I'll be 50 within the next 12 months. Until the last few years I hadn't thought much about death. At least, not my own death.
As I age I attend more and more funerals of close friends and loved ones and it's finally wearing on me.
It's like when you're at an amusement park and you're in the line for the scariest ride at the park. You're in line and there's no turning back.
You're not worried yet because the line is so long. So you laugh and joke with your friends and have fun in the line. Every so often you look to see how close you are to the scary ride, but it's still really long and you're not worried.
Eventually you make a turn in the line, look at the ride and realize you are "danger close" (as we used to say in the army). You can see the ride now. Feel the vibration as the cars rumble across the tracks. Your stomach drops and you remember where you are.
That's how I feel. Not quite my turn but it won't be long. I'm tentative now. Pensive.
I know many are still in line ahead of me and that some are yanked out of line early but I'm not worried about that.
It's coming sooner than I'd like. No matter what!