How Being A Conventionally "Pretty" Girl Has Affected My Life

[Anonymous]

I don't want this to sound like a cry of attention or as though I am proud, which is why I'm posting anonymously. This is not to be deemed as for any other purpose than to throw some insight onto what it's like to be a conventionally good looking female.

So here are ways conventional beauty has affected my life.

1) How It Has Affected Work

One day I got called into the office at my place of work. In fear that I had forgotten to complete a task or had accidentally broken something, you can imagine how caught off guard I felt when my manager and supervisor explained to me what the problem was.

They said that I couldn't wear a lightly padded or no bra when I came to work anymore. Not because it was offending anyone, or that I appeared less dressed than any of my co-workers, but because I might be turning on the customers and they were concerned that I might be targeted for stalkers and/or rape if I wasn't more conservative with my choices in undergarments.

Another day it was suggested by a supervisor that I stop being overly nice to customers because men might get the wrong idea and I, once again, may be targeted if I'm not careful.

The words "you're a very pretty girl, so we feel concerned..." were used in both circumstances.

Maybe if I weren't pretty, I wouldn't need to worry about being "targeted".

2) How It Has Affected My View On Men

When I was younger I knew that there were bound to be bad guys and good guys. I didn't have a distinct visual line between the two, but I knew one type would want me for my body and one type would want me for my soul.

But after a few smacks in the jaw by puberty and a little touching up to my wardrobe, I soon discovered as a teenager that most guys fall into the former category, specifically ones in my age range.

I have witnessed myself be considered just a girl guys want a crack at, rather than a friend to any guys. Guys I desperately wanted close friendships with turned me away when they realized I wasn't romantically interested in them. Because my friendship wasn't worth their time.

And with that in mind, I never know if a guy is holding a door for me out of generosity, or to check out my ass. And as funny as that sounds, it's actually pretty sad.

Maybe if I weren't pretty I wouldn't need to worry that a guy only likes me for my body.

3) How It Has Affected My View On Women

Women are naturally jealous of other women. I'm no exception to that. I will see a girl in a magazine or a pretty girl walking down the street and automatically dislike her because she makes me feel physically inferior, and I'm not ashamed to say that. It's just a psychological feeling that demands attention.

And with that in mind, I have felt myself lose multiple friends and gain multiple enemies due to girls feeling a similar way towards me. And that is also pretty depressing, because a woman shouldn't be jealous of another womans beauty, we should be supportive and respond with a "you go girl!" attitude.

Maybe if I weren't pretty, a girl wouldn't make a decision on our friendship status based on how much I intimidate her.

4) How It Has Affected My Family Members Views On Me

On more than one occasion, family members have made comments on my appearance. Usually along the lines of:

"You're such a pretty girl, you should go into modelling."

"You're such a pretty girl, you should get a secretary job at a law firm and snag a young lawyer."

"You're such a pretty girl, you should take advantage of that before it's too late."

Maybe if I weren't pretty, my family would have higher expectations of me.

Maybe if I weren't pretty, they'd suggest I become a lawyer.

5) How It Has Affected Strangers Opinions On Me

More often than would be expected, people automatically assume I'm not very bright. How could I be? With a pretty face like that, why would I need to be bright?

People automatically assume I'm not athletic. How could I be? With a pretty face like that, why would I ever do sports?

People automatically assume I need protection to go anywhere by myself. How could I be safe? With a pretty face like that, why would I possibly walk to the store by myself at 7pm?

Maybe if I weren't pretty, people would believe I know how to handle myself. Alone.


But hey, I should't be complaining.

I "lucked out in the gene pool", right?

I "don't have to worry about finding a man", right?

I "have a face other girls would die for", right?


But I guess the grass is always greener.

[HorrorFan]

1. I highly doubt this is the norm for attractive women at the workplace. Your bosses sound insane. I've never heard of a boss telling the workers to be less nice. That sounds pretty counterproductive.

2. I mean... you expected teenage boys to want you for your soul? It doesn't matter how attractive you are. Most guys that age are trying to build their sexual experience. Not find a wife at 17 years old or whatever.

