Okay this is the final part explaing what it's like to have both adhd and autism.I've had fun writting these takes.Though this is the most work I've ever ended up putting into a mytake.This whole thing took like 24hours to finish both parts.Both taking like 4-5 hours to write.I'm not even kidding it seriously took me that long basically.Also to make sure people can find the links easily.I'll post part 3 here.Which it has part 1 and 2 on it.So it makes finding them easier.I'm happy I finally remembered that this time too. ^^
combination of adhd autism (part 3)
Now to get started on the rest of the mytake. :)
-Resists change in the environment (people, places, objects)
Once something messes up my morning rutine.I can not do what I was planning to do.Since everything has just been thrown off.I can't get that time back so I don't have time to do what I wanted.I get pretty annoyed when people constantly fuck it up and I end up not able to finish the routine by the time I always finish it.So then I'm not mentally prepared to do the other thing.it seriously drives me insane!I can not do things in a different way.Not matter how much I try I just can't.It bugs the living crap out of me.So then I just crack and go back to fixing it the way I always do.Along with I can't stand strange people staying here when I don't know them.Then if I'm in a strange place I'm going to be paranoid majoiryt of the time.
-Clumsiness, abnormal posture, or odd ways of moving
I'm actually just the clumsyness part.Which ends up with me hurting myself physically.I'm ALWAYS dropping stuff in the most weirdest ways.As if things just randomly fly out of my hands even when I don't move them.It's crazy man! I also end up wacking my hands into things constantly,raming my hips into stuff since I didn't notice how close I was to it,etc. I would have this song playing for all the times I'm clumsy.Which this song would be playing for an extremely long ass time.
-Perfectionism in certain areas
I can not pass certain levels in games,finish singing,dance,et if I make any kind of mistake.I'm working on forcing myself to over ride this.Though so far I haven't been able to overcome it yet.Since knowing I made a mistakes distracts me due to adhd as well.So I can't live with it at all.I have to start over until I do it perfectly.Other wise I can't stand to finish it.This tends to drive my boyfriend insane since he rather me mess up and keep going than to mess up and start over.
-Frustration is expressed in unusual ways.
This is when my frustration becomes extremely weird.Since I have no idea what I'm doing when it happens.Normally how I express fustration is I mumble bitch about what is frustrating me.Yet I'm still going at what I'm doing until I finally beat it.I feel like I have to get revenge at the object that is causing me to fail and be frustrated.So then once I beat it.Then it's like my justice and making it pay for causing it.
-Feels the need to fix or rearrange things
Oh god I can't stand it when people miss place things in such a horrible order.So when I see my family put all the dishes up in such an unorganized way.This overrides my lazy adhdness.Then I end up taking every dish in the whole cabnet out and organize it to perfection.Same with if I'm trying to actually organize something.I end up not being able to move on from 1 object.To me it looks perfect how it looks yet I still need to fix it even more.Same with when I was a kid and was waiting in waiting rooms to see doctors.I would rearange the entire waiting room.
-Causes injury to self (biting, banging head)
Sadly I actually have done this in the past.Either I would claw my face or wrist to hell.Punched something so hard I end up fucking both my pinky knuckles up.(Yes I know that sounds funny :P) then lastly start hitting my head with my own hands as hard as I possibly can.That or hitting my head on a desk as hard as I can.Sadly the desk part happened about 2 months ago.I don't even remember what I was upset about.Still i couldn't deal with the emotions I was feeling.
-May notice and/or be distracted by background noises that others don’t seem to hear
I'm pretty sure this is also something my adhd does as well.So meaning I have 2 disorders causing me to be distracted by some kind of sound.So it's a double whamy and I won't be able to focus on anything at all.Even if I use all the will power I have I can't seem to win no matter how hard I try.I end up not able to focus on what I'm wanting to do and end up forced to hear what ever i'm hearing until it stops.So if someone is having a personal argument on a cell phone and I hear it.Even if it's none of my buisness.I can't seem to shut my ears off from hearing what they are saying.So I'm forced to hear the whole conversation.Which pisses me off because I don't give a damn about what they are talking about I just want to focus on what I'm doing.It's just a constant war with my brain to ignore but I lose everytime.
-Seems fearful of crowds or avoids standing in close proximity to others
Everybody say it with me!DON'T TOUCH ME!DON'T TOUCH ME!DON'T TOUCH ME!So while I'm in a crowd I will avoid every since person in that building.I will go to great lengths to make sure there isn't any accidental touching.Plus I had being in crowds because I start to feel overwhelmed and lost.Though I'm short so that adds to it.
-Being in public freaks them out
This is the reason why I can't stand to be in public places for to long.After a point I become dizzy,disoriented,and irritated.All the stimuli due to every sight,sound,person,movement,etc.It all starts to really get to me.Which can trigger a panic attack sometimes.Another reason why I avoid doing to many public things often.Since I can't handle it after around 3 hours of being exposed.If I'm sleepy then I can only handle maybe 1 hour at most.I become a really nasty person if who I'm with doesn't let me leave soon.Since for me I will punish them if they force me to stay longer just because they want to stay.They will have to suffer the consequences of having me be in public for to long.Which as a kid my mother told me when ever I had birthday parties.After a couple of hours I would end up hidding in a closet.Which I would be curled up in a ball crying my eyes out.Aparently i couldn't handle so many people at once back then either.
-Doesn’t understand personal space
I seriously have no idea what personal space means.Sure I can look up the deffinition just I can't understand what it really means.I just become so nosey about what someone is doing.I end up not realizing if I'm invading their personal space.So I never invade their personal space physically if it has to do with anything being close to them.Since I don't want to be close to them in the first place.But if it's about something interesting they are doing.I won't know where the boundries are and will bombard the person with a lot of questions.I can't help myself because the curiosity is so strong I feel like I'm going to die if I don't know.So then for the rest of the day it's going to bug the living hell out of me until I know.That or solve the issues even if the other person doesn't want me to.So it end up being just like how barney is in this video.
