1. Just once I wish someone would ask me if I play tennis, or soccer, or run...anything else!
2. Walk, walk, duck, walk, walk, duck, ow!, duck, walk, duck, walk (typical trip down a tree lined sidewalk).
3. I don't know who these short people are who can even reach the top shelf of the size 10 shoe section, but why is it every time I pick up a shoe, its a size 6 or 8, and not a 10!
4. You have plus, you have a petite section, but is there ever a tall section? No. No there is not.
5. No, I'm not actually wearing heels right now. Oh you just checked because you didn't believe me...
6. Sir, my knees have been jammed into the pleathery crotch of this airplane seat for 8 hours and now is the time you pick to block the aisle trying to find your friggin' cell phone! So help me, I will use these spider legs to hurdle over you if necessary. Don't temp me.
7. If another person asks if I can just squish down a little...
8. Hey, why is everyone else so winded, it was only a 10 block walk. Oh right.
9. Using me as tree shade doesn't quite work when its raining and the umbrella is up here and the rain is falling down there, now does it?
10. So when I offered to get it down 5 minutes ago when I was standing there trying to help, it was my problem for trying to help, but now that you and I...mainly you...realize you can't reach it, and I'm comfortable on the couch, it's your problem.
11. If capris had a long sleeve shirt equivalent, I'm looking at it. I see I'll be rolling up the sleeves...again.
12. Is he looking at my boobs because he's a guy or are they just literally in his face and he actually has no where else to really look?
13. By all means, give me the lecture again about how I'm not "supposed" to wear high heels. I didn't get it the first 10 times you gave it to me.
14. I'm just going to go ahead and put this romper back on the hanger and walk away slowly.
15. In most cultures, its rude to meet someone new and make exclamatory remarks like, "you're fat," or "you're old," or "you've got a glass eye," but "you're tall!" they screech, and everyone is apparently fine with that. Hmm-k.
16. I swear to God I am NOT playing footsy with you. I was just trying to stretch
17. I'm guessing you didn't run the standard background check you do for everyone else on this guy you're trying to hook me up with. You clearly only picked him for me because he's tall. Gee...thanks.
18. No, I voted and you sleep on the hotel pull out couch, and I'll take the bed.
19. If I scoot the seat up even an inch, we're all going to die when I can't hit the brakes. You're fine.
20. Why must I always be made to look like I'm pooping to take a picture with anyone?
21. Hmm, my friends seem to be looking for me in the crowd...ACTIVATE HOMING BEACON! (stands up)
22. Must take 14 steps back to see what I'm wearing in the full length mirror, ok, ok.
23. Finally an actual selfie because I can't see any of my friends in the photo. Ha!
24. Third head wound this month from that damn lamp!
25. One...size...fits...f*ck you!