Guys didn't turn your friendship away because it wasn't worth their time. Guys turned your friendship away because they wanted more and since that wasn't on the table, they moved on and rightfully so. Why would you want a guy around you that will perpetually pine for you and always hope that you eventually change your mind? Guys don't want to be constantly reminded that they didn't bring enough to the table to attract you.

If two members of the opposite sex want two different levels of interactivity with one another, the most rational and logical thing to do is to move on.

3. If you were less attractive, those same women could maintain some smug level of satisfaction amongst themselves that they are superior to you in their own minds. Either way, this is all just female irrationality.

4. Do you believe if you were less attractive, they would automatically be more supportive of the notion that you are capable of succeeding on your own? Or do you think maybe this older generation is used to gender roles prevalent throughout society for pretty much ever while also pointing out that capitalizing on advantages might be a good thing?

5. People make judgments and assume things. If you were less attractive, do you really believe they would assume you were bright? Intellect is proven through dialogue and action. Most people are going to assume you are athletic based on how much perceived exercize it looks like you partake in. Most women are taught to be cautious when alone.

Whether you want to admit it or not, the pros of being attractive far outweigh the cons. You have a much larger pool of potential mates, you are going to be treated like you matter in society, you will garner more respect in general. It increases employment opportunities, etc.

I mean, do you honestly wish you were less attractive? Do you think coming up with a few anecdotal stories will prevent anyone from wishing they were more attractive?

I hope some guy writes a similar list about how tough their life is because they have money.

[samit11]

10000% agree. It doesn't matter how attractive a person is.. Its all about attitude

[Jaded214]

How I feel about this in a nutshell.

[redeyemindtricks]

Well put.

[Anonymous]

I'm not really sure about one, but for the rest, it isn't easy at all being an ugly woman. Men only want to be friends with me because of my looks. There are guys I've really liked, and I always get the: "You're a really nice girl, but I just want to be friends." speech. I have never ever had a relationship. No man has ever asked me out.

Women aren't nicer to me because I am not attractive, a lot look down on me. Guys might not want to date me, but I've had more insults from other women than I ever have from men. I'm a shy woman who basically keeps to myself. So it's not like I go out of my way to be rude to other women. Besides, I've always lived by the rule that you should treat others the way you want them to treat you. Yet, other women don't feel the same way about me.

My sister is probably the worst culprit when it comes to this and I've always been nice to her. I bail her out constantly because she never has money. She'll do whatever it takes to make me feel bad about myself. She once told me that she doesn't actually have to make a lot of money because either I'll help her out, or guys will. When I told her not to expect help from me again, she told me that's why I am an ugly loser who is alone.

Strangers are also usually rude to me too. I've also had people assume I am not bright. I've also been mistake as a guy because my face is masculine. I've had people who actually hate me until they get to know me because of my looks. At my work, we don't know everyone because there are too many people to get to know. There are some people you never talk to. This guy and I ended up having to work with each other. We didn't know each other except by name and sight. After a few days of working together, he told me that he was wrong about me and he didn't hate me anymore. I asked him why he hated me since we'd never talked. He wouldn't tell me, but I found out later from another co-worker who is a friend of mine that it was because he only likes pretty girls.

I told you about my sister, but even my own mother has been rude to me about my looks. She used to get mad at me for looking so much like my father. He died when I was little and she hates him. She never wanted to marry him. Other family members always have said it's a shame I look so much like my father. My sister and I have different fathers, and our family members always tell my mom that she should have married my sisters father instead.

Being ugly isn't easy at all.

[thera]

Girl, I wanna give you a hug. I'm giving you an imaginary internet hug, bc I can't give you one in real life.

[Opinion Owner]

@thera Thanks, I appreciate it.

[Bluemax]

I'm very sorry to hear that, anon. I have a friend with FAS. Much of what you said also applies to him. He has wept openly to me about it.

Tell me, if you don't mind, what about you do you feel is unattractive?

