Why is it bad to sleep with a teddy bear because you are insecure?

[Anonymous]

Part of the reason I sleep woth a teddy bear is insecurity (which is partly why I have started therapy this week).

And as this question explains, I am quite affectionate with it: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1215087-is-it-weird-that-i-am-affectionate-with-my-teddy-bear

I saw some people making derogatory comments about sleeping with one and how some wouldn't even date someone who still had a security blanket, especially against men.

Why is it bad if it helps you out emotionally and security-wise? I am emotionally weak, immature, insecure, and get stressed easily, and that's why the teddy bear is really helping me out and significantly aiding with sleep. Though, even if and when these issues are resolved, I may want to keep sleeping with her [the teddy bear] because I am attached to it.

It's not even an immaturity thing as some may suggest and I have not intentions of being a momma's boy.

But I am getting worried now because many women online said that this would be a red flag or even a dstillaker and...

I suck at sports too and I am short and my attitude towards dating and relationships are feminine (see this thread: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1157927-i-feel-like-when-i-land-a-relationship-i-am-going-to-be-playing-the)

I mean I have a lot of strengths too (strong left brain, good in academics, proficient accodemolished) violinist, but now I am even more worried about never getting a girlfriend because it seems as if most women want a masculine tough guy (more than I already was, which was quite severely and is partly why I am in therapy now).

I mean I'll work out once my growth plates close, but aside from that... at the basic level, I am still feminine...

Updates

+1 y

I am not feminine as in gay, but I am very emotionally weak, immature (emotionally), and sensitive.

Updates

+1 y

Maybe it's not as big of a deal as I thought: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1218000-is-a-man-routinely-sleeping-with-his-teddy-bear-at-night-a

[Anonymous]

i feel horrible for saying so, im not judging you, but this is a honest site and i personally would not date a man who needs a teddy bear to go to sleep. i think there are other ways to deal with whatever you are going through, that you can be stronger and rise above it. you can go to therapy or talk to someone but its definitely not attractive for a grown man to be associated with a child like symbol. i want a man who will be my husband and a father to my kids who will make sure the kids have their teddy bear, not himself.

[Asker]

Is this true fort the majority of women.

[Asker]

I have tried so many things and they all backfired (which is why I have started therapy). Now one method that was actually working is a socially unacceptable option.

This is why I am beginning to think more and more that I should just disregard the romantic aspect of my life and accept being a single virgin for the rest of my life to be a prospect. That would be analogous to sacrificing a bishop just to keep some potential for counterpart in a chess game. Yeah, I am down a piece, but at least otherwise I'll be happy.

[Asker]

I just think it's so ridiculous that there are actually women who would not date a man or breakup with him as soon as she found out on the basis of something mundane as sleeping with a teddy bear.

[citroen]

If thats what provides security to you just carry on doing it, and never judge yourself based on other peoples ignorance, dont be overly concerned about people saying things behind your back cos they are behind you for a reason, and never tell people your weakness , there is too many people that will try to use them as ammunition against you, good luck in your therapy

[Azara]

no big deal. you're not hurting anyone. people worry about the wrong thing. someone gets into a fight hurts someone its funny or cool. you sleep with a big ball of cotton and its worth criticizing you. world is upside down imo.

[Asker]

Right?

[Azara]

Absolutely:)

[Azara]

keep your teddy:)

[Asker]

I will. I am close to giving up on dating and relationships anyhow. I am not giving up Teddy.

[Virtuous]

If you're emotionally weak and immature that you need a teddy bear to help you then you probably you should see some help or grow stronger as a person by looking at your age there.

Yeah I'm pretty sure this comes off as a negative opinion so I'm just going to say good luck finding someone who likes who you are. There's a huge population out there and I'm sure "that" someone won't give a shit about that.

And also for future reference, Don't take the internet seriously for fuck sakes.

[Asker]

I just started therapy. I have my second visit in three days.

[Asker]

But again, what's so bad about needing a teddy bear for emotional consolation?

[Virtuous]

Its a huge turn off especially if you feel the need to tell people you use a teddy bear to help you with your emotional problems at your age.

I don't speak for the masses but you seem to take people's opinion into consideration here that you have to create this topic again generally I don't think it's a good idea mentioning this.

[Asker]

What if I wasn't emotionally immature/weak but still slept with one because it still feels good physically and emotionally (it does)? Then what? That's the real question.

[Virtuous]

People won't take you seriously at all and still assume you're emotionally weak and pathetic for someone your age who needs that.( assuming you're an older teenager).

Again, if you don't give a shit about what other people think then gung-ho do what helps you feel better about yourself. Every girl is different and I'm sure there is someone who won't give a shit about that. That's all I'm going to say.

[Asker]

My dating prospects are already critically low and practically nonexistent man.

Regardless, it's not as if I tell people that I do this (excluding people that I am very close to and/or can trust) so unless someone actually came into my room, they wouldn't know.

[Virtuous]

Cool, I mean if you do meet a girl then once you two are very close in the long run if she comes into your room and saw that I would assume she wouldn't care.

I just think it isn't good to bring it up as a first impression kind of thing for someone your age. IMO.

[Asker]

Well yeah, that's true.

But is it okay for me to continue doing it [employing the use of a teddy bear for emotional support]?

[Anonymous]

It is a huge red flag for women when they see a man with something like a teddy bear. As you already admit you are "emotionally weak, immature, insecure, and get stressed easily". These are traits that women find undesirable in men. If you were strong, confident, and didn't get stressed easily you wouldn't need a teddy bear. Men don't care as much about these traits in women, which is why it is worse for guys than for girls.

