🎯 Inside the Mind of Adulthood💬

First time I felt like an adult I was wearing a blazer.

Yes, a black blazer. Like something you wouldn’t imagine me to wear. Like a businesswoman as if I were someone high and mighty? It was similar to wearing high heels for the first time and thinking some one who knew me in high school would just laugh at the sight of this. Especially If you're someone like me. Which if you don’t know me yet I am your plain generic girl without of a clue what she want out of life.

Another American girl who indulges in online chatting, pizza, and spending her free time on free online movies. One of those girls who don’t give a fuck and the ones that don’t seem notices that they have extra rolls behind their back. As I was reaching my destination my low black ballet shoes told me to stop. As if they were pleading, “ why oh why did I decide to change now!” Every few minutes the heel of my shoes would slip off side, front way, back and forth as I encounter every tiny crack on the sidewalk.

Now picture how ridiculous I looked wearing a blazer a little too tight, gray dress pants that didn’t fit well on my muffin top, and shoes that were so cheaply made that I kept hitting the ground because they did not prove any support. The expression on my face said it all. I twisted and pushed and pulled and punch all my emotions that I felt into one. With just one look on my face you would think I was enduring torture that some how some invisible force had something against me. So you get the picture don’t yeah? This isn’t a story about a queen or a fairy or a diamond in the rough. This about a girl trying to grow up. Trying to live the world outside her fantasy.

Because in my small inner world I am the heroic Queen but I decide to trade my crown for adulthood. My kingdom for responsibility and my fantasy with reality. “It was about time!” my mother would say! “I waited long enough!”. As she eagerly and violently pulled and tore my soft blue lightweight gown into my dark closet. The darkness and absence of my dress and crown had erased my elegance and the warmth of security.

I was no longer allowed to ask my mother for advice. No more standing behind an adult when I couldn’t afford it. No more expect someone to rewind my clock. No more anything. As an adult I was suppose to be in charge let say the captain of my boat. The great leader of my country. I was not allowed to stay in the under the cover of my bedsheets.

The rules were simple in adulthood you're responsible for your life. You fuck up than you fix it! It was up to me to solve my problem. I kept walking closer and closer until I was there in front of big thick glass doors. Behind these doors I knew I would be judge from the way, I dress to the way, I spoke, and to the way I held myself together. I took one deep breath in and remind myself, “I will always love you.” As I held my breath in I open the door to unexplored territory. At this exact moment I knew all those days wasted as a child I would finally be tested to see if I made it.

The test that all kids must go through no exceptions. It didn’t matter what my height was or my weight this was my moment. As I went inside those door and into a dark purple walls cam to view and then I saw a face. A face like no other. It was girl with red hair and and red lips and perfect smile. She was my past envy…my nightmare…my ….my hope my wish my my want. Her eyes resembled a dragon.

Something about her was not human. The way she smiled like she knew my secret. As if she could rip me apart with just one bite. Her voice was as clear and loud. She said,”Hello.” Yet her were saying, “Look.” The younger version of me needed to be pretty.

The mirror held in the middle of room wanted me to shrink...It wanted to make me less important. The voice in my head started to mumbled and then it got louder until I could not ignore it. My mind started to focused on the voice of boy a child who replay the same propaganda until I believe it. He would say in direct voice “you don’t deserve anything.”

This boy only came occasion only to laugh at my disappointment. Sometimes when he would visit he would hit me in my weak spot call me, “stupid… ugly…and fat….and how I was going to dies anyway.” He was like my bully that I couldn’t not make stop. Because on one cold fall morning when I told my teacher that he was make funny me or she said something or so and so trying to hurt me. They would smile the same fake dragon smile that I saw on that girl face.

I beg the boy to leave and scream that he was not needed. Words could not form to speak. When I finally let my mouth go and let the voice echo in my mind. I manage to stumble on the letters of hello. “Hello” I repeated “Hello Hello Hello.” My body froze. My clothes stop arguing…my shoes decide to stay still…My belly rolls decide to get smaller…the mirror stop shrinking me…the voice stop playing its record…the dragon spoke and the wind of her voice said stiffly, “come in.”

And than I let go of the breath I was holding in. Everything that held me together in a nots of destruction was finally cut off. The promise of fresh air came into my mind. I was finally released from my fears that threaten my shoes.The first time I felt like an adult I was twenty. In that cold Tuesday morning when I decide to leave behind those sharp thing called self judgement at the door.

#GaGWritingContest #QueenApple24 🍎👑 #GiveMe$$$$$


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Most Helpful Guy

  • This is one of my favorite pieces here, mainly because it's vulnerable it's true and accurate to the point that it speaks for so many of us that went through the same thing. Growing up is hard it's like walking again for the first time.

