The Night I Finally Decided to Get Help

I've been in a bad place recently. I spent the night at the hospital last night because I was suicidal but I'm still breathing and I'm still flying.

I don't really know how it happened but last night I was at the very end of my rope. I was ready to do it and end it but through a series of events I'd rather not get into as they are actually embarrassing, even for this (it did involve a police wellness check and to that officer I am eternally grateful), I ended up in a hospital.

A room a whole hell of a lot like that one.

I couldn't sleep all night.

I spent most of the night laying in bed eavesdropping on the nurses talking at the desk about 20 feet away (I've got fucking awesome hearing). It wasn't that their conversation was about me. It wasn't. It was about cars; a nurse was looking for a new car and the whole night they talked about where to buy, and their car experiences (one particular nurse once had a broken tail light and got pulled over three times in one day by three different cops in her town).

Last night I realized I was still breathing. I'm going to get help. I can't do this by myself. I do that and I lose. Its not being strong to just lay down and die all by yourself. Its not being strong to not talk to someone because you find it awkward. So that's what I did, I'm getting help.


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What Girls Said 26

  • 1mo

    I'm really happy that you're seeking help, it takes a lot of strength to open up and admit that you need it, and to allow other people in. I really hope you find happiness and peace throughout this experience.

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  • 1mo

    I'm happy for you. I'm glad that you're finally getting help and hope things get better

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  • 1mo

    I've been where you are. I'm so sorry, it's an awful place to be in, but I know you can get through it. Hopefully this is the turning point for you.
    I'm sending hugs to you (if you like hugs lol).
    Best of luck, and thank you for sharing.

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  • 1mo

    This was a great read I'm glad you got help. Best of luck to you and hope you can recover from this.

    I've been suicidal recently too, and if it gets too much to handle I will check myself into the hospital too...

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  • 1mo

    I love you @Waffles731 ! Even more than pancakes!

    Nyuck nyuck, see what I did there? Hahahaha

    Seriously though, good for you for getting help. I wish more people who were in your position would do it. Message me when you need anything. You're not allowed to leave me!

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  • 1mo

    Good luck! And well done for getting help, I'm glad you didn't go through with it <3

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  • 7d

    nice*

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  • 1mo

    Finally 🙏🏽 Im so happy for you though to take the step.
    I don't know how many times Im gonna tell you this lol but always remember to try to surround yourself with positive people as much as you can and get rid of toxic people who bring you down because its absolutely vital to your recovery. I tried getting help from a psychiatrist while I was still stuck with the toxic people around me and I ended up thinking getting help isn't getting me anywhere but after the toxic people were gone I knew what was preventing me from going forward (even though she was my best friend).

    And the amount of people I've spoken to who rolled their eyes to me about getting help, saying they have gotten help but never actually got rid of the people who keep them from recovering so they brush off the help as pointless.

    Hope you'll recover well ❤️ Things will get better. I know Im out of it now and never been happier. I think you'll find your way eventually too.

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  • 1mo

    sometimes, being strong means setting aside your pride and asking for help when you need it.

    i lost a friend to suicide, and i can't tell you how relieved i am to hear that you're getting help; be strong and brave always.

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  • 1mo

    I'm so glad that you didn't follow through with it and are now seeking help maybe that coo was your guardian angel but regardless of that you're still here today and what could be better 😊

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  • 1mo

    hope you get better soon

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  • 1mo

    I am so happy that you are getting the help you need.

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  • 1mo

    The hardest part of getting well is getting started with the right treatment. It sounds like you've passed that point. I think you're going to make it.

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  • 1mo

    Dying is easy, living is harder. I'm glad you made the right choice pal 🌹❤️❤️

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  • 1mo

    I'm so pleased you went to the hospital for extra help and support. Good luck with your programme. 💗

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  • 1mo

    This actually made me cry... I'm so happy you've decided to get help. It starts with you accepting you need help and that's exactly what you've done. Please stick at it even although it might get difficult at times. Even just a chat with a friend or relative can lift your spirits in the darkest times. I wish you the best of luck

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  • 1mo

    You are not alone. Nearly everyone feels that way at some point, and those who say they don't are either in denial or are just bottling up their emotions. If you don't allow yourself to feel, you aren't truly living. And living takes courage. There is so much to explore in this world--please don't leave it just yet.

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  • 1mo

    Kudos to you ☺ you've just done two of the harder things in life. Admitting you can't do it alone AND doing something about it!

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  • 1mo

    I'm so sorry to hear you were in an awful place. But I'm glad to hear that you were able to get help. I hope you start feeling better soon! It's okay to ask for help when you need it, nothing to be ashamed of at all. We all need a helping hand sometimes or even just an ear willing to listen.

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  • 1mo

    Good job. It takes a big and strong man to recognize he can't do it alone. You're on the right path my friend.

