Things I Do That Are Hindering Me From Being Truly Happy

Belliebella

I have always felt like my life has been missing something as long as I can rememeber. It has been things regarding dating, friends, school and work, but the older I got the more i realised my life isn't as "bad". I realised everyone has issues and even people who come across as if they have "everything" can still have issues. Im more happy with myself and my life now, but I recognize I do things that is hindering me in truly being happy with myself.

1. I compare myself with others.

I do this a lot, and it has played a huge role in me feeling for along time that I'm not good enough. This especially applied (and still kinda does) a role when it came to dating. I have never had a boyfriend nor seriously dated anyone, for I felt like it was because it was something "wrong" with me. I was either too unattractive or I wasn't interesting enough. As I got older I realised that I play a huge role when it comes to guys approaching me too. Being extremly shy and having a resting bitchface is obviously going to effect the way a lot of people see me. After dating a bit, I realised dating is a numbers game and if you find someon who you click with it's often down to pure luck. Even though I know this, I do beat myself up for "failing" in dating.

Things I Do That Are Hindering Me From Being Truly Happy

2. I care too much what other people think.

I'm not necessarily the person who always needs people's aproval to do something, but if things don't fit the ideal I want to present to people, it's easly for me to feel ashamed. I dont take a lot of room at all, I'm not terrible glad in a lot of attention. I'm polite, I smile and laugh a lot, and come across as a hardworking person. For a long time I felt like I had to live up to this persona, even though I knew I didn't only get A's and B's (people would say "you only get A's andf B's right?"). So whenever I did something that contradicted this put together and smart person I felt shameful and like a failure. I still do this to this day, but not as much as in high school. But when I do get a bad grade, I'm usually more worried about people finding out rather than the bad grade itself. I recently actually failed an Exam and the thought that someone in my course would find this out was so stressful for me. I'm currently just admitting to it and not trying to hide and just dealing with it. People usually dont give a crap.

Things I Do That Are Hindering Me From Being Truly Happy

3. I don't see my own accomplishments as valuable or important.

I have been insecure pretty much my whole life and making friends has been very difficult, and is a little even today. I'm a lot more outgoing and confident now than I have ever been and I try to always challenge myself to evolve and become the person I feel I want to be. I can make friends, but it's usually very limitied to one or two people. It just takes a lot of time for me to be comfortable with myself, hence comfortable with other people. I have come such along way from just a year ago, but I have issues giving myself creds for it, there is always this little part of me who says "you should've gotten a better grade", "you have been living here for so long , you should've made more friends by now" or "you should be in better shape". I try to steer away from those thoughts, but progress is slow so I guess it is easier to see how long I have left rather to see how far I have actually come. I have issues feeling like I'm good enough, like I haven't accomplished enough.

Things I Do That Are Hindering Me From Being Truly Happy

I know that most of this is in my head and doesn't necessarily represent the reality and how people see me, but old habits die hard. Just admitting and writing down my issues is a type of "therapy" I guess. Personally when I do see a take or a question about people's struggle it makes me feel less stressed because I don't feel like such an outcast in a way. So I'm hoping this might help someone else.

Things I Do That Are Hindering Me From Being Truly Happy
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