Autism and Bullying: My Life Story

Autism aka Autism Spectrum Disorder.

It comes in so many shapes and forms. But that's not what i wanna talk about.
I wanna talk about how much this has effected me throughout my life.

I have always been bullied from an age of 7 till 21 years old. The reasons they used where simply cuz I was "different". I didn't behave myself as the rest did, I had a different view on certain stuff. When someone would keep their mouth shut to not hurt someone, I was the 1st to almost SHOUT it out. Did I want that to happen? No, not at all. But I couldn't do a thing about that. I didn't have that filter (as people wanna call it) like the rest of the kids.

I needed structure in life. When there was chaos going on and I had no structure. Oh boy, you'd better run at that point, I would act out so badly. Looking back for me is hard though. I for one can't remember anything from my childhood up till 16 years old (just glimpses). I blocked it all out purely cuz of bullying that happened. I chose this because it was having a huge impact on my mental state at the time. Life has put me down so many times and yet so many times I managed to crawl back up.

I tried to make something out of my life even though my autism would cause problems throughout it.

Problems with other people (friends), problems with co-workers, problems with bosses, they all happened. I lost my job? I learned why. I lost a friend? I learned as to why I lost him/her. I couldn't work together with that person as I should? I learned what caused it.

The thing that eventually put me in a hole again was when I saw how much I had to change and how much I still have to change in order to fit in, or to be part of it. I lost myself along the way and now I often think back to a point as to where I was a happy young fellow (as happy as I could be at the time). Where did that person run off to? It's hidden somewhere, and I'm hoping I will refind that person eventuallly :).

I've always been a lone wolf or ended up getting kicked out of the pack. Friends come and go, but true friends will have your back. But what if i told yah, the only 2 remaining TRUE friends are autistic as well? Sadly it's hard to have a grown up talk with them due to it. It took me 24 years to finally decide i can't go on like this, at age 22 I eventually hit rock bottom (depression). It opened my eyes. It made a lot of stuff clear to me. I have to get out of my room again (I became a shut in over time).

But even though all this happened, I'm still happy as to how far I've come in life and I'm starting to re-find that goal in life again. Due to sitting at home and being a shut in and a scooter accident I'm having chronic back pains. Due to getting bullied I have a huge amount of fear. At the end of 2015 I made the 1st steps to start and recover from these issues. My pain rehabilitation is gonna start soon. I'm starting to get out of the house more. My money issues have been somewhat resolved for the time being (no i'm not currently working). I can finally start focusing on the future again.

My eyes are set on creating a future for myself and hopefully eventually also for a partner in life.

I wanted to share my story with the world (in this case you people here from GaG :D).

And somewhat I hope it will give certain people a bit of strength :3.

My name is Mark and this is my story.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • 6d

    It can be tough and I know what you mean about hypersensitivity and struggling to get and then keep work.
    If you can make something furniture , 3d models , games etc and get a relative or company or something to handle the marketing/selling part for you that could create work that you can keep doing.

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    • 6d

      Thats something i'm trying anyway.
      Blender for 3d modeling
      Unity game development
      Android SKD for app development
      Github for a free to host personal static website can find some free templates online to make the design side easy.
      OBS for doing silent devlopment videos to show my work.
      Blender again for editing videos.

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    • 6d

      atm the government is paying me a monthly amount so that i can focus on my health. So i don't have to look for a job for at least a year right now. the biggest issue right now is that i can't get myself motivated to like go and work out or anything else really. i've improved but it's still there and that's a bit part of depression. just no energy for it at certain points. But i do see what you mean. Using the qualities that i have to find something (work in this case) that will support me.

    • 5d

      If you can find a group with a good atmosphere that might help motivation?
      Maybe look for autism charities in your area.

      If you start to develop a skill or strong interest and feel able depending on where you think you are on the spectrum then mabey community groups around that skill or strong interest would help keep you motivated.
      Social interaction is a lot harder and I often burn out after about 3 hours in a good environment but you still want to avoid isolation ideally if you can find a supportive environment it should help.
      I go to a Makerspace near me (fixing making and programing things) and I find the pepole there are more understanding than most. One of the others I think has traits of asperges as well.
      I find working on some of the projects with them helps keep me motivated.
      there's also possibly
      http://wrongplanet.net/
      An autism specific forum and pepole there may have more advice as well.

Join the discussion

What Girls Said 4

  • 6d

    All the best to you. I am used to autistics. My brother is one, and I really enjoy their company. They are fascinating people. They tell you what everyone else won`t, and I find that refreshing.

    Yes, they might bring out what`s negative at times, but the world is negative too, and there is no avoiding that.

    Keep fighting, you`re the true def of a hero and I believe you`ll get far.

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    • 6d

      When you grow up with a family member that has forms of autism it is indeed easier to create a different point of view. Outsiders who have not been in touch or just don't wanna be in touch with autism think very much differently. they judge from their own perspective and that's simply cuz they don't understand or don't wanna understand. If i had a euro for every person who said "it's simply a label and nothing more" or "it's all in ur head and your making it up" i'd probably had a much easier life xP.

  • 6d

    I honestly think autism is pretty fucking awesome. Not really sure why. I think your brain is unique and you can see and feel life in such a way that others can't.

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    • 6d

      True i'm more sensitive to a lot of stuff and i pick up a lot more things.
      sometimes i can't handle crowded spaces purely cuz i see to much, it drains so much energy away.

      and i'm not saying it's all negative :).

  • 6d

    I'm really happy that you're fine now. Every person fights at a moment of his/her life. And you're not strange, you are unique

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  • 5d

    wish you happiness in life

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What Guys Said 5

  • 2d

    Funnily enough, I had the exact same problems and I just want to say that smoking cannabis helped me tremendously to improve both social skills and coping skills in general.

    Controversial advice, I'm sure, but I can't lie and say it didn't magically change my life and make all my problems 50x easier to deal with, because guess what, IT DID.

    Maybe it will for others, or maybe not, but I know you can't tell how marijuana effects you by seeing how it effects other people, and you sure can't tell how it effects you from hearing somebody describe it.

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    • 1d

      been there done that, didn't like it ;P.
      as for making it all a bit easier, alcohol mostly has the same effect.
      BUT still ain't gonna use alcohol as a resolve ^^

      but thanks for the the response :).

    • 1d

      I don't think alcohol increases your empathy quotient.

  • 6d

    I'm glad you're fighting back, and not letting this thing beat you. I hope you are happier in the future. By the way, my name is Mark also. I had a pretty crappy life growing up, but I triumphed over a lot of issues, and I'm in a better place now.

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  • 3d

    Nice take. I'm glad you're doing well and have overcome the past struggles. Austism doesn't stop someone from being an awesome person like yourself bro.

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  • 14h

    Wish you all the best

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  • 1d

    I have an severely autistic sister but she acts like an adorable toddler as she's always affectionate towards me and my parents. I rather have her than an annoying bitchy neurotypical sister.

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