    Being a published author and seeing how creatively you write keeps me inspired. You use metaphors well and also the analogies too work for this piece.

    I do however have some constructive criticism, and that is to do this more, understand that you have a strength for writing and have interests that others share as well, I can see you being in print if you apply yourself more to your craft.

    This by far is your best work and I think there is more to come from the kingdom of Apple. I bet you could write children's books if you so decided to do that. I bet a lot of kids would relate well to the things you write about.

    Don't second guess yourself you have immense talent even if someone else tells you you don't I can see it clearly. Use your fears to propel yourself forward and be unafraid to get angry at the situation, it will motivate you to take massive action in the direction you want to go.

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    • Your a published author? What book?

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    • Thanks! again!

    • You're always welcome, anytime. :)

Most Helpful Girl

  • This was... powerful stuff!

    ... And unexpected, too -- I'm used to seeing yr responses as mostly cheerful, sometimes sad, little interjections that usually aren't more than 5-10 words long. This was very well done, and very well thought out. I hope that there's more coming from where it came from!

    __

    Honestly, I think the next "step", for you, will be whenever you realize that "adults" are kinda just the same as teenagers, anyway. There's really just 2 things that separate those two groups:
    1) Financial problems,
    2) Having children.
    I mean, if you take away those two things, really, there isn't that much of a difference, in terms of what's going on inside people's heads, between the mind of a 17-year-old and the mind of a 47-year-old. If the 47-year-old has more wisdom, it's not because she/he is "smarter" or "more mature"; it's just because she/he has lived longer and seen more stuff. (If you listen to the conversations of people in their 40's who are childless and financially secure, they sound A LOT like teenage conversations. Lol.)

    So, basically, you are already there. You don't really have any more "growing" to do -- you just have more LIVING to do. Now is the time to go out there and experience all sorts of different things -- some amazing, some boring, some heartbreaking -- and gain all that wisdom that you'll have when you are old like me. (:

    Oh, also... Now that I have 3 kids of my own, I've never felt more like a kid -- in other words, NOT like an adult -- than I do now.
    I mean... I had to grow up really fast. Had a single father, there were 5 of us, so we all went to work starting at age 13-14 to help support the household. So we were pretty much "adults" already, as teenagers.
    Now? Ahahah I'm sometimes wearing purple ombré lipstick and hair glitter to go meet with clients. When my daughter is a couple years older (she's 8 right now) I imagine that will only get worse, lmao.

    Maybe that's how you know you're doing something right, in life -- when you've done the "adult" thing for a while, and then you reach the point where you feel like you can be a kid again. In certain ways at least.

    Dunno.

    Again, GREAT piece. I loved it babe. <3

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What Guys Said 44

  • Wow, this one is excellent! You have articulated your thoughts really well, and I can pretty much relate to it (except for the gender)! You should be writing more myTakes, you know! You write well! :)

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  • And it's better you keep that boat in the water, floating and ready to surf when it's needed. Also, neeverrrr forget to bring the parrot in your shoulder young lady. Imagination can coexist with reality to bring some extra joy, so you don't need to let the old apple tied in the basement.

    Gotta say this is the best piece of text i've read from you (the only way to beat it... is if you make a take about how oranges are perfect... u__u. )

    Did you liked to writte it? I think you did. I hope you start writte more more more and more. I remember you saying you had cool anime ideas, and i believe it, but i think there's more behind that, maybe it's not just anime, maybe can be video and any kind of film content, maybe romance, maybe comedy and nonsence, maybe you have a place in audiovisuals field, doing a lot of different stuff, maybe scripts, maybe filming, maybe editing, something where you tell stories.

    You seem to be the creative type but fighting a lot against personal and old insecurities, against procrastination and also too much fear about what to choose to do, it has been so hard for you to get out of the uncertainty fog, that the procrastination problem keeps getting you, soo... you made a wise move, you are putting a step somewhere. I bet your life can only change for the better, even if you get some hard moments, that's the fight you are making to get in the track, so surpass them.

    Hugs from Orange.

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  • Yes the journey into adulthood can seem extreme for a lot of people, an event or a period of time that feels life changing and often cataclysmic in nature but as time goes by you adapt to it becoming more comfortable with it even letting some childlike influences back in. I suppose the trick is to try to get a good balance between the responsibilities/duties of adulthood without losing some of the best qualities of childhood like expressing yourself openly.
    Lovely take by the way.

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  • Good take on what it means to grow up. That moment when a child first realizes what responsibility means. I really liked the metaphors you used, eyes like a dragon. ^.^

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  • Im guessing this was about your job interview xD? How did that go by the way? I've interviewed people before and some of them have that exact deer in headlights moment you described when they open the door and see me sitting there 😂.

