No one will be the same person they were yesterday let alone two years ago. If you are open minded and accept the opportunities to learn, you will be a changed person every day.
When I was three or four, I never spoke and I never ate. I was in pre-school (a grade that comes before kindergarten). I was skinny and quiet but I was mostly a happy child. I never really talked to any other kids but when I did, I made one good friend. I never judged and I was never judged. I was just another child.
When I was seven or so, I began to gain weight. I talked more – in fact I never shut up. People began to judge me for not being like them and that’s when the bullying started. I had my books though so I read constantly, all the time.
I’d walk in the hallways during class changes with my nose buried in the pages of a book. Not only did that give them more reason to judge me but it was novels such as Stephen King, I didn’t even read children’s books.
As I grew older I thought I was awesome. Throughout middle school and all of the bullying, I still thought I was an awesome person and I loved myself. I never bothered for trying to get a boyfriend like a lot of girls did then, even though I did have crushes. I was bullied so no one liked me except for the other people who were bullied. I had my books so it didn’t matter. Towards the end though I began to hate myself and I developed depression.
My dad didn’t believe me on how sad I was and he didn’t care so he never took me to get anti-depressants or to see a therapist.
As most of you know there was the time he physically abused me although he was almost always manipulative and emotionally abusive he got worse. So at 13, 14, 15 I was underweight and depressed and suicidal.
I was writing since I was 12 so that was the only thing I had left at that point to give me any sort of comfort until I got a cat and he helped me. I was an attention seeker, I sought approval from everyone and I was a pushover.
I hate admitting this but I did send naked photos to many people whenever I was single. I did cheat on my first boyfriend IRL (He was manipulative, controlling and WAY too jealous but that’s another story). I never cheated on another real-life partner although I was still attention seeking.
I “dated” many guys and a few girls (I’m kinda picky about my girls) online and I did cheat on one or two of them but that’s just cause I never took those relationships seriously.
I was a bad person for that, but at that time I just didn’t see anything wrong with it (Don’t give me shit, I hate myself for it).
This was me from two, three years ago. Attention seeking, depressed, naïve. I took two online relationships seriously, one was with a best friend (female) and another was with the guy who broke my heart.
I believe I wrote about him in a past mytake. The girl and I are still friends, and I hate the guy who hurt me because a part of me will always love and remember him. Also, another story.
Once I left my “father’s” house and moved in with my mother, I was still a bit of that person (that’s when I dated those two people – at separate times).
I just never cheated on anyone in the past two ish years, and I was still depressed and I also developed social anxiety because of it. A therapist even told me I was right in saying I had depression and anxiety (she said it was called “situational depression” though) and I am not depressed 24/7 (that doesn’t mean just being sad) but I do go through fits of depression now and then.
Now, in my senior (last year) of high school, I am not that person anymore. I am not a people-pleaser/pushover as I once was, although I do try to still make people happy. I used to be a therapist to everyone back then too, but now I realize I cannot help anyone else if I do not take care of myself too.
I am guarded now, as you can imagine why, but I am no longer as naïve or blind to the world. I realize now, I do not need the approval of anyone but myself! Now I know that I must find someone to love me for my heart, for once they love my heart they will love everything about me.
I am loyal as can be and I am working on having my middle school mentality- that I am fucking awesome! I am working out, even though I hate it, I’m making myself have a better diet and I am trying a lot harder in school so I don’t procrastinate.
Just because someone knew me from two years ago does not mean they know me now. I think of everyday as a learning opportunity. Every day is a new day for me to expand my mind and my knowledge. I am not the person I once was and I hopefully never will be again.
Anyone can change, but it is not overnight. Change takes time and time needs patience. If you really want to be a new person, dedicate yourself. I promise, it is worth it.
I'd add more photos to help break up the text but my phone won't let me. I'm sorry.
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