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What Guys Said 17

  • 1mo

    I am happy that you were strong enough to receive help. Sometimes the right thing to do is in fact acknowledge that you cannot pull yourself up by your own bootstraps. I am not one to give advice, especially given that I have contemplated suicide on multiple occasions and was in fact hospitalized for it once. But if there is one thing I would tell you, it is that you must think of yourself and yourself alone. Until you learn to be at peace with who you are, and do what makes YOU happy, you will never truly be content.

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  • 1mo

    http://i.imgur.com/aE91vNs.png But Good For You Dude!

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  • 1mo

    Well, I never went far enough in school (a BA in psychology is nigh-on meaningless) to really offer any help. On top of which, of what little I do know about depression, I know most advice comes across as hollow and maybe even selfish (those suffering from depression often think those trying to help are only trying to "be good people," i. e., more for themselves than for the victim).

    All I can say is I'm glad you've resolved to push forward. And I'm NOT just saying this to get more myTakes for GaG ( ;) ) but writing can be extremely therapeutic. Any way of expressing yourself is a positive thing in your condition. :)

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  • 1mo

    Thank God you're still alive get into a relationship with God he will show you the way and you will have peace in your life, you'll get past this

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  • 1mo

    I got help when I realized [insert religious crap].

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  • 1mo

    Real good shit bro. You're a good kid, smart dude with a lot going for you. Get your mind right then go crush it out there in the world👊

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  • 1mo

    I agree with you, man. When we're beaten to the ground, it might be hard to get up, and we might think that we're alone in that darkness and might not always see that there are people who can help us out, a light.
    Reading this reminded me of me in my depression, it made me teary eyed, not going to lie here. It's heartwarming to hear that you found that light.

    It takes a strong will , a strong person to keep on fighting, to realize that you can't beat it on your own. You keep on fighting, man. My prayers are with you

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  • 1mo

    Good luck, I'm happy for you.

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  • 1mo

    You did the right thing, man. I'm glad that you've finally decided to get help. I wish you nothing but the best, man. Stay strong!

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  • 1mo

    I'm glad you're alright now, and I hope it will get better in time, good luck.

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  • 1mo

    Fantastic take - My thoughts are with you buddy - Articles like this are great for raising awareness, mental health issues are real - Walk a mile in their shoes and see how strong you have to be to face them - Be well, the darkest hour is always before the dawn.

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    • 1mo

      Thank you,
      Though I do wonder why a guy went around downvoting every opinion on this take

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    • 1mo

      Good man - Keep thinking good thoughts

    • 1mo

      Haha I was thinking that ship in the 1st picture looked like the "Serenity". xD And glad to see that you got help, man.

  • 1mo

    At least you got the help.

    I can't :( We don't have such services here.

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  • 1mo

    Sad that yes. You seem like an intelligent person. Im glad if you are finally getting help, which nothing to be ashamed of. Think I waited too long myself, but didn't feel like had really anywhere to seek it either where I was. Maybe wouldn't struggle so much today if I done it earlier. In either case, everyone needs help really. world is pretty cruel and cold at times. Struggled with suicidal thoughts since I was 10 really, so yeah is not easy no doubt.

    Gotta just take one step at the time, one day at the time. The worse it is, the less ahead should think really. Sometimes a day is too much too, then maybe an hour, minute or second if need it. It would suck anyway if ended up dying right before everything got better. Gota live to see tomorrow. Or well what I tell myself, try to anyway. I do think regardless that good people struggle coping with this world, cause its not good. We care how people should care, we do what is right for others, even when nobody does right for us. Practically impossible to be intelligent and not depressed really.

    Either way, point is. The world needs you, no matter if you realise it or not. It needs the people who been through hell to show them what is the correct way. You have so much good and positive to add into it. Worth saving you know. Try to remember that.

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  • 1mo

    im just glad your finally getting help
    Good luck

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  • 1mo

    Glad to hear you're feeling better. Yes, being taken away in a police car is humiliating and many hospital crisis wards are dumps (or worse), but you've turned the most important corner of your life.

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    • 1mo

      I didn't expect it but the Billerica PD must have had SOME training in dealing with people like me because as long as I went voluntarily, my parents were allowed to drive me.

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    • 1mo

      @SovereignessofVamps Mental Health and the related support services are chronically underfunded. So many people could lead a much happier life if support was more readily available and free. Many homeless have mental illnesses or addictions. It is heartbreaking to see how little society at large understands about it and the stigma that is attached to it.

    • 1mo

      That just sounds disgusting to me. Like people who need help have none o f it, but $ is wasted by the gov all the time... I had no idea things could be that bad, so thanks for telling me.

  • 1mo

    i wish you best of luck man. i hope you get well soon.

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