-May be very fidgety and unable to sit still, enjoys movement-based play like spinning, jumping, etc.
Well this is another part that both share as well.So another double whamy,yay! *starts to happy cry about my own misfortune*
Emotions or sensitivities
-Sensitivity or lack of sensitivity to loud or sudden sounds., textures (touch), tastes, smells or light
Omg I want to chock a bitch when people do this.It's even worse when some people keep repeating the god damn sound!After a point I will be wanting to break whatever that person has that is making that loud horrible sound!When my brother plays his guitar I serious want to smash them to pieces and destory all the equipment he owns.Just how loud it is freaks me out so badly I become disoriented and angry.
With textures clothes end up making me want to scratch myself to hell.I don't know why but for some reason they cause me to be really itchy at times.Then I become really irritated constantly having to scratch myself.
-Absorbs other peoples emotions
Ugh I seriously HATE this one.Since if someone mood changes just slightly.My brain knows in an instant.Even if the other persons swears on their own grave they aren't in a bad mood.I can tell they aren't 100% happy.So knowing they aren't 100% nags my brain to high heavens.So then it starts to lower my mood and I become irritated and angry.It makes me want to scream at the person and punch them.While yelling at them to get in a better mood before they drive me even more crazy with their less happy mood.So going into a public place everyone showing emoitions is an extreme overload for me.
-Laughs, cries or throws a tantrum for no apparent reason
I do this a lot as well.Though lately not as bad since I've been trying really hard to work on it.Though somedays are just impossible.I end up being mad,angry,sad,etc for no reason at all.Though I think most of it has to do with feeling so tired and can't think straight.That's just a theory I have.The tantrum part is normally when I start yelling at people for no logical reason.Just to get rid of the negative feelings I'm feeling at that moment.Though I always feel bad and regret it later.
-Becomes overwhelmed with too much verbal direction
When anyone tries to tell me how to do something.All that info stars to overwhelm me really fast.After a point I will lash out at the person to shut upSince I get to the point were I can't think straight with all that they have told me on what I need to do.I start to want to rub and scratch my head really hard to make that confusing pressure from them to go away.
-Tends to either tune out or break down when being reprimanded
I think I accidently added something like this to the ADHD part.My bad though this is true.Either I avoid it and ignore.That or I will defend myself till the bitter end.I seriously can not face this one well.Which is silly since it's not that hard to admit stuff.
-Calmed by external stimulation - soothing sound, brushing, rotating object, constant pressure (hammock, rolled in a blanket)
This is true though as an adult I don't know of to many things that soothe me.Though my mom told me when I was a kid and have an episode with having fits.She would wrap me up as tightly as she could in a blanket.Then start rocking in a rocking chair as hard as she possibly could.So the prssure from the blanket and extreme motion would help me to calm down over time.
-An emotional incident can determine the mood for the day - emotions can pass very suddenly or are drawn out for a long period of time.
Number one thing that sets the mood for me for the rest of a day.Is how well I slept and what kind of dream I had.Yes I know dreams aren't real.Though when I dream they are extremely vivid that they do feel real.That I'm interacting a whole lot in my dreams.So if I have a scary ass fucked up dream.I'm going to be freaked out for the rest of the day.
-Walks on toes
I did this a lot as a kid.Though even now as an adult I do not like walking on my heals in the house.So I'm normally walking on the balls of my feet to move faster.
-Unusual manner of walking
For some odd reason I can not walk on cracks.Mainly in sidewalks.So I end up looking funny while I'm trying to avoid all of them.
-Difficulty moving through a space (bumps into objects or people)
Ugh I hate this one.Since I'm constantly ramming my hips into doors and the corner of things.It happens with my shoulders too at times.Which is realy painful and I will cuss up a storm when it happens.Sadly they happen more than I like.
-Walks without swinging arms freely
HOLD IT!People actually walk with their arms swinging freely a lot?Holy shit I didn't know this at all.I always thought when I walked my arms moved normally.Aparently not since they barely swing at all.
Well there you have it folks.The autistic side of my combinded disorder.Which Since I know less about my autistic side vs my adhd one.Some of these surprised me.Since I was like,"Damn I always thought these things were normal."
Yes I do know that adhd and autism are extremely close in likeness.Though in my case they couldn't say it was one or the other.So I have both and you normally have multipul disorders that come with the whole package.Even though having both makes my everyday life extremely challenging to live normally.I wouldn't give it up since in away I feel unique with it.Makes me different from everyone else.Which I always hate it if anyone tries to group me up with other people.I guess even in verbal grouping with other people.I end up freaking out over it and can't stand it. :D I hope y'all enjoyed my many parts explaining as much as I could think of about what I experience with having both.I do hope this opens up peoples eyes to how adhd isn't just 3 different words.It's way more than that.That or with autism It's more than what most normally know it as.They are both way more deeper than that.Along with both being extremely serious when your with my case of them.I don't mind answering any questions about my combinded disorder.So go ahead and ask away.Just people don't overload me other wise I will want to hide under my bed.I'm not even kidding.Though I might just hide under the covers since that's easier.
Last thing to mention.I'm sure a lot of you are probably wondering how my boyfriend keeps his sanity while dating me.Honestly I have no clue either.Just some how after all these years of being together.He hasn't left me and been trying to help me improve as much as he can.Which I appreciate it more than I know how to express it to him.Though I've tried a lot of times but not sure if it was good enough.Still I know with this picture is how my boyfriend thinks about loving me.