[Opinion Owner]

It's my face. It's all masculine and I even have some hair on my face. I get it waxed regularly but the hair is dark and I'm pale so sometimes I get a shadow. I dress as feminine as possible but that doesn't help. I just get told I look like a man in woman's clothing. I even get mistaken as a guy at times. I've lost track of the amount of times I've been called sir. I get called gross and disgusting and nasty even though I'm clean and I'm well groomed.

[FashionQueen86]

I'm not really sure I see the problem in a few of these, then again, I'm not in your shoes, so I don't know what you're going through.

I find a problem with the first one because they were singling you out based on how you look. What if there's a less attractive woman there that has really huge breasts? What are the odds she can turn a male customer on? Plus, what you wear under your clothes shouldn't be any of their business/concern, unless it really does interfere with dress code. I doubt a bra does. We can't control what a customer thinks of us. The only thing we're responsible for is being nice, having a nice character, and making sure their transactions and other services are properly and professionally handled.

As far as within public, yes, I believe the prettier you are, the more you are preyed on. I can say with experience, I have felt tensed up to walk alone sometimes to the store or gas station. This is not to say I think I'm the most gorgeous girl on the planet. People seem to think if you think of yourself as at least slightly attractive, you're full of yourself. So, it's sad I have to say this. But yes, sometimes you get unwanted attention. But when I was riding the city bus alone after school, I've had some really creepy men really freak me out, especially when they insisted in trying to pursue me when it was clear I wasn't interested. I've had quite a few fearful encounters.

Women, which I can tell from how some have responded to you can be such viscous creatures toward one another, and I can relate. When I'm at the gym and I see a woman who has a nicely toned butt (yet mines is as flat as a pancake) I start wishing I had it for myself, rather than just being content with what I have, becuase I KNOW deep down if she and I were in a butt contest, she'd win becuase nice rounder butts are more desirable, then again, why should I live to please somebody else? If a woman has skinnier arms instead of flappy ones, I'll get jealous. If a woman has no stomach, but I have a belly, I'll get jealous instead of being mostly motivated to workout harder.

I think you're fine where you are. Things could honestly be worse If you were to get in an accident and your face was badly scraped or permanently damaged. There are ups and downs when it comes things such as
1) Being pretty
2) Being ugly
3) Being tall
4) Being short
etc...

I think we all can relate to something.

[MrOracle]

"But I guess the grass is always greener."

That's really the key. If you were "average", you'd complain that you were plain and ignored and never got the attention that the pretty girls got. If you were legitimately ugly, you'd of course complain that you could never get a man, etc.

Everyone - EVERYONE - has upsides and downsides to their appearance, as well as their other characteristics. You can choose either to focus on the negatives, or you can embrace the positives and have such a positive attitude that when the negatives inevitably surface, you are able to assertively dismiss them as being beneath you or irrelevant - or that you feel sorry for the person who has had to stoop to treat you that way.

The choice is yours, but the first way will leave you depressed and miserable, and the second will keep you positive and happy.

I used to be in the first group, but I eventually figured out that it really was a choice, and ever since then, I've been solidly in the second group, and MUCH better off for it.

[btbc92]

Truth to the T! This is exactly me! I try being friends with certain girls and they 'pretend' to like me. But when I attract certain guys and have great conversations with them [no flirting], and I'm just innocently speak with them naturally, they get pissed! And I'm not even interested in these guys like that at all, and they get upset when they like them, but don't ask them out. But when I tell them they need to step up and go do it, they claim they can't because I'm getting the guys attention. I mean, seriously? I didn't ask to be in a love triangle when suddenly the guys supposedly showed interest in me. ) 0. o What did I do? I always asked those questions. Especially with some family members! While those were yours mine were:

"Your such a pretty girl [my name], you should get married."
"How come you don't want to get a boyfriend?"
"YOU DON'T WANT KIDS? But your such a beautiful GIRL!"

