Have you ever cut yourself? To relieve emotional pain through physical pain?
Emotional pain from being abused for years. By several men. By men who call themselves "men" but have no idea how to treat women other than sexually harrassing them, raping them, man-handling them and forcing them into sex even if they tell them they are not ready.
Have you ever wanted to fight back but coulndn't because you're too weak?
Have you ever wanted to scream and tell everyone what happened but couldn't because you blamed yourself for what happened?
Or because no one would believe you? No one would care to help?
Ever felt like a slut for what those "men" did to you?
Ever felt like there is not one man in the whole world who actually understands and ready to offer a shoulder to cry on?
Have you ever sucked it all up and tried to look "strong" and live through emotional pain for years?
Shedding silent tears when everyone was asleep, cutting yourself, burning yourself until it gets someone's attention and "only then" you are asked what you have been through? And you chose to shrug it off by telling lies.
Have you ever stopped telling lies to "yourself"? If you have, then you are FREE.
Today I finally stopped telling a thousand lies to myself. I had always been a weak woman(emotionally/mentally). I'm not afraid to admit it nor I try to hide it. But I am NO MORE like that. I'm strong and capable of protecting myself from being abused. Because what other people do to me is NOT my fault. Other people have no right to make me hate myself. They have no right to be the cause of several un-hidible bruises on my body.
Now it's time to show the world my cuts and bruises. Because they are my past and I embrace them. I am not shameful for trying to fix (in my own way) what other people made me suffer, HOWEVER I am no longer trying to fix it the wrong way. I've been clean for a month. (I have not been cutting for a month and hope not to do so.) And today...is the day I built up my courage to stand my ground against an abusive boyfriend.
And to everyone feeling the same out there whether you're a girl or a guy, I encourage you to "say" something. Tell people. Scream! Shout! Stand out for yourself!
March 5, 2016. The day I finally felt free.