It know that it sounds cheesy, but I think that I’ve finally started to realize something that people have been trying to tell me for years. Obtaining happiness within has finally started to click for me. It’s been said before, but I wanted to put it down in words here, so I won’t forget it, and I can look back on it later.
For a long time, I’ve been looking for something (sometimes even someone) to make me happy. Looking back on it, I’m starting to realize that I didn’t need anyone else or something else to make me happier. I was looking to the world outside of myself to feel better about myself on the inside. That’s not fair to other people. That’s not even fair to me.
When I was younger, I looked for some sort of happiness or validation in a lot of things. I tried escaping into other worlds through the books I read, through the fantasy worlds that I wove in my head. None of that’s inherently wrong. I think I did that to escape reality, though. I wanted to get away from the world, because I didn’t feel understood or appreciated. I didn’t feel like anyone noticed me and saw or cared that I felt like I was struggling.
I’ve dealt with an anxiety disorder and suicidal thoughts since I was in middle school. For most of my life, I’ve been looking for something or someone to help me feel better. I never stopped to think that it wasn’t out there. It was within me the whole time. I’d read books and seen films and other things that alluded to that. Somehow, though, it didn’t sink in until a few days ago.
Intellectually speaking, I understood the concept of trying to be a better person for its own sake. However, it still didn’t really click—until I realized something. I realized that other people and things outside of me and my control weren’t responsible for my happiness.
If I was unhappy, it had a lot to do with me. If it did have something to do with someone else, then I decided to have that person in my life and let whatever they’d done or said affect me. It took me a while to accept that. It took me a while to sort through events from my childhood and, more recently (clearly), my early adulthood. I’m still sorting through all of this. In the end, though, the truth I’ve come to for myself is that I don’t need to look outside anymore.
I’m looking inside myself and working on myself. I’m looking inside and considering the issues that I have there, so I can finally accept my flaws and become the best version of myself that I can be.
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A very nice mytake. Very good and very motivational.
Very good.:)