The idea of death is rarely taken seriously. People joke about it all the time but few individuals truly grasp the concept of the lives it distorts. I was among the clueless until I was 18 years old and driving to my history class. I am writing this because I drive right by where I was almost killed basically everyday. I think about it all the time and the only peace I seem to get is in my sleep.
I admit I was running later than I wanted to that day. I like to get to class at least 45-60 minutes early so I can read before class. Before I left the house, I told my mom I was leaving like I always do and I told my mom I loved her. I remember I got up early that day and I told my dad I loved him before he left for work. I was driving for about ten minutes passing by a gas station that I always pass by and I started to notice a driver acting strange.
At first I thought, "what the hell is this driver doing." That quickly changed to, "my god they're headed right towards me." For a split second something weird happened I was staring death in the face and I wasn't afraid, a sort of peace set in me then reality set in and I swerved as hard as I could towards the right. I then hit my breaks as hard as I could to avoid landing in a farming field.
I sat there in my car on the side of the highway thanking my lucky stars that I was alive. That car was very large and my car is very small I know it would've killed me instantly. I reflected on the fact that I could've died and all I could think was, "I am so glad that I told my parents I loved them." But then fear and regret set in. Regret that I never repaid the people who sacrificed so much for me. Fear that I never went out and did what I wanted to do with my life. I made a bucket list when I was 14 and it is now 6 pages long. I never went out of my way to cross any of it off. I sat there and wondered what happened to that girl?
My 14 year old self wanted to travel the world and have amazing experiences. I knew I wasn't born to live an average life then die at 18 while driving to class. And for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why I never tried to cross anything off my bucket list. I never sought out to do anything I wanted to do and all I had to show for it was a pile of books on my nightstand I had meant to read. And then I remembered I had to get to class even though if a student shows up late, my professor is really nice about it.
Which Is exactly why for my next birthday instead of asking for more "stuff", I will be asking for a chance to cross something off my bucket list. Except I will probably ask for more books, one can never have too many books. Books are good to have when this muggle world gets boring. I already have a trip to Europe and Yosemite ready. It's also why I applied for a nonpaying job at a hospital. I knew it was nonpaying but I knew I will love working there and I wanted to give my life a cause greater than myself.
That cause was to lose myself in helping others. I knew that actually getting the job will be a Hail Mary because so many people are interested in the program but I definitely won't get it if I don't apply. You can imagine how ecstatic I was when I got the job. All I ask, is don't wait for you to nearly be killed to motivate you to live your life.