I'm a huge tomboy, do I need to change?

Sometimes I feel critised or judge immediately when people see me, if I have basketball after school I may just wear something I can practice in to school. I get weird looks and I feel like I don't fit in. My best friend told me about how she changed her look up for highschool and she "grew up", we were talking about someone I like and she said I would have to stop dressing and acting like I do. I don't want this, but it feels nessisary. What do you think? Do I need to grow up from this stage?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You do not need to change who you are, you never should stop being true to yourself. Society is vary patriarchal and sexist and thus many people will tell you that you need to become weak and submissive to attract a partner. The thing is, acting like that is a real good way to attract a guy who will *not* see you as a partner but rather as his property, as his servant. Being who you are may put a lot of people off, but one must remember that quality is usually in high demand... because quality is scarce while quantity is plentiful. Really, when these quantity men reject you it's just separating the wheat from the chaff, the undesirable from the desirable. The men most likely to reject you are the men you wouldn't want to date anyway, because they are the kind most likely to use you and not care about who you are as a person at all. Being true to yourself may result in longer periods of loneliness, but when you find that quality person who cares about who you are as a person and treats you as a real partner, rather than merely as a servant, you will be much *much* happier than those who decide to conform to society and lose themselves. Be true to yourself, and happiness can and will follow eventually, it's not a matter of if but when.

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What Guys Said 6

  • Be yourself. As long as you dress with reasonable modesty what you choose to wear is up to you. If the time comes when you want to be more flirty don't be afraid to go with it.
    So just be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.

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  • In the natural progression of life it just seems necessary at times to adapt to the circumstances. As you approach the point where you interact with more people you'll see patterns in which you have to behave in certain ways. Play the system, be who you have to be but maintain your inner integrity. Be formless and you'll find yourself prepared for any situation. As far as being a tomboy it's tough. Men desire feminine traits and tendencies just as women enjoy manly behavior.

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  • No just be yourself it is the best way to be

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  • No you don't it's your life and choice

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  • Are you happy? if the answer is yes than no you do not need to change.

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  • People who think they need to grow up are silly. I think it's crazy to think that you make a choice to be mature and that changing up your look or something somehow makes you wiser. People who can be themselves are more grown up than people who feel they need to act grown up, the keyword here is act.

    What are you wearing to school? What's so weird about it?

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    • I'll wear basketball shorts and maybe a school shirt, soccer pants, hoodies haha

    • They just sound like regular clothes to me, I wouldn't think much of it, you're just sporty. It's not a "stage" at all, you play basketball so you dress practically, makes perfect sense. If you're dressing "normally" on days when you're not playing then there's nothing anyone can say. But even if you're not there is still nothing wrong with this.

    • Thanks, I appreatiate this a lot.

What Girls Said 5

  • Your "best friend" is being a little bitch. Tell her to shut the fuck up. I'm a tomboy and I dress like it. I literally wore sweats for the whole winter basically. I don't dress up for ANYONE. I dress up for myself when I feel like it. I dress like a bum most days and my friends don't care. Do you know how many people have gotten a crush on me this year? I would say around 4-5 people and two people are still crushing on me. I know plenty of guys at my school that find me hot/sexy even, haha, and all they have to work off is my personality. ;) I also play sports and I've done the whole 'wearing practice clothes to school' thing and haven't gotten any weird looks for it. The people at your school are stupid. THEY are the ones who need to grow up. Just because your "best friend" has changed her look, doesn't mean that she "grew up." Having the "right clothes" doesn't mean you have a grown up mind.

    Keep being who you are. Don't change for anyone. :) I did at one point in my life and I was miserable. All the people I hung out with were fake as hell. When I finally got back to acting like myself, I found friends who truly cared about me and would never ask me to change because we are all weird in our own ways. Changing into someone you are not is NOT the answer. :)

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  • no!!! NEVER CHANGE!!! dude seriously. that "growing up" and out of things? if you're changing anything about yourself in the process, you're doing it wrong. Growing up is taking the raw material of your personality you get in elementary and middle school and then finding a place in high school that will find what people were questioning now as super cool!! ok so like moi, super into books, music, and im pretty quirky and freespirited to the point of getting funny looks as i try to walk backwards through the hallways instead of forwards. Growing up isn't getting rid of that, its eventually getting so comfortable with that part of you that people can't help but accept and love that part of you!!! You will be even more secure in your own identity if you refuse to drop part of what you love about yourself in the process!!!

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  • No. If you're happy with it, who gives a shit?

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  • Never change who you are. Remember you don't live to please others

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  • You can't really stop being who you are, honestly. IF you happen to be sloppy, you could work on being a bit neater in apperance, though. Wearing separate clothes to school and practice isn't a bad idea, really. Just to get in the habit of thinking about your apperance for different occasions, like work. You can still embrace a comfy style you like, though.

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