Eight Things to Never Say to an Insecure Person

I've heard some pretty rude things come out of the mouths of people talking to others with very low self confidence. Whether you mean these things or not, remember that there are a few things you should be careful of avoiding when talking to an overly self-conscious person.

1.) Shut up, you're pretty.

Shut up? Well thanks person who I will never again trust with my deepest emotions. If I come to you upset about my body, it means I expect you to listen and talk to me, not tell me to shut up. Telling people they're pretty is great, keep doing that, but telling them to shut up definitely isn't. You may think you're being funny or maybe you just honestly think it's okay to talk to people that way, but it's not. After you tell me to shut up an then proceed to tell me my feelings are wrong, I will be hesitant to ever share a strong emotion or issue with you again for fear of being told to "shut up" because my feelings don't matter to you.

2.) I don't believe you.

This usually comes after I tell someone online my weight. It may seem flattering to you, but you telling me that you don't believe me about my weight just makes me feel worse about myself. I feel as if everyone else expects me to be small, and the fact that I'm bigger than you expect makes me feel like crap. If you want to flatter me then just tell me that the weight I tell you doen't bother you, i think that's much sweeter than telling me I'm lying about my own weight. (p.s., what girl would seriously lie to make herself seem FATTER?)

3.) You'd look better if you...

No. Just don't even start in on this unless the person specifically asks you for advice. I've been told that I'd look better if I dyed my hair back to brown which totally ruined how good the purple made me feel about myself. I've also been told I'd look better if I wore more makeup or tried to dress girly. The clothing that I wear now is comfortable for me and it makes me feel more ready to go out into the world. In dresses I feel sick to my stomach and worried about how I look. I'd prefer looking like a comfortable man than looking like a terrified and stressed out woman. Also, I have very little money. I come from a poor family so I can't afford fabulous clothing and good makeup, so even if I made an effort it still wouldn't improve me much.

4.) If you're so self conscious, why do you take so many pictures?

If you don't like the color brown why do you still eat brown foods? That's sort of like what you're asking. I take a lot of "selfies". I love looking into the camera and thinking about how beautiful I look on the tiny screen, even if I have to tilt it like the Leaning Tower of Pisa to look that way. You asking me that question makes me feel like I should stop taking pictures of myself, which is taking away one of the few outlets that actually makes me feel pretty.

5.) Wow, you're such an attention whore.

Uh, okay, and what does that make you for feeling the need to say that? Attention deficit? If I'm telling you that I dislike my looks, I don't expect to hear that I'm pretty. In fact, I don't want to hear tha I'm pretty, because then I'll just feel like I need to make myself look better to fit your standards. But you know what? If you're bitchy enough to call someone an attention whore for simply seeking out someone to talk to about their opinions then maybe I shouldn't care about what you think, because you don't seem like a person I should aspire to be like.

6.) Why don't you change it?

It isn't too easy to change your entire look over night. I have been working on my weight, my biggest insecurity, for awhile now. I've given up as much sugary food/drink as I can, I ask the adults of th ehouse to search for healthier options for me, and I've taken up more forms of exercise. I've only managed to lose 10 pounds so far, but that's better than nothing. It's hard to lose weight with my currect situation. We live off of food stamps, as trashy as that sounds, and I can't drive so I have no way to get a job to buy my own food. I have to eat whatever the adults buy, and my family isn't the healthiest. They don't care about their size, so I get stuck gaining more weight because of their food choices. I also have hypothyroidism, which makes exercise alone hardly enough to keep my weight steady. I have been trying for ages to change mysself, but it just doesn't seem to be working. So before your advice is "just change it", you should look at the reasons that changing it might not be too much of an option.

7.) Everyone has insecurities, stop acting like a victim.

You're right, everyone does have insecurities, so why am I not allowed to express mine? Using "everyone has insecurities" as a reason to stop worrying about them is like telling a crying person "everyone breaks their leg at some point little Timmy, stop being such a wimp."

8.) People these days are so sensitive, back in my day people had a tough outter skin!

Well back in your day you were probably a douche, so at least something has stayed the same since then. I don't care about what people in your day had, because this is a new point in time. People have changed, and it just so happens that the world has gotten more sensitive. Yes there are people who overdramatize things way more than necessary, but me not wearing bathing suuits because of my weight isn't some stupid overdramatization based on some silly remark. You make have a tough outter skin, but mine is like paper. (Also, it can cut you. Meaning I will gladly cut you.)

