I'm 19 and never been kissed, had a boyfriend, etc. is this normal?

Question

I've never even held hands with someone before. It really bothers me. I never show it, but it does. Guys never show interest in me, and I feel like something is wrong with me. People always tell me how beautiful and nice I am and stuff, but guys never ask me out, or try to spend time with me. One guy has complimented me before, who I liked, but he completely shut off towards me and we're not friends anymore, for no reason at all.

I'm a quiet girl, I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't party. It just puzzles me that a girl like me can't get anything at all, and I see girls that aren't attractive, are vulgar, and have no value for themselves, getting great boyfriends who they take for granted, and they end up hurting them in the long run.

swagger · Accepted Answer

Firstly. A lot of guys would find it hard to be with a girl who didn't want to party whether they drank, did drugs or not. Letting your hair down once in a while is always needed. If you were with a girl who never wanted to do that then what would be the point in being with them if you couldn't share the memories and the experience?

Secondly the way you speak about drinking and partying makes me wonder if you have A) had it drilled into your head by your parents that "DRINK IS BAD" or 2) you have had negative experiences with drinking and/or partying and it has put you off. Canyou relate to either of these points?

You say that people say that you are beautiful. Are they your friends/family/strangers? Do YOU believe that you are beautiful?

You say that Guys never show an interest in you but you may be blind to it. You may also give off signals of being arrogant (i'll explain in a sec) and if you are truly beautiful that could be putting a lot of guys off and make them not want to apporach you for fear of rejection.

OK, I'll explain the arrogance comment now. I'm not the most attractive guy in the world it's true but I'm not exactly ugly either. I always had low self esteem growing up and couldn't think why any Girl would want me. This made me super shy and unfortuantely this can be perceived as arrogance. Imagine if you approached me and asked me a general question and I didn't look at you and just gave you one word answers. You'd think that guy is so arrogant right? Now imagine that I have a crush on you or think you are super stunning and think that my looks may offend you. Whole different story now.

My first love was super hot and super confident. The only words that I said when I first met her at a party was would you like a cigarette. I barely looked at her. There are only a certain amount of cigarettes you can offer a girl. I was super shy but she said to a mutual firend that "How arrogant is he? he loves himself or what!". The mutual friend fortunately knew better and jsut told her that I'm really shy. From then she started the conversation the rest was history.

I wish you all the bset in finding someone. Loneliness is not a good feeling.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

i can understand you here. just know that there is always someone for everyone. you have really desirable qualitities that a guy you would like are sure to want. don't worry about not having any relationships with guys. a great guy for you is not going to care about past relationships, it can actually be kinda nice to know for the guy to know that they would be your first expereince in a relationship.

i can guess that guys that you like maybe are not showing interest in you in such a way that is very noticable but I'm very sure they still want you. look for the suttle signs. there is sure to be many guys that like you more then you noticed. what I don't think you should do is, don't change yourself to attain to the standards of the other girls around you that are getting guys. be yourself and a great guy will come along. not some guy that goes for girls with no self values and have a relationship which won't last very long. I'm sure a great guy will come along that you are really into and I'm sure that the guy you get will be very close to what you are looking for. great things come to those who wait :).

your last paragraph really got me thinking, your a really respectful girl and it is very unique that you are this way. it helps you stand out from a crowd. be yourself and its best to make freinds with the guy you want to be with first just like you was trying with that other guy. this way you will be sure of where the relationship goes.

take care and god bless.

TheFatTwig · Accepted Answer

First off, there's nothing wrong with never having been kissed at 19. Just thought I'd let you know that.

Second, things really don't work like they do in the movies. You can't just sit around being your nice self and expect guys to line up for you. You have to do some of the work too. I'm not saying you need to be really forward and I'm DEFINITELY not saying to fall into those nasty habits (drinking, drugs, etc.) but guys aren't gonna know you're interested unless you actually show interest. Don't be afraid to talk to them and there's nothing wrong with asking a guy to hang out sometime. Doesn't have to be a date. It just shows that you want to get to know him, and that could lead to anything.

Also, whenever a guy gets around to asking you out, please don't say yes just because he's asking. Make sure you actually like and WANT to date him. So many girls I know just jump at any opportunity to go out with someone without thinking it through. They just want to be wanted and don't look ahead to how the relationship will actually go. You seem smart enough not to do that, but I just thought I'd throw that out there :)

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Okay. I was in the same position. I am 18 years old, and I just now got my first real boyfriend 7 months ago. He was the first boy I ever held hands with, ever kissed.

