Picture this: your significant other is in a terrible accident. S/he survives, but with various injuries, and well-meaning friends or relatives try to comfort you by saying that "it could have been soooo much worse! At least s/he didn't die!"
Chances are that the person saying this means well and doesn't realize just how condescending that comment is. And, if you call that person out, it makes you look like an ass . But I wouldn't blame you if you did, and here's why:
Back in February, I shattered my ankle in 3 places. I had surgery, stayed in the hospital for 5 days, and spent 8 weeks in a cast (lime green, of course). I couldn't go to work or school, dress myself, or even shower, for months and have been in constant pain since my operation.
All things considered, I've been trying to stay positive about the whole ordeal. But I sometimes feel guilty for reading and playing Fallout for 13 hours a day while my husband is out working or running errands... and don't get me started on how depressing it is to be stuck indoors when it's nice out.
I see pictures on social media of all the cool things my friends are doing without me, and I get frustrated because I could be out there with them, if not for all of this.
We’re taught that our suffering is less than everyone else’s, and that we should be grateful because "it could have been worse". Am I glad that it was my ankle that shattered, rather than my neck or something? Sure. But that doesn't mean that what happened to me wasn't dreadful, nor does it give anyone the right to undermine my experience, and the same goes for whatever predicament you may find yourself in.
Yes, it could have been worse. But I'm sick of hearing it and, frankly, I don't care.
If you're trying to cheer up or comfort someone, please refrain from using those words. Trust me when I say that s/he already knows that and probably wants to punch you in the throat for minimizing what s/he is going through.
(But it could have been worse, you say? Please, tell me how life’s all butterflies and rainbows because I only punched you in the throat instead of ripping out your spleen with my bare hands.)
Do no harm, and take no shit.
-von
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