How much does confidence come from within?

All genders are welcome, but this question is largely aimed at women since they claim more often than men that confidence is attractive.

How much does confidence come from within and how much does it come from the praise of other people? For myself, I've found that it's difficult to understand telling someone who has crashed and burned time after time with no success to simply be confident. What reason is there to be confident after so much failure? If an aircraft design continuously crashed, why should the engineers be confident it will be airworthy? Wouldn't the better advice be to change the design of the aircraft? By the way, I asked a question about the effectiveness of confidence with an ugly person. Most women admitted confidence is useless in making an ugly man attractive, and (alas) I agree it's true for women to. You can find my confidence question here:


Most Helpful Girl

  • i think confidence does not... come from within. lol. it really comes from conditioning. if you're praised often, successful often- of course you're going to become more sure of yourself and what you can do. if you've been put down or if you keep failing, then it makes sense to not be confident. however, confident can be faked. and sometimes faking it can help you get the praise you need or be successful and ultimately that new conditioning can help develop some real confidence.

    it's like acting. play the character, take it for spin. i think the important thing to realize is that people won't remember what you do/say for the most part... being unconfident is really being self-conscious right? so... stop thinking that people care what you do. they don't. so just be. easier said than done though.


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What Girls Said 1

  • confidence makes a man more desirable when he is already hot and successful..

    • Thanks for sounding off. A pity more women aren't. Tell me, what do you advise an ugly and/or unsuccessful man?

    • i would say.. he shd work hard.. cuz u dont need to b beautiful or handsome to become successful.. many millionaires and billionaires are ugly as hell.. and they r still desirable.. when u become successful u automatically become confident.. only confidence doesn't matter... there shd b something to go with it..

What Guys Said 6

  • I think people can improve their confidence.

    All people experience success and failure to varying degrees. But what you pay attention to matters.

    If, every time you fail, you ruminate over how badly you have failed, and basically just have negative thoughts that are going nowhere, that will bring you down.

    If, on the other hand, you decide to shift your attention to something positive, like what went right, what you can learn from this experience, what you want to do going forward, I think that will improve your well-being as well as your results.

    So to summarize, I think it is an interplay between what you focus on and what you experience.

    If you focus on the negative, you will have more negative experiences, which will make it easier to focus on the negative.

    If you focus on the positive, you will have more positive experiences, which will make it easier to focus on the positive.

    • If you have had nothing but failure or a disproportionate amount of failure (and rejection is NOT evenly distributed), then wouldn't it be wise to advise people to change something other than their level of confidence? You wouldn't advise an auto engineer to just have confidence in his/her design when the car's engine will not start time after time, would you? I would think the engineer is foolish to remain confident with that design. I would advise the engineer to change the design.

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    • I think a really cool approach is Stephen R. Covey's (paraphrasing Viktor Frankl): "Between stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose."

      So if a guy is not that attractive in general to women, his choices still make a difference. He can't change his genes, but he can work to improve his mental and physical health, his knowledge about women and his financial situation.

    • In other words: he can present what he has more favourably. I think you would agree it is the same for women, a woman who makes an effort can look a lot better than if she lets herself go (not that there should be any pressure to conform, it's just about personal presentation and the possibilities it provides).

  • Another question would be.. What exactly is confidence?

  • I've learned confidence comes from success. It's hard to just be confident without much success, like you said.

  • Confidence, like being nice won't get women but is a prerequisite to get women.

    • Understood. Why should a man or woman be confident if all they have to show for it is failure?

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    • @Asker I dont know... I thought it sounded cool HAHA... failures in a way arnt failures at all. They are only "Failures" if you dont learn anything from it and accept it as a failure.

    • I guess @Akser is a girl.. @Bluemax

  • I think most of it comes from within.
    I have literally no outside reason to be confident haha
    It just happened, all of a sudden I was like, "Forget it, I'm going for what I want."

  • What exactly is confidence?