Why You Shouldn't Be Surprised People Seek Approval

Why You Shouldn't Be Surprised People Seek Approval

I noticed people on here complain when people ask questions that seem approval seeking of their looks and personality, which there are many of. That's the big complaint that there's too many and it happens too often. I always wonder why people seem so shocked and surprised by these type of questions. With the world in which we live in, is it really that big of a shocker? I personally, don't think so. So, I've complied a list of reasons why it's not that surprising (at least from my perspective).

1) The Preference List: I think the BIGGEST reason people seek approval is because of the infamous preference list. See people think this list is a good thing, when really it's bad thing (or it can be). I think it's good to have a mental note of what you do or don't want. What you can or can't put up with and how you do and don't want to be treated. However, most list's aren't like that. I mean when a guys height and a woman's choice in cinema, is on the list. You know there's a flaw in the system. Thus why SO many people ask questions about what the opposite gender likes, because they're insecure that they're not good enough to make the list. That is the biggest reason people ask these questions, because they just want to know they're good enough (hopefully, as they are), to make someones list.

2) We're Too Damn Superficial: People put a lot of merit on looks when dating and even in long term relationships. It seems to be something that reins grand supreme in this world of ours. People will always justify why looks is number one on their list by saying "you have to be physically attracted to the person", I suppose that does help. However, looks aren't everything and they don't last forever. So, when someone ask's a question about how they look, it stems from fear and insecurity. They want to know if the way they look is going to be good enough to get them a date or not. In world so superficial making looks the end all be all of everything, these questions shouldn't surprise anyone.

3) Because We're A judgmental World: Everyday someone is getting judged or picked on for something and it's easy to say "ignore it, they don't matter". But, it does matter. When you hear something enough times by enough people, it starts to become your truth and you become insecure about yourself and your life. And, if you don't have a lot of support or you feel alone, it can make things worse. So, you start to wonder if there's ever going to be even one person who won't judge you and take you as you are. Most of these questions come from insecurity from people who have been picked on or judged unfairly. So, in a world that is so judgmental is it really so shocking for them to ask if there's one person one day who won't judge them?

4) Because No One Likes Different: People don't like people that are not like them, that's why people judge people in the first place. People fear different. So, the best way for people reject what they don't understand is to make fun it. Because, it's easier then trying to understand it or worse be that one person to stand out from the crowd and separate themselves from the pack. So, for people that are naturally different they wonder if they can ever be accepted. Because, can a person who's different really be accepted in world where being your own person isn't acceptable to most?

5) Because We Have Warped View On Love: Nobody really comprehends what love is. If they did, they wouldn't be out the door the first time something goes wrong. Every little thing in this day and age is a reason for people to either break up or divorce. It seems to be people's most go to solution. I mean, if you really loved someone it wouldn't be so easy for you to pack up and leave them. It's this warped view of love that leaves people questioning themselves and wondering if they're worth sticking around for. Hence why they ask questions of the same nature.

6) We Put Too Much Emphasis On Things That Don't Matter In The Long Run: This one is the sum base of everything. See, people put a lot of emphasis on things that in the grander scheme, don't matter. It's these things that people make a big deal of that make other people insecure and lack self confidence in themselves. For example, the incident in Ferguson MO. Do you really think it would have turned into the big brew ha ha that it did, if people would have just left it alone? No, it wouldn't have.They would have reported it and everyone would have been sad that a kid got shot and internal affairs would have investigated the cop to make sure it was a clean shoot and that would have been it. That's not what happened though. A bunch people had to rally together, start a protest, cry racism and burn their town to the ground and get the entire country into a tizzy about it. And, the only thing that accomplished is created more distances and insecurities between two races. My point is, you can't worry or be upset about something that no one makes a big deal of. So, it's these things in life (whatever they maybe) that people put great emphasis on that make other people put great emphasis on it thus leading to questions seeking approval.

To conclude this, I will say that we have a very ass backward system for a lot of things in this world. The things that should matter, don't and the things that shouldn't matter, do. So, what you end up getting is a bunch of people who are insecure, lack confidence and trying to see where they measure up in this crazy world of ours. So, the next time you see a question of appearance, personality, race,gender,body, etc etc. Don't ask yourself "why" people keeping asking these questions. Instead ask yourself "why wouldn't" they ask these questions. With the way things are it's not surprising or shocking people seek approval. Instead, it's sad that we live in a world that people feel they need to seek approval. Just remember that.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Well put, sadly you are right of course.

    I think most of us can agree with you, but it won't change regardless, because it's beyond our power as an individual to change.

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  • I think you addressed something important. We all have insecurities and we need validation sometimes.

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