Where Should We Go?

I can no longer sit back and look at the Reality Check section quietly.

This is absolutely mind boggling to me. There was a time when I came on this site, and for the most part, girls age 18-25 got the idea of how the first set of dates with their chosen partner should flow so that rapport can be built.

There are many activities a couple can do in life, but there are a few that they should avoid until their connection is formed and in place.

Let's discuss the places that you shouldn't go until you're past date number three (at least).

1) Movies

I cannot believe how many times girls on this site are suggesting this now. It's really out of control.

Before any girls (or guys) start tapping their keyboard, think about it for a second.

In a movie, what is the universal rule? Quiet. That means that you're both in a place for three hours where you can't communicate. That's a total waste of everyone's time on a first, second or even third date.

In any first encounter with another person, the two people have to be able to openly communicate to find common ground, establish trust (Albeit a small amount), learn how to communicate with one another, and to develop a pattern of interaction.

You can't do this at a movie theater, period.

2) Concerts

OK, I give you credit for suggesting something social. And bonding with someone over music is a pretty strong route to go. Music is great at breaking down stereotypes, assumptions, and other things that can get in the way of two people being about to speak with one another.

However, concerts are a horrible place for first dates. And really, this isn't something you should be doing until you've established a strong amount of trust with the person you're dating anyway.

Concerts are full of loud music, rude people, loose rules, and more outer stimuli than a Fourth of July extravaganza. While some communication can occur at concerts, for the most part, not enough to be meaningful. Again, in dating, your goal is to establish a connection with the person. You're wanting to reach a point where the two of you can read the other person and know what is going on. This is where trust is built.
"When dating, your goal is to establish a connection with the person."


More and more, concerts have staff that are not really following the facility policies very well, and as such many people around you are going to be taking drugs. Not to sound like an old man, but consider the situation. You're trying to learn about someone and all of a sudden a cloud of pot consumes the oxygen around you. Not to say you'll get high, but think how much of a distraction that is.

And that's just one distraction at a concert. Add in all the other things going on, and you'll never reach a good level with that person.

3) Anything that specific to one person, that the other person knows nothing about

Later in a relationship, this scenario is fantastic, because it builds off of the trust established in the first "round" of dating. After you've dated someone several times, you can start to branch out and show them more things that are of interest to one or the other.

But in those first few dates, it can be a real pitfall. For example, I'm a hockey player. I thoroughly enjoy ice skating. I would NEVER in my life take a girl to skate on our first several dates, and that is because I don't want to put her in the awkward position of me excelling at the chosen activity, and her struggling. For one, that will lead to frustration, and two, if I don't respond to her needs in the situation right away, I'll look like a jerk.
Gogus olculeri

Now in the example I gave, you might say "Well what if you're helping her down the ice, isn't that responsive?" It is, but it may not be ALL the response she requires, and she may not be willing to tell me ALL her needs, because we don't have an adequate base of trust developed. Further, if I am completely unresponsive, because I'm enjoying myself, I've now taken all attention away from the person I'm with, and I've alienated the person I'm on a date with.

Conclusion

In those first several dates, it is imperative that both people focus on the person in front of them, and not get carried away with other things, distractions, interests, etc. If you make those beginning date experiences enjoyable, while maintaining attention on the other person, you will find that you succeed far more with the person you want to be with than you will not.

Good luck!
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What Girls Said 5

  • I don't think movies are bad idea for shy people. You get to spend time getting used to each other's company without feeling pressured to talk. later you have a neutral subject to talk about while you take a walk after the movie.

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  • Excellent article! I totally agree! especially with the movies thing...frankly it just makes things both awkward because there is waaaaaay too much tension during the movie, and afterward its awkward about who talks first etc...i reckon the best thing for a first date is something that isn't oo intimate or intense, just a way to get to know someone in a fun way...a walk in the park, bowling, art gallery for something different, or even something random like going opp-shopping...all good things :)

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  • What about watching a movie at someone's home together?

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  • I somewhat agree.

    My first date with my boyfriend was at the movies, but we'd been with each other at school enough to have broken the ice.

    I do see why people go to the movies, it seems cheaper than a theme park, especially for the younger couples. I spend between $40-60 at a theme park and a tops of $25 at the movies, and with a $10 per hpur job, it just seems easier.

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  • I like this. I've also never understood why people went to movies on first dates because I couldn't understand how that would make you two closer and want to go out again. Good three points. Now I'm just wondering, where do amusement parks fall?

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What Guys Said 5

  • That is different because people are more free to talk. However, how often does one take someone straight to their house during those first dates?

    I would argue that it's not as common as going out publicly.

    You can do it fur sure, but most people are not comfortable with bringing people back to their place right away.

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  • It shouldn't be about money. If you are in a lower wage job, then keep your dates reasonable. No one is promoting on option over the other, other than to say there are some that for a first date, or even the second, third and fourth, are not a good choice at all.

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  • Yes, very true.

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  • Ok now that you've told us where not to go by your standards -what are good places to go?

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  • Good question.

    I think amusement parks are a decent pick. Not necessarily the best, but that one, along with others that may seem controversial, really come down to the two people that are venturing out.

    If two people are extroverted, it may make sense to go to an amusement park on a first date. Granted, much more than personality would go into that decision, but you get the idea.

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