    Interesting take on your first "adult life" experience. What that little boy said about you not deserving anything is completely true in the adult world, you only get out of it as much as you put in.

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    • Boy= the voice in my head. Yes I am recieving therapy lol. And it due to anxiety and stress at the extreme that you start hearing a voice. ): Also nah the intreview was alright. I didn't get the job ): But I'll keep trying. (:

    • Yeah, i figured it was the little voice in your head 😊. But even though he was an asshole he did deliver that one hard truth there.

      Sorry to hear you didn't get the job, but at least you can go get a blazer that you dont need to stretch now xD. And yeah keep trying, you get better and better at interviews the more you do them 👍 best of luck with them.

    • I just hope so one give me a chance! I am so willing to learn! I know I can do it. I just need someone to gamble on me!

  • Dang girl lol, that was like a mini book! You should trying writing a book! Nobody want's adulthood to actually happen. It's something that kids always want because they're tired of being treated as kids, but they don't know how ruthless this world is sometimes. Yes, it has to happen to everyone (well I guess not everyone per se, since there are some rich kids out there that will never have to work a day in their life. Could be a good or bad thing) but it's a necessary part of life. Hope you prosper and make the best of it! Good luck in life! :)

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  • Nice recapture of your stream of consciousness. Good luck with the contest!

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  • I'm not sure what being "One of those girls who don’t give a fuck and the ones that don’t seem notices that they have extra rolls behind their back." means, but all in all I loved how you wrote it. (the metaphors and such) 😊
    I wish I could say "I know how you feel" and try to help you out, but even at my age I still have never truly felt like an adult. 😥

    I can hardly taste the feeling with my epilepsy,(esp with it severely damaging memory abilities), trapping me from any opportunity to even try to become a true adult... (aside from working on my shyness, which I get no more than a few minutes per week via Church to try)

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  • Interesting mytake, you're quite the writer since I'm so used to your short opinion responses, lol looks like you would be good at being an author of books in that genre. I don't remember when I became an adult or if I ever grew up since I act like a big kid at times anyway😊 But nice mytake, keep up the good work

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  • Interesting take, and like the detail of your emotions as you go along...

    I also like how you have identified your change to adulthood in this one single event!

    Going to an interview and trying to get your first "real" job/career is a life changing event and does propel you into adulthood.

    I recall my first interview with the government, it was frightening LOL I was interviewed by six different people, sometimes all at once!

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    • Lol did u get it?

    • Yes, I got it... you are all grown-up now! No comforts of home, all the things your mom taught you, finally stepping outside of your castle walls in an attempt to be on your own!

      I like your last paragraph as it suggests that you were able to finally break free of your inner child to become an adult, and although it was frightening, it was also enlightening!

  • It made me wonder if I ever felt like an adult (even though I know I am one)... or if it's really necessary to go through all of it to feel like one. I believe it's a personal experience and it wasn't very pleasurable for you :(

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  • Have you ever tasted a first slice of a delicious pie over and over again.. This take was like that
    Technically it's impossible because you cannot taste something for first time.. Many time.. But you did it..
    How is the job hunting going..,.. Good luck with it? And I hope you win!.. You need $$

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    • Still looking! Maybe tomorrow! I'll look for job plus I start school on monday!

  • Fascinating Take, I like it, and great pictures by the way, you are really talented, I think you should write a book, maybe you'll be the next J. K. Rowling :D

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  • A very good insight into how it feels to take that first step into adulthood. My first, "Oh shit!" moment of adulthood was the first time I stood in front of a class to teach. I had been preparing for weeks on what i was going to say. I had my best suit on, best shirt ironed and pressed, best shoes polished, my tie game was on point. I looked the part. Then I went to start speaking and it was convoluted word vomit. I'd never panicked while speaking before. The only thing I could do was yell at myself in my mind and try to reset.

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    • oh my gosh! Your a teacher? Get out of here! What subject?

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    • China was awesome! I used to spend my weekends in Beijing. Was completely different from anything I new in the US. I miss the food.

    • aww I wished I travel like you hahaha! (:

  • This is very different! Not the usual type of Take at all! A bit scary and spooky, but well written. I love it! KUDOS!

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    • Spooky but how?

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    • oh ): Its okay... We can do it! Or thats what I keep telling myself.

    • You are so right! The power of the mind is immense. Channel that power in the right way and anything is possible!

  • Kind of hard to believe you wrote this lol :O but nice take.

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  • Well damn, not something you read everyday. I enjoyed this Take. Well done.

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  • What a take Apple... a very interesting, personal story!
    Do you have the feeling for yourself that you managed to meet the challenges and that you have successfully made the big steps towards adultcy?

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  • :)
    I love it how you compared stuff or gave stuff a name. Self Doubt would be the Boy for example
    I loved it

    I love dragons though XD
    Majestic misunderstood creatures

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  • Great take and nice use of visuals.

