My husbands sister was raped and she's asking me not to tell anyone?

Not even my husband.

A week back I got a call from my sister in law, she's 16 and was very very upset. So I picked her up and as it turns out she was raped but didn't want anyone to know. she was ashamed I guess. She didn't want to go to the police or the hospital but I convinced her to see my dad who is a doctor.
So she got a few tests

She really emphasised the not telling anyone part not even her brother (my husband) or their parents. She had a few scratches so she told everyone she had a bike accident.
I didn't tell anyone so far but I'm really torn. I can see she struggling with it and she's also been showing early signs of pregnancy. I don't want to betray her trust but I feel she needs help. And I also don't want to keep something like that from my husband

But then again isn't it up to her to tell them? It's not my decision, right? And she specifically asked me not to


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't betray her confidence in you! If she told you something, you need to try and talk her in to letting her know it would be okay to let her brother / your husband know. She is probably feeling ashamed as anything sexual even if it's violence can make a young girl like this feel like she's been treated as cheap trash, and worries that male relatives might take it the wrong way. She was attacked and as things get worse, keeping this a secret is not fair to YOU. I would get her in to counselling with you there with her so she understands how important family support it right now. If matters go to court or if she is pregnant, she'll need all the support she can get. She's not thinking clearly right now which is expected, but this can't go on.

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What Guys Said 7

  • She's been victimized in a horrific way and doesn't know what she's saying, or doing. She needs help and she needs it badly. By not speaking up, your helping the rapist get away so he can do it to other people. Speak up and stop the cycle. She feels ashamed right now and she doesn't want to tell people, so she told you. This is so you can do what she's afraid to do, tell someone.

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  • Keep her confidence and ring rape hotline for advice. Try and get her to go to counselling. If she is pregnant try and get her to tell family decisions will have to be made.

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  • I would ask her first WHY she doesn't want to tell.
    From that think further, but actions are need to be taken too.

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    • She's embarrassed. It's a small town and she feel if she goes to the police and hospital everyone will know and that her relatives will make her go to the police or hospital. She doesn't want to come across as weak and being able to defend herself and she's just ashamed

    • I see. I have read some victims testimonies who recovered from such trauma (by the help of professionals). Most of them felt themselves "dirty" or "at fault". I think KDA20 gave a good advice. You and she need some advice from experienced people.

      Thing is if you do something - people will know.
      If you don't - people will still know. She will have a child or someone will notice her "stomach" and it will be known.
      Most important is to help HER. Not to "fall" into spiral of depression, not to "lock up".
      Rumors are can be dealt with later. But it would be good to be discreet, she trusts you.
      So try by yourself first, anonymously get consultation from hotline or similar.

  • a few scratches? they should try getting some DNA if they didn't already.

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  • (This is Tinkerbell) as hard as it is, now that you're married your loyalty is to your husband above anyone else. Can you imagine what he will say if/when he finds out that you knew and didn't tell him? You need to tell her that you have to tell him, because you ARE betraying his trust by keeping this form him. Maybe give her a couple days to tell him and if she doesn't want to, then you need to tell him. As far as everyone else goes, yes its up to her to tell them or not

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  • I would definitely want my girlfriend to tell me if my sister was raped. If I found out that she hid such a thing from me it would cause a lot of problems. I'm going to pissed at my girlfriend and my sister.

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  • Share the info, but first make a trust circle tat only 5-6 people will know it so they can help her out and yet keep it secret, and they are going to say, yeah a bike accident.

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What Girls Said 6

  • She deserves help. She may feel betrayed now but she's thank you for it's later. Step up and make them move right now. There is no right time. Just call the police and let them know about it. The rapist can't be left free on roads. Tell your family. She needs support from everyone. Done delay. Just doing it ASAP.

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  • Omg, I want to say sorry for her. These situations are not easy at all. I think you should really really talk to her, and try to convince her. Don't tell other people about it but really talk to her and explain what the out come could be, but keep it on the down low. Once again, I am sorry.

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  • You have to tell them. Especially since she's pregnant. This is for her own good.

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  • She wouldn't be showing any signs of pregnancy after only one week.

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  • Get her help. You should never keep secrets like this.

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  • Why do they need to know? Her business. Not mine. Not yours.

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