If you have an overly sensitive friend, try to remember these things if you want to avoid any unecessarily hurt feelings.

Eight Things to Never Say to an Insecure Person


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lexythelou22 is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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Most Helpful Guy

  • I guess we have different views on life. I too have my insecurities but mine never stemmed from looks which is why I don't take selfies. I've only taken one and that's because this one girl was begging me to send her one since she didn't see me in a long time.

    When people say "Back in my day people weren't pussies" I agree with them since this is only a recent phenomenon of extreme sensitivity and I strongly oppose it.

    I used to make what are now considered offensive jokes and everyone would laugh, some people still do but a lot of people get butt hurt.

    You can't expect a safe space, the world is filled with unpleasant people and environments, no one is going to change for you.

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    • That is fortunate you are secure with how you look, people have always been sensitive to what others say about them good or bad. You are actually spot on, you be you and let the world be what it is... the only thing you have the power to control is you response.

    • At the same time you wrote that last paragraph, you also wrote "I USED TO make what are now considered...".
      We indeed used to be told "no one is going to change for you" and start from that premise, but many (young) people these days actually seem to expect you to accommodate them.

    • @dipta I believe we should go back to that. It's ridiculous how more people need to be accommodated these days. More people have a learning disability or a mental disorder. Then there's the dietary restrictions. I get religious restrictions like kosher and halal but when people say they're gluten free or they don't eat meat then that's just absurd.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Or the worst... "Stop being so insecure".
    Well not my fault I went through what I went through to be this way. Can't put good people through random daily hell, and then expect them not to turn out damaged 'n' insecure. Can't just sit there torture, bully, abuse, and tease random people for being ugly, and then expect them to be confident by the time they become pretty without even considering what they WENT THROUGH to get there. Some of us aren't use to being the pretty happy girl who gets what she wants. Some of us are more use to spending their 1st 18-20 years of life being the ugly duckling. Ever heard of ugly duckling syndrome? a lot of women are pretty. But some of us aren't USE to being pretty. I really like this take by the way. I have insecurities my own. Sometimes I tend to be a bit vain just to hide it.

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What Guys Said 28

  • Ehh im sorry, im a bit insecure myself, but thats my problem not others. i don't expect others to walk on eggshells around me and neither do i for others.

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    • I don't see how this is walking on eggshells. I wouldn't say this list of things to anyone, whether it be an insecure person or the most confident person on earth.

  • Very good take - Your points are well made and very legitimate - I will just say one small thing there are people like me who can't judge weight that well so may fall into the trap of point 2 - I am constantly surprised by figures people give and may say I am surprised that you weigh x or y - You are correct, I don't believe you is probably the wrong phrase to use.
    On my old account I was very active on the How Do I Look topic and did realise that insecurity and self esteem issues were very prevalent with looks, weight and features. I did have a policy of being as honest as I could without thrashing someone. I do believe there is a certain amount of beauty in everyone. There is no need to be really harsh unless you felt it was a health issue ( for example weight going too far over and under ) and really ask is there any reasons for this before commenting on it.
    As you said the best thing you can do for a person with low self esteem is give them positive affirmation in a way that is not condescending and makes them look at themselves in a better light.
    One last quick point on the Attention Whore, yes they do exist but are you a 100% sure that person is an attention whore or maybe a person with a deep lying insecurity about themselves. As you said everyone has their own insecurities, I have actually met people who believed their whole self worth is wrapped up in their looks, take that away and they are nothing - If that is the case, thankfully I am average or below.

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    • I'm glad you agree, and I appreciate that you've been posting on a lot of my takes recently :)

  • 9. Anything which doesn't validate their mindset.

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  • I think most times, insecure people just need to get their ass kicked with words. Stop with the coddling and tell things how it is.
    Everyone has been insecure, I was insecure for a long time, and pretty words never really helped, cause they never solved any problem. It wasn't until I beat up myself with reality and how I should change, how I should act, that I changed and became confident in who I am. If whenever I feel insecure I just think to myself "it's ok to be insecure", I'm just gonna stay home feeling like shit. If instead of that I say "you gotta stop being a pussy, get up and work for what you want" I will stop being insecure and will improve my life.

    And yes, I know everyone likes different approaches. Being harsh works with me, and I know it works with others, but I know there are some people that just wanna hear pretty words.