Trust me I feel the exact same way. Nobody really wants me for me, even in church nobody paid me any mind. Just because I look 'attractive' to them. I honestly just want to be by myself. I'm tired of hearing everybody else's expectations of what they want me to do. It's taxing, it's draining, and they have no idea how bad your situation is when your looks can either bring about peace or start a war. Like they had described Helen of Troy, they started a whole war over her. Ridiculous. That's when I say: "I just want to be normal." :(

[Lightspeed-Lemon]

You're right, being attractive has disadvantages, just as every condition does. But at the end of the day, you wouldn't trade places with an ugly or average person. Whereas lots of ugly and average people out there would gladly trade places with you, even knowing the disadvantages. It's like when rich celebrities complain about stuff, their complaints are often true. They really are under constant threat of stalking, kidnapping, and invasions of privacy that the rest of us couldn't imagine. But they still would never trade places with an average nobody. It would be pretty easy to do -- just give away most of their money and never do another movie or album again. The rich and famous can always become poor and obscure. Married people can always become single again if they want. But it's often difficult or impossible to go the other way. If you're poor, single, ugly, etc., there may be no way out. So try to focus on the advantages you have because they are considerable. Attractive people tend to make more money, be more successful, get better treatment, and have more doors opened to them. If you could spend a week as an ugly girl or a man, you'd realize this.

Also, you may be judging all guys by the ones who approach you. Guys who would walk up to a gorgeous girl and start chatting her up tend to be pretty cocky and have selected you based on appearance alone. But they don't represent everyone. Maybe you should develop other parts of your personality or get some interesting hobbies to have more to offer as a friend. You can also develop friendships online without giving away what you look like and in that way get to have interactions without your appearance being a factor.

[AriadneSky]

well no one knows anything about anyone until they do. if you want people to think yore not just pretty then be not just pretty unpretty women have the same problem just without being pretty.

the guys who deem you not worth their time for friendship would not seedily be your friend if they were not attracted to you they just never wouldve preemie to like you in the first place.

your family might still say you shoul get a husband but click their tinged bc unfortunately you're not pretty

people who have will hate whether you are pretty or not. its not about you its about their own insecurity. people who are unattractive complain people are mean to them bc of that.

people would still worry about you going out bc w omen get rape whether they are pretty or ugly 15 or 90

people will still be telling you what to wear except the say you shouldn't wear x y z bc you're ugly.

people would still assume you're dumb until proven otherwise, bc believe it or not women are by and large not respected just by the fact they are women.

basically nothing you mention is a probe m bc you are pretty. you're imagining its bc you are pretty bc you are pretty. if you were not pretty you have the same problems but also not be pretty.

this post is more like insight into how attractive people assume they have 'exceptional problems due to being attractive.

[TheINTJ]

:)) Exactly.

[AynonOMouse]

Well, you really would be targeted more to be kidnapped or raped, or whatever if you are pretty because, well though there are some very rare occurrences of rape of an old grandma, it's usually the pretty ones. Well, at least they think they're pretty. So it is less safe.
Me personally, I'm a 6' tall guy that lifts weights and knows martial arts. I still carry weapons with me all the time too. A little paranoid? Yes. Have I ever been in a situation I was unprepared for? No.

The lawyer thing, well they just figure, why try hard, when as a pretty girl, you could have a decent life much more easily than other people.

If you are actually pretty, you wouldn't be a model. Most of those women are ugly and just cake on loads of makeup.

Many pretty women have terrible personalities because they are used to getting things so easily and not having to work for it, so many people that have to work really hard for a long time do resent that.

The work thing just seems very unusual. I would think most businesses wouldn't care and would be glad because it could draw in more customers for more profit.

[Default_Hore]

When it comes to men, if you want a real relationship you can always go online, sure you may not have that much spare time and etc to spend with him or do things with him and you can't bond with him as much, but you wouldn't need to show yourself for a long while to where you would create an emotional bond with him and see if you are truly compatible, and personally when it comes to opening doors I've never checked a girl out while doing it, I'm not sure if it's because It's just something I don't do in general or if it's because I was raised to be polite and hold the door open for people, not just women (Although I do feel the need to do it more for women for some reason)

People automatically assuming you need protection is just the way of the world, that also comes into race as much as it does attraction and gender. People make assumptions about everyone, what they wear/how they dress, how they speak, and what they look like physically. There are pros and cons to being beautiful and not being beautiful or being "ugly" ultimately though, I think most people feel quite alone and as if nobody understands them until they find the one, or somebody they can truly tell anything to without judgment being slammed onto them, which is rare.