I'm not a partier, or do drugs, or vulgar. I dress classy, and I am a strong Christian girl. There is nothing wrong with this. It just means that you haven't met the right guy yet...and I know hearing that is not fun, but it's true. I heard that so many times when I would ask people the same thing...then finally my friend of two years, after a mission trip, found that we liked each other. (Sadly, this relationship has just ended this past Saturday.)

But, don't give up, and don't think that there is anything wrong with you. You do not want to degrade yourself at all. Keep your standards high, don't change yourself or your standards just to get a boyfriend. I didn't do that, and I met the sweetest, best guy a girl could ask for, and it was even better because the wait to meet him. It was all the more sweet.

So, my advice is to just continue to wait it out, because sooner or later the right one will come along, and you'll be very happy! :)

TeresaTiger · Accepted Answer

Like many have said here, I think it is a combination of shyness on the part of the guys and you on some level sending out uninviting signals. Try to be more outgoing. Always be yourself (including your principles about drugs and alcohol which are admirable). Don't try too hard to find romantic prospects just be generally more outgoing and sociable. Romantic sparks will fly more naturally this way and then you can start the flirting. With flirting, also take it a bit slow but stay steady. All in all, don't be in a hurry to find someone. This happens to a lot of people. There is nothing wrong with that. It is always better to find the right person, however long that takes, than to rush into being with the first guy who comes along. Once you do find the right guy, remember to communicate about everything, especially sex and principles and be as open minded about everything as you can be. This will make for a lasting relationship or reveal a possible disaster before it is too late. I wish you success and happiness on the romantic front.

KikiSunshine · Accepted Answer

Maybe not the norm but it's not totally weird. One of my best friends is 21 and never had a boyfriend, went on date, nothing. She doesn't like to go out much but she'll hang out with a few close friends. Recently she met a guy, an exchange student, and started spending every weekend with him and they have even had sex after five weeks together.

Basically... It will happen when it happens. Just put yourself out there a bit more, make it known to the guy you like that you do like him. Maybe have a mutual friend try to start something up between you two, or go on big group dates. Confidence is the biggest thing. I find that the second I stop caring about being in a relationship.. I start getting dates haha. Love yourself and be happy with your life now and the rest will fall into place. Incredibly corny but true. Other people pick up on your happiness.

Georgi87 · Answer

It would help if you could describe yourself. Your measurements, whether you have healthy-looking skin, are overweight or just have a pretty face, etc.

If you want to have a shot at getting a guy, be more open and sociable. A lot of guys don't feel confident about approaching random girls, and you don't sound like someone who attends a lot of social functions from your description. You don't have to party, but join a few social circles.

Also, projecting sexual energy is very important. Many girls aren't all that pretty, but project sexual energy and are attractive to guys in that way. On the other hand, many pretty girls just have a frigid aura, which is a huge turn-off. You should probably start by working on your confidence, opening up socially, and become more comfortable with your own inner sexuality. Watch some erotica, or do something else that will interest you sexually.

My advice might seem outlandish and will definitely push you out of your comfort zone. I'm sure that a bunch of people will just tell you to be yourself, love yourself, etc etc etc. However, let's be honest. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is insanity. So try doing something new; you won't regret it.

afriendlycow · Answer

I totally agree with you about the last part and I know what you are talking about. But the other way around like instead the guys aren’t good looking and the chick is hot and the guy hurts her in the end.

Most my gf’s used me as a tool to get out of their problems as a free ticket and leave me. And I never kissed or anything really with them, but I love spending time with them, when they were my gf’s and now I don’t hear or see them anymore. So at least you don’t get used, I hope you don’t get that, because if you do I know and understand how you felt. And I hardly get looked at by girls and one girl compliment me to whom I like and now we don’t even talk each other anymore for a dumb reason I am guessing, if there was even a reason to begin with. I also never kiss a girl and I am virgin and I am assuming that you’re a virgin too? I am signal and 20 who don’t drink, any other drugs, and parting, Besides Halloween or holidays. I also want a woman who knows what she wants in life and go it get as it is open for them to have it and wants to keep him or me in this case forever. I just want a companionship with a woman who I can love forever and marry.

