I was born into a poor family, my father was always at work or out with a girlfriend while I was with my grandparents, because my dad didn't want me with my mom.
I grew up moving around a lot and no matter where I lived, I was incredibly bullied. I was always that teachers-pet, I read a lot and I was smarter than them so they didn't like me. I was always an avid reader and bookworm.
After years and years of bullying, telling my dad and him doing nothing, I just came to accept it and tried my best to ignore it. I eventually became incredibly depressed. By the time I was in 8th grade, I tried to commit suicide. An EIGHTH grader.
Well my dad wasn't ever one for emotion but around 7-8th grade, before and after my suicide attempt, my dad became a lot more emotionally abusive. He would call me fat, make fun of my acne etc. He'd say "Why dont you ever hang out with friends?" etc but when I asked he'd say no and he'd force me to stay home so I could be his personal maid, nurse, cook whatever he needed.
When he found out I was suicidal in 9th grade, he dragged me into the garage and handed me a blade, said "Slit your wrists, bleed out." Then locked me in there and left. That was the day i said my first official "fuck you" to my dad. (The photo below is the exact kind).
As time progressed my father began hitting me, slaps to my head or smacking me, using the belt on my ass too. Even if I did something *his wife specifically told me to do* he'd punish me by doing these military workouts I did NOT have the strength/endurance to do. He'd have me hold 10 pound weights in each hand, hold my hands above my head completely straight, while doing laps up and down the flight of stairs in my house. That was a part of his punishment, so was taking away my fucking BOOKS. He not only physically and mentally abused me but he emotionally did too.
"Your writing is shit, you'll never become an author."
"You're fat, you're really getting a second plate of dinner?"
"I think you should cut back on the sweets."
"I can play connect the dots on your forehead."
"You have no friends Jade, that's why you're always home."
"I'm beginning to hate you."
Good, because I do hate you "Dad".
I took the beatings, I took the emotional hate...but as soon as my dad said "You'll never become an author", I hated him with a passion from that moment on.
One night, I was punished from all electronics for some dumb thing. I was using my brothers computer to message my mom because I was so depressed and I wanted to live with her. My dad burst into my room screaming and just began beating me with the belt not caring where it landed. I had welts and was bleeding because of him.
The next day at school i told one of my friends why it hurt so much to sit down, she wouldn't stop asking. She got PISSED. So she dragged me from the classroom to the counselor, she explained to her counselor what was wrong and made me talk to her.
Eventually, after and long and grueling process of cops and photo taking and CPS, my mother got temporary custody of me so she picked me up and took me to her home. I was finally with my mom. Since I was with my mom, she let me use her phone. I had a crush on this guy who I befriended during the time I was iwth my dad so this guy (B) and I started dating.
Well I'll make that long story short, he ended the relationship with me by saying "I can do better then you, forget about me." And I was heartbroken- it took me over 5 months to get over him and to this day I still miss him and even though we were in an unhealthy relationship, and he lied to me so so so much, apart of me will always love him.
Now I am currently in a very healthy, very happy relationship with a very sweet and loving boyfriend, my mother had a baby, my mother is engaged, and I am in my last year of High School. I still have depression but not as severe, I still have anxiety, but I am no longer suicidal. In August I have to go to court in front of a jury because the state is pressing charges against my dad, and I'm gonna end up crying, but if my dad is found to be guilty then my mother gets automatic full custody of me.
My mother has done more for me in a year than my father has for me in 12 years. Sure we aren't rich, we do't have a fancy house, we don't own a mustang but we have love.
Now I agree that fathers day is for fathers, but mothers day is for mothers, but I do not have a father. I have a sperm donor, someone who ruined my life, my self confidence and my self-worth. I am slowly working to gain confidence and self-esteem, I'm slowly regaining happiness even in this fucked up world with fucked up family. But....I still have hope there is good in this world.
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