Shoul I forgive him for hitting me?

Well my boyfrien and I were ptobably having our biggest fight. There was a lot of name calling and shoving. I know I fucked up by bringing up something about his past and we both had some low blows. Well he ended up hitting me, I dont really cry easily so I didn't cry. He instantly regretted it and apologized. But my bestfriend had witnessed all of it and told my older brothers, you can imagine how that went. Anyways even before my brothers beat him up he was really sad about it and he was apologizing and buying me my favourite stuff and all. He's still doing that, we haven't officially broken up or anything, we haven't really talked that much. I don't want to break up with him, please dont judge me for that. But I'm not sure what to do...

Updates:
I feel like, some of you keep telling the same story that everyone tells when it comes to a guy hitting a girl. I'm not defending him, but I'm just saying that the story isn't always the same

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you push anyone to their breaking point, they will push back. Now that he knows his limit and where rock bottom is, he may have more control from now on and never hit you again, but who knows? There is no right or wrong answer here. I think it is ok for couples to work out their problems and become stronger as a result of it, so this could be a good thing to look forward too. If you want to break up, most people will respect that too.

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    • I honestly dont want to break up with him...

    • Don't listen to the feminists here that say you should instantly break up. We don't know if he will hit again, only time and how you two act together will say. I think what happened in your case was heat of the moment and at an extreme low point of an intense argument. I think him hitting was an isolated case. I think a woman should instantly leave a guy when he comes home drunk and hits her because the clothes aren't folded or something stupid like that. That is a different, more deliberate form of abuse. Some men are genuinely mean and abusive. I think your boyfriend just made a mistake. If you believe he is sorry and that he won't do that again, and you love each other, then yes, forgive him and move on together with your lives.

What Guys Said 6

  • People fight, sometimes physically. I think its normal. If he isn't abusing you then just forgive and forget.

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  • Maybe you guys should stop the name-calling and shoving?

    I'd be saying "oh what an asshole and stuff" but in reality you certainly don't sound like you were helping with actually RESOLVING the conflict, instead of just fueling it.

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  • uh-oh... never forgive anyone hittin u 8)

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  • There is no reason for a guy to hit a girl... none, zero, naughta

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  • Leave him. He did it once and he'll do it again.

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  • Best to breakup, for both of you. No reason to put yourself at risk.

    And tell your brothers to stop being punks. Violence doesn't solve violence.

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    • You don't know nothing about my brothers. They werent beating him up to sole shit, they were beating him up beacuse he hit their youngest sister...

    • Violence doesn't solve violence.

      But let's say you stay with him -- how well are things going to workout long-term? Given now that your family hates him (and they themselves are now equally guilty on a criminal level), what kind of future do you see yourself being able to have with him? I see no room for a respect-filled relationship, or a relationship that will be fulfilling when taken in context of your entire family.

    • True..

What Girls Said 8

  • If I was in your situation I would break up with him. This is the same way all abusive relationships start out the guy loses his temper and hits the girl. The girl forgives him and doesn't leave him because she's attached emotionally and she believes that he's not that type of guy only to later find out he is and had just encouraged is violent behavior by saying I will always forgive you no matter how bad you are to me. These guys pick girls that are easy to manipulate and manipulate them by putting on a Jekyll and Hyde personality when they're good they're really good they'll buy you gifts and take you out like a prize. Then when they're bad they're so bad it's like the fantasy world you knew was ripped from under you and your just waiting for it to be good again and eventually it is, but not forever it's a constant cycle. If he hit you once he can hit you again a guy that cannot control his temper is a dangerous one.

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    • Yes but anybody can hit you. There are different types of guys, they're not al manipulative, Im not saying he isn't im just saying that I feel like you're talking as if all guys that hit are the ones that you escribe, and thats not really true. The story you tell has been told several times, but its wrong that because someone makes a mistake than that story is their story...

    • I have never met a guy that hit a girl even when mad they usually walk away and take it out on non living objects and also yeah anybody can hit you but if it was someone else like say a friend would you forgive and trust them for hitting you in anger? Also I did not say they were all manipulative but they all definitely have trouble controlling their anger.

  • Abuse is abuse. if he did it once he will most likely do it again. i stayed with someone who hit me and i regret it everyday

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  • Give him one last chance if you want. If he hits you again, dump him. You should not tolerate that kind of behavior.

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  • dont forgive him!

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  • The only thing that's going to happen whether it be weeks or months from now is that he will hit you again, especially since he knows you forgave him for doing it before. They're always sorry but will do it again, then be sorry again and cry and buy you gifts until you finally get out. Been there, done that. Will never go back.

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  • Forgive him, then dump his ass for good!

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  • Coming from a person who's been both the abuser and victim in abusive relationships. Leave. He will do it again. Nearly everybody who doesn't leave the first time they get hit deeply regrets that decision later on. And also, statistically, domestic violence against women is one of the biggest killers around, even when you include men death statistics. It's one of the biggest killers, we just don't hear a lot about it. If you were to hear of every incident on the news, that's all you'd be hearing. It's no joke and it's a very dangerous game to be playing.

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    • I feel like everyones telling me that

    • I know, they will. Everybody outside the situation can say what to do so easily, it's just harder for you because you're actually the one in the situation and you really liked him before this, nobody here knows him to like him or try and excuse what he did.
      Realistically, nobody can ever convince you to leave him, only you can convince yourself.
      Violence isn't ok, even when I did it to people I knew it wasn't ok. Everybody is sorry after they've done it, doesn't mean they won't do it again. Some domestic violence happens because the person has an issue, either they need anger management or they've got something mentally bothering them, even depression or past experiences can make people do erratic and violent things, it just depends on the person because we all deal with things differently.
      If he goes and seeks help, maybe he'll change. But still you shouldn't put yourself in danger while you wait for him to get that help. And your brothers will probably get even more mad if you do.

  • He will hit you again. Nobody reacts that way no matter how mad

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    • How do you know tho?

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    • I feel like you're saying that cause you're angry

    • This happened 5 years back. I am over it and have moved on. I'm telling you for your own protection but since you don't want to listen let's hope you don't get even more hurt or dead. Oh well. That's your problem and not mine. Good luck

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