What I learned as a Feminist and an MRA (Part 2)

OpenClose


What I learned as a Feminist and an MRA (Part 2)


Theatre Girls


My sophomore year, I wanted to join theatre to add some artistic expression to my engineering degree. A friend of mine was also in theatre. I had a crush on this girl and decided at some point to face my fears of offending women and "just go for it" like people have always told me. She worked at a help desk on campus, so I went up to the desk and said "Excuse me ma'am. I need help with something." She grinned, knowing I was up to something. "See, there's this girl I know from theatre. She always has such a busy day and is under a lot of stress, but somehow, she always manages to help others and keep such a bright smile on her face."


She said it was a little awkward, but she was flattered. She wanted to meet up to discuss things. She didn't show up, but instead a guy and a friend of hers did. "Where did she go?" I asked. The girl whispered into the guy's ear. The guy threw down what he was holding. "We don't want you around here. Get the F*** out of here. I don't want to see your F***ing face again." He started shoving me back and eventually shoved me into the wall.


That evening, I attended one of the school's plays I volunteered for. During intermission, I went out to get a drink, and saw the whispering girl from earlier that day. I wanted to ask her what the deal was, but she darted off. Another girl came up behind me. "You!" ...Me?... "I know who the F*** you are. Stay away from this department, and don't even think about my friends. We will get together and we WILL end you!" The people around me gave me looks like "next time don't screw up, bro." I rushed out of there.


My friend convinced me to call security. I talked to the officer, who talked to the girls and got back with me. "They say you are giving them special attention. I advise you to leave them alone." So I'm a sexual predator now The head of conflict resolution called me in to discuss the sitation. I brought with me a list of about 30 character references including several professors and a marine.


According to him, the girls had reports about of me breaking into apartments, stalking, and if I recall, an attempted sexual assault. Lucky for me, he caught on to what was going on right away. It wasn't too long later that VAWA was being discussed, and that schools were being audited for Title IX infringements. Had my school been audited, it's likely they would have been required to expel me and list me in the newspaper as a possible sex offender, destroying my future. In the gender groups, it was all blind cheering for the bills that would have me ruined. Arguments about false accusations, including my own, were disregarded as attempting to marginalize the issue. I knew that I could not easily reconcile my past with the title of "feminist".


Finding the MRM


The following semester, I got a girlfriend. I warned her that I might have some pretty tight shields for a while. She seemed to understand. For the first week or so of the relationship, I was afraid to even touch her or compliment her. In fact, she approached me when we first met, because while I could tell she was interested, I was NOT going to act on that. I thought the theatre girl was interested in me, too.


In my experience with her, I was feeling progressively more and more depressed in regards to the relationship. I discussed it with my friends, and they said she was using my past in order to manipulate me. If I felt uncomfortable about something, she would convince me that this discomfort was insulting to her or even a hatred of women, and I would have to apologize.


I didn't notice this too much until after we broke up. Then it all hit me like a shockwave. She was able to twist me up...play me like a puppet...so long as I felt that I was part of the "guilty" gender. So long as I felt like I had to win her approval to be accepted for the original sin of being male.


I started watching videos on the subject. It started with videos by Elizabeth Celi who discussed how this is a method common of female abusers. I found videos about how when domestic violence was against a male in public, people would assume the man was guilty, or cheer the woman on.


Then I found that there was an entire movement that discussed these sorts of things, and many other topics about men that simply weren't acknowledged in gender groups I had been in. I found ManWomanMyth's channel from the UK, and Karen Straughan ("GirlWritesWhat").


It suddenly made sense: Feminism wasn't about "equality". It was about giving women whichever gender roles they choose, while reinforcing male stereotypes and gender roles. It has always been easy to see men as villains, and the damsel-in-distress is a hollywood staple. So a social philosophy that derives from the idea that men are powerful villains actively oppressing the innocent female gender would be soaked up like a sponge by the public: Women would derive power from claiming exclusive victimhood.



It has been about 3.5-4 years since then, and my views have since calmed down a lot. I now identify as "pro-feminist", but generally refuse to take the title myself. However, I strongly feel that my picture of gender issues would not be complete without my experience in the Feminist movement and the Men's Rights Movement.


If you have read all of this, I sincerely thank you. If not, I don't blame you.



TL:DR


I thought feministy thoughts. Then I thought like an MRA. Now I avoid movements, but try to apply what I have learned.

Now on to the guts: Part 3


What I learned as a Feminist and an MRA (Part 2)
5 Opinion