amergin · Answer

I'm looking at what you said about yourself and I'm catching hints that maybe you're a little judgmental when it comes to other people your age.  It could be that the reason you haven't had much success is that you put a wall around yourself that others are unable or unwilling to get through to find out who you are.  Be conscious of your body language.  Do you put up barriers with crossed arms and strategically-placed objects that tell people you're not willing to get close?  When you start talking to someone you like, do you start talking about things you don't like?  That can be an indication that you are more interested in surface things than in who somebody really is on the inside.  Try letting others tell you about themselves, and really listening to what they say.  Don't just focus on their personal habits, although if you don't drink and do drugs, as hard as it may be, try to stay true to that.  There really are kids your age for whom alcohol and drugs aren't the center of their lives.  Try meeting them at events dedicated to a specific purpose, like a music show at a coffee house or an art opening at a gallery.  I think you'll find a crowd more to your liking there.

moviedude714 · Answer

There's a great quote that gets to the heart of this question. "A woman can go to the bar, and if she really wants to, can leave with a man. A guy can go to many bars, and there's no guarantee he'll leave with a woman."

I'd certainly say it's harder for a guy to get a girl than the other way around. Most women, from the time they were around 14 or so, have been getting attention from males. Guys, on the other hand, generally don't have a cache of women to choose from.

That's not to say it's any easier for women; just because they have more options doesn't mean any of the guys available to them are really what they are looking for. On the contrary, the guys who are available to them are the guys who otherwise haven't found a girl yet; all else being equal, they're probably from the less-desirable side of the scale. Guys, on the other hand, will often be happy with just about any girl they can find.

In the end, guys have to look harder to find a girl, but once they've found one they're easier to please. Girls don't have to look very hard to find a guy, but they'll have to wait for some time to find a good guy. Overall, initially girls have it easier.

kriskiss · Answer

first of all you are still super young your still a teenager its not like ur 34 years old so don't get down . I am sure there are lliteerally millions of girls ur age in this country who have never had a man or held hands. I know about 2 or 3 girls ur age myself who never have. You gotta put yourself out there. Guys like the kinna girl you described quiet and don't do drugs that's good. I don't know you need to flirt more with guys, touch them, and stuff like dat. evryone longsg for intimacy.

if you have to do a dating website like match.com, or sumthing. I know a lot of normaly good looking people who do online stuff it ain't for losers like often perceivied. its especially good if ur shy and don't get out much. ok peace out

armyguy176 · Answer

I know how you feel and you would do yourself a huge favor by literally getting in your car. and say "I will talk to a guy today". Really be determined to. seriously, eat a good breakfast and go shopping for a day and look for guys to strike up convos with. You will be amazed how easy it is once you get how to start a conversation. You can start one with almost anyone. Another thing, don't be afraid to lie. Say, My friend's kid loves that stuff. You can literally use the same little thing like that all day. Just change it to fit your specific circumstances. You will probably feel better than you have felt in a LONG time. You might even get some digit requests.

advicegiver · Answer

Many guys might simply be intimidated by your looks, how perfect you may seem, etc.

or maybe they do have a crush on you, but either don't know how to show it, or are afraid to because you never give them any signs that you like them even a little bit.

Also, a good portion of the good guys out there are shy and/or quiet, like you, which means that one of you has to make the first move, and your looks may make a guy even more nervous.

But unfortunately, plenty of guys are pervs and jerks, but are outgoing and good looking, so they ask girls out a lot, and those girls say yes because they may seem nice (or they're bimbos, etc.).

Bottom line: you have to make the first move sometimes, even if it is as simple as saying hi. You have to let guys know that you at least might be interested in them.

BrettH · Answer

theres nothing wrong with you.. and really I kinda wish I could say the same.. most my dating experiences have ended so badly I wish they didn't happen.. yes they have formed me to who I am but I wish they didn't go the way they did.. and I regret some of my past decisions with girls I have dated.. your lucky you don't have to regret things like that.. you can still form your life how you want it.. and your still only 19.. most people don't really get int he dating scene till 21 or after college.. so I hope you can find a guy who will be good and take care of you! and you will find somone and be happy.. don't worry.. life will change and I hope for you that it will be for the better!

xolivelovelaughox · Answer

my best friend is exactly the same 19, quiet, never had a boyfriend been kissed or held hands, and she is gorgeous. your just unique and valuable and soon you'll find the guy you deserve. I know what you mean about that type of vulgar girl, but see a lot of guys (not all) go for the easy ones the ones that are there and are not hard to get. its like an apple tree. guys reach for the ones they can easily grab while the good ones are at the top of the tree but its soo much work to get them that they pass. But don't worry your young and there is a guy meant for you out there! (tip: you could pray to saint anthony!) hope this helps!

