As a young girl growing up, it's natural to want to be liked by those you are constantly in company with.
However, how is one supposed to like themselves if they are constantly made fun of by other children in school? When a child becomes school age, they spend more time among their peers, than they do at home.
How they are treated by other individuals weighs heavily on their self esteem. They begin to perceive themselves the way people constantly say that they are.
If you're frequently told you're unattractive, no good and unworthy by those you see more than your own family, how are you supposed to view yourself any differently? The constant daily taunting is no different than verbal abuse because of the detrimental effects it can have on a person.
The only people that tell you any thing good about yourself, are your parents. You don't believe them because you figure it is their role to build you up and encourage you. Even if you were the most unattractive person on Earth, they still wouldn't tell you that you are. They'd somehow still see the beauty in you. They'd refuse to see you as the negative things that you paint yourself to be.
The only words that seem to be true in your eyes, are the objective views that you hear from those who flock together in a crowd.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
Who could create such a quote that lacks human understanding and empathy? If you are alive, you have the ability to feel. You have emotions. Words do hurt, and can cause severe psychological damage, or even allow someone to become a victim of suicide.
My mother molded the above quote into her own by saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but a fool like you will never hurt me." She wanted me to be strong. She wanted me to gain strength. She wanted me to stare those bullies in the eyes and say those things.
I eventually did gain the courage to stand up for myself, but the bullying didn't get any better. In fact, it only grew worse.
I used to think that self confidence came from having a lot of friends, or constantly being told how great you are by others. But in life, I realized that although those things make you feel great, true self confidence has to come from within. What every one else says to you after, is just an added bonus towards your self esteem. I had to feel good about myself internally before I could ever accept or truly believe compliments that were told to me.
How did I achieve self confidence?
I had to stop caring so much about what others thought about me. I had to stop defining myself by insults that were thrown towards me, by those who didn't even know me on a deeper level. I had to live for myself, instead of living for others. I had to do what made me happy. I had to stop looking for others to approve of my actions, and instead approve of myself.
When I learned to mute peoples harsh words out, my voice in my head became the loudest of all. Instead, of seeing myself for the way every one painted me to be, I saw myself for who I knew I was; a beautiful, kind, and giving young lady.
The people in my life that gave me negative energy and hate, I weeded them out and instead surrounded myself with those who were positive. My low self confidence, allowed me to cling on to those who weren't really my friends. The way I saw myself, jaded my view and made me think that those who said they were my friends, really were. The reality of it is, they never were. They were out to hurt me just as much as those who bullied me every day.
I didn't need the toxicity in my life, for I was growing weak and being poisoned by its fumes. I needed those who were positive in my life. I needed a spirit that was uplifting and that was doing right. When I surrounded myself with great people, my outlook on the world began to change.
Perfection doesn't exist and is only a unrealistic standard someone lays out for you to meet. I accepted my flaws that cannot be changed, as a part of me. The things that I was able to change, I used them as a block to further build on to reach the greatest of my capabilities. I had to establish a sense of self contentment and satisfaction, when I did no ones negativity seemed to graze me any longer. I truly loved myself. I didn't need to hear that I am beautiful, to know that I am. I didn't need to hear that I am smart, to know that I am. I didn't need to hear that I am worthy, to know my value. I had already established within myself that I was all of those things, hearing it from others only worked as a confidence booster. But it wasn't the sole purpose for my confidence itself.
I had to be the source of energy for the outlet to work; if someone else tried to be, the current would have been weak.
If a person looks to others for self contentment, they will be disappointed each and every single time, because they will wonder why didn't I hear exactly what I wanted to?
I decided that I didn't want that to be me.
I will walk in this life, only one time so it is best to make the greatest out of my journey.
So, people can call me whatever they want to but I no longer have the ability to be effected by those words. I know and truly love myself, nothing any one says or does can change that.