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  • good suggestions, I also would hope that people who are insecure and do allow the opinions of others to impact their sense of value are on a mission to learn about the techniques that will develop their internal value based on living by principles like, honesty with yourself and others, loyalty, respectful considerate interactions, compassionate, tolerant of those who are unconscious of how their actions can affect others and knowing that a mind conditioned to accept its self, situations and others without judgement is a secure mind...

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  • I am an somewhat insecure person myself but I would not expect people to walk on eggshells around me.

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  • The guy in the picture looks like he is supposed to be smoking a joint.

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  • how much do you weigh?

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  • we all have insecurities, how we handle it is all different

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  • I would like to add one more thing.
    Don't try to convince them for anything. They ended up being self denial person.

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  • why don they just handle themseles?

    their issue is their journey

    an insecure girl will constantly test you to saticefy her distrust but this saticefaction will always be temporary. she will keep testing you and start fights and finally find a backup plan and boom, she's cheating

    avoid the extreme cases all together.

    they need cooping skills not try to change people they are around.

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    • were all insecure.

      the ones who learned to coop and grew up, be like them lol

    • Actually confident girls are more likely to start drama 'n' cheat. Insecure girls are usually more sweet 'n' vulnerable. And keep to themselves.

  • The world doesn't revolve around you. Get over your insecurities, but don't expect the world to wrap you up in pink cotton candy.

    Because let's face it, earth keeps spinning with or without you.

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  • Dont say these things because they can't handle the truth. There is a growing victim culture in society and its really quite sickening.

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  • "You're a man and therefore your insecurities are stupid, unlike mine which are valid and i should be coddled while you suck it up and deal with it"

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    • Oh wow, I said that? Huh, I didn't even know that I did! I thought this take said insecure people, not insecure women, but I must be mistaken...

    • It didn't say you said it. I was adding an extra one.

    • My bad, I've had a few guys try calling me a hypocrite because I'm female. I saw this as another of those, that's my mistake

  • if a person is THAT sensitive then he/she NEEDS to get bitchslapped in life so that he/she wakes up and get a grip... .

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  • What I take from this. Walk on eggshells for insecure people.

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    • What you should be taking from this, try to be a considerate person and think about someone else's emotions

    • Show All
    • @legalboxers While I won't go out of my way to make it worse nor will I go out of my way to cater to a specific person. If a person is sensitive and gets hurt by benign comments that's on them. I don't view this as being inconsiderate.

    • in my field I got to...

  • You forgot, "No, you cannot go through my phone."

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    • What do you mean?

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    • But you can say that to an insecure person. For some reason people think I'm trying to say that you need to walk on eggshells with insecure people, when really I'm saying that you should be considerate of the feelings of those with low self confidence. I have a really bad self esteem, but I would never expect any person, SO or otherwise, to allow me to invade their privacy.

    • My apologies. I should have qualified what I said. Instead, what I really meant is you can't say that to many insecure people.

  • Im not gonna walk on egg shells, this list made me just irritated but i appreciate the work.

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  • I hate how women like you will prefer confident men typically, hypocrites.

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    • Please direct my attention to the place where I mentioned that this take was about insecure women and women alone? Hm? What do you mean there is nowhere stating that? I thought for SURE that you'd only comment this if I had said it was about women. Huh, odd.

    • That is not what I meant. Let me ask you this. Do you prefer insecure men?

    • You have to give me more information. Given the option between a confident man who connects with me on a personal level or an insecure man who has nothing in common with me, it is obvious that I will choose the confident man. However, if the roles are switched I would very much choose the insecure man. You're trying to prove your point that you've got me all figured out when you haven't met me, which is a pretty lame move.

  • Just don't say anything to an insecure person. I prefer silence.

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What Girls Said 5

  • I have a completely different view on this. This kind of shit is political correctness gone nuts.
    As far as I'm concerned, you can get upset over your flaws, or you can deal with it, and do what you can to solve the problems. Complaining gets you absolutely nowhere, and only succeeds in making yourself feel like shit, and annoy the people around you.
    People need to start to realise that the world is NOT going to be nice to you because of your insecurities. Being overly sensitive is just going to make you miserable.

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  • This is literally so true. I get told all the time "shut up you're skinny".
    Yes I am skinny but I am not as skinny as I would like. You may think just because im skinny im happy about my body but i am most definitely not happy.

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  • Great my take, nice job 👍

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  • Are you for real with this list? Like you said, some people are "overly self-conscious".
    On a side note, why would a real insecure person actually dye their hair purple? Lol

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  • Harden the hell up , this is the most self-centered bs I've ever heard

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