I'm sorry you were encouraged to take advantage of people rather than to be able to take care of yourself and be independent and that you were seen in the ways you were seen as but, suppose it's just how people see it now, specially in specific countries. Try to find yourself and be happy with who you are, not with who people tell you who you are or expect you to be a specific way. Very good take though thanks for sharing. <3

[IceCubedude]

Trust you're lucky and many girls wish they were you , it makes life much easier for you and helps you do things other can't, lots of guys will appraoch you and eventually you will find one to settle down with.

as for friendships i have a no friendships with gilrs police i dont have close female friends and iam not interested i get close to a girl for two reasons, relationships or sex, if she's decent and pretty relationships it is if she sleeps around and slutty its sex then , my point in avoid befriending guys it doesn't work someone will always have feelings beyond friendships.

as for your customers and work place... okay this is tricky i feel sometimes that a girl at a store is really nice to me or trying to flirt but i never do anything its her job and she has to be nice so i never think much of it and many guys do think like that, however at the same time if you're as pretty as you are telling us then lots of other guys will be trying to get your number or date you so yes wearing modest clothes is a good idea.

jealousy... yeah happens to guys too

family will always think like that you will probably get married eventually and they want you to get a decent guy , strangers will judge you as well , iknow a girl who must be the most beautiful in the entire college and even city she's simply gorgeous and that does kinda make her automaticaly sound dumb, but i've learned through past experiences that really pretty girls are actually smart most of the time.

[LittleSally]

Great take.
I'd definitely say the grass is always greener on the other side. it's human nature to want what you don't have...
Your problems aren't any less of a problem than anyone else's, they may just be different, but they're still problems.
I'm guessing people don't take these kinds of problems seriously because mostly... they just can't relate - and, as you said - the grass is always greener...

https://i.imgur.com/0nUzGeS.gif

[LittleSally]

P. S. But ask yourself this: does your life, as you're living it now, have more positive things or negative things? If the answer is positive... then you're doing something right.

[CaramelCookie]

memecrunch.com/.../5113a533afa96f1fcd00001e.jpg

Seriously, what was the point of this take?
If you're that concerned about being attractive go and get plastic surgery to get uglier. Jeez#firstworldproblems

[myTake Owner]

How does it possibly make sense in your brain that an anonymous person could be fishing for compliments? #Wow Lol

[Anonymous]

I hear these sorts of comments from pretty young women a lot. They imagine if they weren't going and pretty they'd be appreciated for their potential in other ways.

It's not true.

If you weren't young and pretty, you'd be ignored, like the rest of us are. Nobody would suggest you might be a lawyer unless you were high school valedictorian. Guys would treat you as totally invisible. Everyone would assume you had no talents of any kind until you prove otherwise.

Guys would still be more likely to want to fuck you than date you, in fact, guys are more likely to want an emotional connection and commitment with a pretty girl.

[godfatherfan]

1) men and women are NOT Friends. Cannot be "friends" in the truest definition. Straight men do not want to have women friends. Esp really hot women friends. We are sexually driven. we want to date/have sex with women, not pal around with them. Certainly men and women can be "friendly". Sometimes it is almost the same as being "Friends". but by definition it is nowhere close. Men don't understand women. and from what I can see on this site, women don't seem to understand men. So friends is just not possible. You don't want to fuck your friend.
2) It is impossible to feel sorry for the "Pretty People" of the world. You have it easier then the rest of us. And for the women? Forgetaboutit. it is like the world is handed to you on a platter. I know it isn't that persons fault they won at the gene lottery. But they need to just be thankful and be on their way.

[Transigence]

I've never had a female friend come evac me from the side of a highway at 4:30a.

