Should I just stay out of it?

When I first met my boyfriend he told me from the beginning that he had two children, a boy and a girl. As time went on I realized he only spoke about his son. One day I asked him about it and we had a long conversation. I left the situation alone. Today I met with my BF's sister and she told me how his daughter doesn't think her father cares about her. Although I never met his daughter, it really bothers me.
My father was always in my life no matter where in the world he was so I don't understand how it's not the same. Most woman wouldn't care if there boyfriend dealt with his kids but I do. It means a lot to me. I really want to speak about the situation to him again and try to convince him that a father means a lot to a child. I really want him to reach out to her and be in her life. Should I talk to him again or should I just stay out of it?


Most Helpful Guy

  • In my mind, communication is key. I'm not sure how long you've been together. If it's early days, maybe don't make a big deal of it right away. If you've been with him a while and are committed, you should feel comfortable to bring it up. I'd avoid accusatory language and ask questions (rather than telling him how to change). Good luck!

    • I've actually talked to him about it again. I actually lied to him about a dream I had (hoping it'll open his eyes) because I didn't know how to just have a regular conversation about his daughter. As bad as I feel about using a made up dream to get his attention, it actually worked and he's been calling his daughter. Hopefully it worked and their relationship gets better.

    • Good on you. :) Keep it up. If something makes you uncomfortable, it's your prerogative to bring it up. Relationships, like people, are damn complicated, so effective communication goes a long way. It's so much better to have awkward, difficult conversations than to be left in the dark, wondering what's going on.


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What Guys Said 5

  • If you love him, take an extra step forward and try to bring his daughter back into his life

    • I'm trying.

    • Trust me, fathers are very close to their daughters, maybe they had a petty quarrel? About time you arranged for a patch up

  • Well, normally I would say that another person's life is their business. In this case, you are talking about a life together. Dating I assume leads to more. It is important to know what kind of a man you are dealing with. Come straight out and ask him.

    • He's a great father to his youngest son but I guess there was a lot that happened between him and his daughters mother. So the daughter/father relationship isn't really there. Obviously, from what I'm told by my boyfriend sister, the daughter wants to be acknowledged by the dad. He has his own reasoning, which I don't agree with. I still believe he needs to reach out.

    • Show All
    • What do I wait for though? I highly doubt he's going to ask my advice for a daughter he never talks about. The only time he talks about her is when I bring her up.

    • why not just ask him what the story is with his daughter.

  • guess he won't listen up i'm afraid... :/

  • Does his kids have the same mother?
    If so, it's just bloody weird.

    If not... there's probably a hidden explanation.

    • They have different mothers. And yeah, there was a situation in why his relationship is the way it is. Mainly because of the way her mother is. But regardless, I still believe he should go beyond for his daughter regardless of how her mother is.

    • That's what I thought.
      I can almost guarantee that the problem is her mother, especially if she has full custody.
      Legally, a man has zero value in terms of parenting, and chances are that he has just given up.
      I have seen several cases of mothers poisoning the minds of their kids.

      Talk to him about it, if you want to get to the core of it.

  • So you're dating a guy who's a bit of a shit parent, great.

    • Your opinion... To each his own

    • That's not just my opinion, he's neglecting his daughter and he doesn't realize it- shit parent.

What Girls Said 1

  • Talk to him, but don't expect him to listen or care about what you say, since technically he has the right to parent his children as he pleases (as long as he isn't abusive of course). Especially don't expect him to change his ways if his daughter is already somewhat old.