immakoifish · Answer

Since you are quiet, guys might take it as that you just aren't that interested.

but no worrys dear, your still young.

when you know for sure your ready just put yourself out there. . .

possibly by wearing a low cut shirt once in awhile, that's sure to attract them. lol.

i'm the same. . .(except I get asked out by guys all the time)

but nothing about relationships ever interested me.

i mean I have school, work and friends to keep me busy.

i feel like I don't need that stuff messing with my mind yet.

benjammin09 · Answer

You sound a lot like me, and  I am in almost the exact situation. "I used to drink a little, but stopped" People tell me I'm a nice guy and while I'm not the best looking, people tell me I'm okay looking (I lost about 20 lbs from last year, and some have noticed), but I've never had a date. I get worried about it a lot, but I think a girl will come, and if not,well at least I tried, and that's all I can do. Trust me though, some day a guy is gonna come long and ask you out, and hopefully you'll think he's amazing

adroit · Answer

good to hear you share ur thots

this happens sometimes wen you want others to react before than u

u think someone needs to ask you to go for a date?

but you well unprepared to do the same...

from the other persons perspective

he thinks you are preoccupied with ur world and

doesnt think to disturb u

so doesn't think he is ideal to start a relationship with u...

u need to think

make friends share feelings

that could solve a lot of things

like I wanna make friends here

to tell my side and see there side and answers

berlinium · Answer

Yeah, I'm 20 and have NBK which is this big ugly thing looming on my mind some days. It's not that I don't attract guys, but either I'm not interested or they are too shy to make that move.

Last year a guy led me on for a couple of months always complimenting me and touching my arm or knee, and he'd always hug me. Never kissed me though. Now we don't talk and it's been about 11 months since the last time I've seen him. So I understand how you feel.

Don't give up hope though. While you should wait for someone you are interested in, make sure you aren't making excuses over who you should and shouldn't see either.

mike5150 · Answer

Dont be to hard on yourself, I never had a girl friend although I have been kissed don't know if that really matters lol. Anyways I'm 20 I am quiet like you and I don't do drugs or alchool, I never really went out and asked any women out because of stuff they use to say in front of me. They use to try and use me to see if some other guy was available, I personaly didn't really mind until I left high school. Now I feel like I missed out. We can all look back and say if only this had happend or that but what's done is done, I actually have a sense of pride that I didn't resort to drugs or alchool.

Anonymous · Answer

Im in the same situation as you, I don't drink or smoke but I love to go out dancing and I can't understand why the vulgar girls get the guys. I've been told I'm pretty before, funny and intelligent before and one guy told me I was marriage material which frankly you can take that compliment either way. He made the point that guys go out with the vulgar girls but wouldn't marry them in the long run. Just be yourself and the right one will appear eventually even though you probably feel the same as me as though youve been waiting a lifetime. Good Luck! ^^

Anonymous · Answer

I don't drink, do drugs, party, go out much, and I didn't have sex until I was 18. My friend is the same way, and she's never had a boyfriend or anything either.

I have guys all over me. The difference between her and I? I get out there and talk to guys a lot, whereas she just sits around thinking none of them will ever want her. I bet there are a lot of guys who like you and you just don't notice them. If you don't show interest, they probably won't either. Talk to some! Unless you hide away in your house every day you're going to meet some eventually. Ask your friends to introduce you to some guys.

Sirhc001 · Answer

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Things unfortunately tend to work that way. I don't drink, do drugs, or party and such and I have been in relationships but have been cheated on more than once. It sucks. Many people just don't have their head on right. Hold in there. I'm sure you will find someone =)

Curious-Plumber · Answer

Yeah you sound like a great girl. I wouldn't be concerned about your age or anything. You shouldn't be concerned about other people because they are not you. Who cares if others are getting 5 girlfriends every 5 months. It doesn't matter as long as you stay who you are. I understand that you're lonely, but if you find a guy you really like, you'll know and then you can or a guy will go for you. In the meantime enjoy single life like me cause it's probably much better than you realize.

Littletad · Answer

Normal? Not really, but I do think your quite unique in your own right. Don't worry so much about what you "haven't done". And worry about your future career and yourself. Love and/or relationships come to us when we least expect it, and there really is no time limit on when it does come.

fedorfan100 · Answer

id want to date you

i have that same problem, I don't drink, and I know what your saying, its tough out there and its driving me crazy as well

youll find someone, a guy who treats you better then those other morons you described

I'm 19 and never been kissed, had a boyfriend, etc. is this normal?

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