1. When I get behind an elderly driver
I assume at some point I'm gonna be following a turn signal for 30 minutes to an hour, And at 20 mph below the speed limit.
2. When I see a woman driver
I assume she's fixing to kill my ass and everyone else on the road with her crazy female driving............
I actually found a scientific chart to back this one up, Though.
3. When someone's using the urinal next to me in a public restroom
I assume they are gonna try to look at my pecker.
4. When it comes to public toilets
I assume the people who used it before me have left enough bacteria on the toilet seat to eat my asshole away in about 2.5 seconds after I sit down :(
5. When I see a user online from the East coast
I assume they look like rejected extras from the Sopranos or a low budget rap video, And that they are gonna be ass-dicks about everything.
6. When I see a user from the West coast
I assume (hope) she is a blonde chick with big tits and a fake tan.
And that she surfs and does porn.
7. If a woman agrees to go out on a date
I assume she wants to have sex afterward.
8. If a woman gives a blowjob
I assume she's gonna swallow.
I grab the back of her hair and push her head down, Anyways. Just in case :)
9. If a woman has a big, bouncy ass
I assume she's an expert dick rider.
10. If I see a woman standing on a street corner
I assume she's a hooker.
11. If I meet someone from Australia
I assume they are an alcoholic.
12. If I meet someone from Europe
I assume they are going to be an asshole.
13. If I hear someone laughing hysterically at a Kevin Hart movie or comedy routine
I assume they are getting paid to do it.
That dude is just not funny............
14. If I see a woman who owns a large dog
I assume she's into bestiality.
15. When I get an IM outta the blue from a woman telling me how hot, lonely, and horny she is.
I assume it's a scam bigger than hell.
............JK about a lot of these