there was a tear in the outer labia from my jeans pinching and that the baby had no heart beat. There was no chance of resuccitating my baby. I was informed I would need to deliver my baby, even though dead.
They kept me overnight due to the concussion and had given me a pill to take to induce the labor. Two days later, still in the hospital, they brought me to a private suite away from the labor suite. I was able to relax as the pain wouldn't be there. After the doctor and nurses were done routing around in my lower region, there came my daughter. A small, little thing. My baby girl who would never know the wonders this world had to offer.
They placed her in a blanket cushioned basket. She was covered with a small sheet and I was left staring out the large window to the sky. I wept all night. Into the next morning, as well. My ex's uncle told me he had taken care of all medical expenses as well as funeral costs and such. I only shook my head as I couldn't belived I was blessed with a miracle, yet it was ripped from me.
I was lucky, though. I was in a bad place, with my ex being abusive and dealing with depression and such. I was lucky that I didn't have to worry about raising someone else when I could barely deal with myself and I was only 14. I grieved so hard, it lead to my breaking point. It lead to attempted suicide. The only bad thing is I succeeded. I was declared dead for 27 minutes before I was revived.
I realized I had other chances. I could one day try again to have a child. It wasn't the end. I survived suicide. I was given another chance. I grieved a bit more, then ... my strength came back. I took back my life. I left my ex, I got clean, went through high school, graduated. I met the love of my life and we married. Now one day, I can try again to have another child. If so, I will be happy.
I told my husband all of this and he broke down into tears. He endured a miscarriage with an ex of his and his son was only 7 months in the womb. He went through some bad motions. I dealt with the backlash when we dated and now we are able to talk about it and get through it all when grief hits and depression rears its ugly head.
I had a different way of dealing with it and my husband had his way. He eventually attempted suicide as well, but was hit with the fact he could still live and better his life. So we are both grieving our lost children to this day, but we know we were blessed by God with a second chance at life and can make our family.
Today, we are both doing well and are content, although longing for that sensation of being happy again. It hurts men and women all the same when losing a child. Just be there to comfort each other and don't succumb to depression. Just know, God has a better plan. It isn't the time. He wants you to better your life and be a better person before you bring a life into this world without a single clue to do it. Sometimes, you just have issues as to why you can't have kids. Either way, it hurts, but you can get through it. I did and changed my life around. I am so much better and I hope that this reaches many and gives so many people, who were in a situation where they lost a child, a notion that someone knows exactly how it feels. I hope this really does make someone feel better.
It's not the end, and you are stronger than you think. I have faith.