[Anonymous]

I used to work with a bloke who had women queuing up at his door. With him in mind I mulled the scenario of what it must be like to be attractive. It can't be very pleasant having a constant stream of unwanted attention from unsuitable members of the other gender, or the same gender for that matter; especially when that involves aggressive males. On the other hand, you will be used to it in a way that I can never understand. It will be hard wired in, part of who you are.

The up side of being unbecoming is that you can do whatever the hell you bloody well like, day after day, year after year, while occasionally deflecting the over-enthusiastic friendliness of an elderly lady. This usually involves home baking, so what's not to like.

Beautiful people do not have the best lives.

[datgirl]

Ugh listen hunny if being 'pretty' disturbs you that much there are MILLIONS of ways to make yourself look ugly, but not vice versa. And then you can be happy. So be happy with what you have got cause pretty soon you have won't have it and you'll feel sorry for moping and unecessarily complaining. I do agree with your take a little bit though that if you're attractive people only see that that's the only downside, but it has many positives too so be smart and look at the positive side.

[samhradh_leannan]

There are downsides to every situation, but that doesn't mean you aren't still lucky to be blessed with conventional good looks. I get what you are saying, and I completely understand that those are difficult situations. But dealing with serious insecurities- feeling like you will never be noticed, never be enough, never find someone who will be attracted to you or appreciate you the way you are- that's really tough. Being asked by your boss to wear more clothes, or having annoying people suggest a modeling career- yes, those things are inappropriate and annoying, and I'm sorry that our society has put you in those situations. But if you think it holds a candle to being made fun of for your looks, or crying yourself to sleep because of all the things you hate about your appearance, think again. Nobody has it perfect, but physical attractiveness can open a lot of doors for you.

[samhradh_leannan]

Also, there are lots of extremely attractive women who are also seen as intelligent and capable and are taken very seriously. Maybe it's time for you to think about what YOU can do to change how society perceives you. This isn't just about looks. If you want to be a lawyer, go be a lawyer. Just because nobody steered you down that road, it doesn't mean you can't choose that path for yourself.

[Glue-Sniffer]

Lol... What did I just read there?
Hun, if you feel no one is taking you seriously and you are constantly being preyed on then maybe it's time you reconsider your behavior in public... It doesn't have anything to do with your breathtaking beauty! If you act incompetent then people will suggest you become a secretary. Believe me, no one's gonna suggest you become a lawyer only because your features are not aesthetically pleasing 😏

[Reallio]

s2.quickmeme.com/.../...4749776ad7abb06173cdb5.jpg

[Transigence]

I can't find a belt strong enough to hold my pants up when I'm carrying around my gold bullion! My Bugatti gets TERRIBLE gas mileage! The bathroom is like 350 feet from my bedroom! I have to walk SOOOO FAR and with all that gold bullion in my pockets I get tired!

[Reallio]

@Transigence It takes like 10 MINUTES to put on makeup, and then I have shaky hands so sometimes it takes even longer ;-; I often find myself having to make meals because we don't have snacks ;c It's difficult trying to choose between my Gucci high heels and my Louis Vuitton sneakers in the mornings. GOD it's SO HARD living in a first world country man.

[QuestionMan]

For some reason people don't seem to get that first you like a person for their appearance and then you fall in love with them for their soul. You can't have one without the other.

[bloodmountain1990]

Yep the two go hand in hand. Can't lack one or the other.

[SomeGuy37]

Sorry to hear that things are so hard for you.
My dad used to say that you can always find 'Sympathy' in the dictionary between 'SHT and 'Syphilis'!
Tell me you have something to offer, other than your looks, which will be gone in 15 years, at most!! I need a woman, a companion, that shares interests, feelings, not just some pretty face.
Sorry if that sounds cruel, but everyone at the table has a hand to play, some have nothing others have a Royal Flush. . .

[Bobbyhill1]

not all people age like shit

[ParamountArmada]

well its better to be beautiful than be ugly and be unloved, alone, unwanted, never complimented, and viewed like i have a disease or mental illness.
so.
try being ugly and have no one care that you exist.
your so lucky
your beauty is NOT a burden or curse its a gift.
and guys desire girls, get used to it, id be nice if girls wanted us guys the same way instead of girls being in love with themselves.