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On the Eighth Day, God Created the Bro Code

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On the Eighth Day, God Created the Bro Code

Article I. The Golden Rules

a. On death or injury, clear a bro's search history.

b. If you're lifting with your bro and he has a heart attack, call 911 and add more weights to the bar.

c. If a bro locks eyes with another bro in public and knows the bro, then a head nod upwards is required from both. If two bros lock eyes but do not know each other, it's a downwards nod.

Article II. In Regards to Actions Around Potential Mates

a. You can give a bro as much shit as you want unless a bro is with a girl.

b. Don't date a bro's ex.

c. A bro will never ever get with a bro’s biological mother or sister. Stepsisters and stepmothers are fair game. This article is subject to the All's Fair Clause.

d. Don't throw another bro under a bus to get a girl unless he says you can.

e. Following Article II Subsection D, if a bro asks you if he can throw you under the bus, you bet your ass you're jumping under that goddamn bus.

Article III. Proper Etiquette

a. If a bro’s girlfriend calls you and asks about a bros actions the previous night, (I.e. the bro claimed to be sleeping at a friend’s house) you will always claim that yes he was there and you may even claim he is still there. Studies show that 8 out of 10 bros will do this without thinking. The other 2 bros claimed he was still with them but unavailable to talk.

b. No nut shots, ever.

c. When in a bathroom, use every other urinal

On the Eighth Day, God Created the Bro Code

d.If he's bullshitting to impress a woman you back up his that bullshit to the letter.

e. A bro will never give detail when describing a sexual encounter. Doing so will force your bro to imagine you naked and this is unforgivable. (The most that can be said is "I banged" in which said bro will a receive a "Niceeeee" followed by a fist bump.)

On the Eighth Day, God Created the Bro Code

Article IV. Miscellaneous Bro Codes

a. Bro-mance is allowed but only among your tightest bros. Should a girl comment negatively upon the bro-mance, kindly explain to her that she will never know love from a man such as you and your bros share. And let her know what a privilege it is to be a mere witness to your glory.

b. The only time that cockblocking is condoned by the bro code is when the designated cockblocker has viable reasons to stop a bro from hooking up with a girl.

c. The bro who owns the console is ALWAYS player 1.

d. Dibs will be honored fiercely. In terms of who gets the girl(in the case of both bros meeting her at the same time), last slice of pizza or last bottle of beer.

On the Eighth Day, God Created the Bro Code
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