[Asker]

Well, to clarify, I meant "immature" as in emotionally immature. But yes, the point still remains.

Also, to clarify, it's not as if I am carrying it around outside. At most, I just cuddle with it at home sometimes and when I go to sleep.

But I am worried, because even if these issues of mine do resolve, I still feel as if I am going to want to keep my teddy bear because I am attached to it man... and I also don't want to change myself for women.

Also, man, understand, these are just sprinkles that make me even more concerned and demoralized about my romantic life and future. Even without this, I was extremely concerned and quite demoralized in regards to the romantic aspect of my life. But let's save that to discuss with my therapist.

I also use the teddy bear because I have really wanted someone to cuddle; that was my original reason for sleeping with a teddy bear.

[Opinion Owner]

You will need to make some changes for women. that is just a fact you need to learn to deal with. Everyone acts more together than they really are. This applies to both genders. At the very least you need to find a way to appear more independent, and confident.

If the teddy bear means something to you, that is fine. You are allowed to have feelings and be emotionally attached to certain objects. Just put it on display in your room. It is the need to sleep, and cuddle with it that people are going to have a problem with, not that you own a teddy bear. My advice would be to not let anyone know about the fact that you actually sleep with it.

If you do have a girl in your room cuddle with her instead, then you shouldn't need the bear. Otherwise just grab the bear off of the shelf and cuddle with it, then put it back on the shelf when you wake up so nobody finds out. This gives off the impression that the bear is a pleasant childhood memory, but is not needed for emotional security.

[Asker]

Of course it's not as if I tell people in real life (this may become a problem in college though when I have roommates - how am I going to deal with that?)

Then again, 35% of British adults did admit to sleeping with a teddy bear so...

Of course, if I ever managed to have a girl in my room (seems like an imaginary circumstance for me anyway), I'd cuddle with her that night instead.

I am just wondering though - why do people view it as a bad thing to sleep with a teddy bear for emotional security? I mean what's better: being insecure or being somewhat secure with the aid of a teddy bear?

[Opinion Owner]

I am guessing that of those 35% that most of them were female, or were talking about when they were very young children. You will need to find a way to appear strong and independent. Maybe curl up with a pillow instead of a bear. That way you can say it is just an issue of how you get comfortable for sleep. Many people use pets instead of teddy bears for the same purpose, and it isn't looked down on since pets do need love and companionship.

Find a way to appear to be in control of your emotions, especially during the times when you are not. You must find a healthy way to deal with these problems that conforms to our societal standards, or people will have a problem with it. This is even true when it is our societal standards that are wrong. People are expected to conform. If they don't, then they are judged harshly. That is just a part of human nature.

[Asker]

How much of a dating handicap will continuing to sleep with a teddy bear be?

[Opinion Owner]

I don't know. I have never had that issue. Just put the bear on a shelf or something if you think you are going to have a girl over. That way it won't be an issue.

[Asker]

Looks like it's not really that big of a deal, but I got quite worried when I saw all those people on the forums saying so: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1218000-is-a-man-routinely-sleeping-with-his-teddy-bear-at-night-a

[Anonymous]

www.kigurumionesies.co.uk/.../bear-onesie-3.jpg

Don't need that teddy bear anymore :D

[jessicamaybell]

Honestly, I think it's sweet. I would never be put off a guy just because he sleeps with a teddy. If anything I'd find it so cute that I'd like it in a guy. Please don't let awful girls get you down. There's nice girls too, I promise. It's important to do what is best for you and if sleeping with a teddy aides you then let it be. Please don't sacrifice your sleep, you'll find a girl who won't care, I promise.

[Mesonfielde]

Well weakness and immaturity are not appealing qualities. You ought to work on them. I think what helps is realizing that masculinity and femininity are nonsense bogus, and you should just be what you want yourself to be like.

[theCatcherintheRye]

This teddy bear guy again... Noone judges you, you can sleep with whatever you want. There's nothing wrong with you.

[Asker]

I saw many women online saying that it would be a red flag at best.

[theCatcherintheRye]

there'll be someone who loves you for who you are. for now all you need to do is do what YOU want.

[Asker]

I am already extremely concerned and quite demoralized in regards to my romantic life and future, without this teddy bear stuff.

[theCatcherintheRye]

don't think too much into it, just go with the flow, life will take you somewhere. why worry? ;)

[Asker]

Nah... everything I have is opposite of what women typically find attractive and what it takes to be good at dating (this is one of my body paragraphs on the 17-page essay I wrote to my therapist on why I am extremely concerned and quite demoralized in regards to my romantic future and life (my thesis), this week for my first visit).

[Asker]

Just look in my own thread.

[Asker]

It's becoming more and more abundantly clear that I should just give up on my romantic life and get ready to be single for the rest of my life because I am tired of all this dating shit and how anything you do that slightly deviates from the accepted is all of a sudden a red flag and then the reasons explained in my 17-page essay.

It's okay though. I'll just keep playing my violin...

[Shut_Up_And_Marry_Me]

Teddy bears are awesome! Ted 2 is coming out :D

[Anonymous]

I'm 20 and i still do

[Anonymous]

Have you ever got tested for Aspergers syndrome?

[Asker]

These issues (severe insecurity, etc) have only begun a little over nine months ago. I mean, I had my first therapy session a few days ago, so we'll see what happens.

It think it's more likely that I have some sort of thought disorder.

But again, the question remains: what's so bad about having a teddy bear for some consolation?