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What Girls Said 36

  • Oh my goodness apple I am at a loss for words. You're always so playful, so cheerful so fun! And your writing was so intense, so mature, so personal. I've read only a handful of of these stories for the contest but yours by far is my most favorite! This was truly amazing! You've got some serious skill!!

    31.media.tumblr.com/.../...hvvHNn1uu7rcro1_400.gif

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  • Wow I love this Apple 🍎 I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. It has such deep meaning which reach people deep inside. It makes me mediate and think deeply. I love that. I can see you being a great author one day. You have a way with words to captivate the reader, and intrigue them. Keep writing like this and you'll not only be the Queen of G@G but the Queen of MyTakes too. 👍❤🍎👸👑

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  • This has got to be for a job interview. I feel your fear, I'm switching jobs and going into a new field I have zero experience. It's nerve wracking and hard to convince someone to give you a a chance. That feeling of being judged and analyzed can really get to you. Being prepared can help that and luckily you have the internet to Google questions typically asked for the field you're applying, find some good answers for those annoying tougher questions like "what is your weakness?". I've been adulting for years now and interviews still make me sweat.

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  • haha I like the way you write, made me stressed out through out the whole text.
    I knew it was about your interview and from some of the comments I know you didn t get the job but it s ok. Failure is the key of success after all ;)
    it def is scary to feel you re on your own all of sudden, but the thing is you shouldn t be. I don t know about your mum but getting advice and support from her will always be needed and vis versa.
    Also maybe after taking that first step I guess you did or eventually will feel liberated and more powerful. especially when you start to manage on your own.
    so therefore the real world would eventually be your kingdome and you may rule again ;)

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  • I really love all the metaphors and the narration!
    This was beautifully written and so very true!
    Great mytake!

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  • This is really well written and I love how you mix up your thoughts/feelings with reality and don't let the reader know which is which so that it gets hard to differ, it's deep and makes you think :)

    #QueenApplefortheWin !

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  • Stream of consciousness. Life is a journey - I'm glad you traveled the round of adulthood recently enough. =)

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  • This brought me back to my own adjustments and transitions adapting to the adult world. The secret is to hold onto that child because that's where you get the brilliant imagination ♡ You made this very real for the reader!

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  • "Because in my small inner world I am the heroic Queen but I decide to trade my crown for adulthood."
    wow apple, i'm surprised. im so used to ur funny replies and this was so.. deep. i liked it a lot, the transition between childhood and adulthood. nice job :D

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  • The great thing and the scary thing about becoming an adult is finding your own voice and reinventing yourself. You are on your way. Fun take Apple☮💜😊!!

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  • Awesome job Apple! I loved this Mytake :)

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  • Nice take 😊. It describes exactly how I feel most of the time.

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  • http://imgur.com/DnXaxlW OMFGGGG @apple24 I'm madddd jelly right now that I didn't come up with this ! This was AMAZING and written perfectly 👌👏👏👏👏

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  • Apple... your inner fantastic world enchants me!

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  • Beautiful! I never had anything like this, because my family still treat me like a child. Its fustrateing because I feel like I can never feel free around the... Like an animal in a cage. But I did sort of feel like this when I had my son, I felt like I'm a woman now and nothing can stand in my way... But then I was soon put in my place by my grandma. But she seems to think she is the godfather and everyone under her feels the same.

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    • wow~! If I had a child my mother would have kicked me out to be honest. Don't get me wrong I am still treated like a child!

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    • Well I try to forgive and forget, and also not get on my grandmas bad side just incase she sends a hit man out on me (Just kidding). But he's not as contorling as made out here, I think I was exadurating because I felt angry that he was sad I was leaving on holiday. But we made up, I had a grate time and he is back to his nicer self now.

    • well okay! if not I'll send a hit man! lol

  • nice take!! i love the way u wrote this :D good job! and I'm glad to hear u left those negative things behind :)

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  • This was really funny and so true about adulthood. Every time I get nervous about doing something I tell myself that I am a Khaleesi, which means queen in dothraki and finish in Arabic. You should totally write more my takes!

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  • WOW!!! That was a dramatic take and maybe that's how you really felt. But for me I was already growing up and had lots of responsibility at the age of 9 years old. My life was fast and thrown on me with to much to handle. I am only 28 but sometimes I feel older because of my rough childhood. It was hard but now I am thankful for it because I matured way ahead of time.

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  • This is an amazing take apple! I'm sorry I came to the part a little late though. But I don't regret reading it. I can relate In some cases! But I'm proud of you !! 👌👍 good job

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  • Congratulations! This is a very interesting Take!

    And this is something I needed to read.

    Thanks :)

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