I hate men. All of them. I hate my ex, my father and even men in my family just for being men. For one, my time with men have been nothing but unpleasant. I couldn't even fix myself to date again after what happened between my ex and I. People always tell me there are good men out there as though my only goal in life is to be with a man. I was both beaten and molested by men growing up (uncles and cousins) that will die with me. I never told my parents. Instead, I watched my father physically abuse my mother and have several affairs while I was involved and if I open my mouth, my dad threatened to beat me senseless. I see guys on a daily basis and I hate them. Thing is, I'm not sexually attracted to women at all, but men make me cringe. My ex was physiologically abusive. Since having low self-esteem, I decided to move out with him at 20, just to live with his mom and peeking father who used to watch me come out of the shower at times. The mom hated me. She thought that I was trying to woo her husband. I couldn't be comfortable there anymore. My boyfriend was not bad in the beginning and I thought that he would be the only man I'd ever be in love with. I was able to open up to him about my past and he was very supportive... until he betrayed me. He told one of his friends who used to treat me strange when we hung out. I told my boyfriend that I didn't like him and he called me crazy. Eventually, he started using my past against me. If we got into an argument, he'd say "that's why you deserved to get phucked by them"... all because I disagreed with him. I was 11/12 years old I wasn't asking for it. He used to make me cry always and at some point I felt everybody was against me. I contemplated suicide and got sent to a nut house. I told them not to let my boyfriend in and that's when one of the nurses told me that I needed to leave him. He didn't question her, she said that he acted as though he didn't care and even told me that they should keep me. As of today, my life is somewhat normal. I managed to graduate college and at least have something to be proud of. As of today, I'm a single woman but I have so much baggage that I feel it's unfair for any guy if I wanted to be in a relationship. I can no longer open up to anyone especially men. I feel like I'm alive but not living. How do I overcome this hatred for men?
Sorry it's so long. I'm new here.
Most Helpful Guy
I understand where you are coming from. I have been trying to work through my issues with women as well. When you grow up being abused by one particular gender it leaves scars, and you can only open yourself up so many times.
I think having a low self esteem attracts people that wish to hurt us. Most of the people that hurt us are cowards that only want an easy target. If you carry yourself with more confidence people won't think they can get away with mistreating you. So what I have been doing is working on myself.
I think power is what is important. If you hand your power to someone else they will almost always hurt you. Humanity is just cruel like that. Once you have your own power, then I have found people will treat you better. Think about it, if you had been the one with more power than those men, they never would have dared harm you. In every case the man had power over you in some way. You don't need power over them, but you do need enough power to stand up for yourself so they don't hurt you. The power I am talking about comes in many forms and includes things like confidence to stand up for yourself, financial independence, knowing self defense, and so on.
I am trying to work on myself and become more independent and confident in who I am. I am not sure if it will work, but I don't have the same loathing for women that I use to, so I think it may be related to my self improvement. Even if self improvement doesn't cure us, I don't see how it could be bad for us so I think it is worth trying.
"I feel it's unfair for any guy if I wanted to be in a relationship." This sounds like that on some level you still care about men which tells me what you feel is not true hatred for men. You don't want to hurt men, but you just don't have any faith left at this point not to be hurt by men. Perhaps I am projecting my issues onto you, but I think our anger comes from a place of feeling weak and powerless.2