Why do people automatically assume that I must be single because I have two kids?

So, I have two children. I am married and have been since I was 18. No, we didn't have sex before marriage so please save yourself on the whole 'Sex Before Marriage Is A Sin' speech. I am graduating college in next Friday . My husband and I own our house outright. Actually, everything we have is owned out right. I am a social worker, my husband is a lawyer. However, I have recently asked two questions. Both of which I mentioned that I had two children. People automatically assumed that I was a disgrace because I was a single mother whom nobody would want to marry and some have even stated (upon me telling them I was married) that my husband must be rich and that is why I married at such a young age. Mind you, my husband isn't rich. And he wasn't even a lawyer when I married him. I had just graduated high school and he was in his 3rd year of college at this point. Why do people automatically put people into catergories upon hearing a very minimal amount of information about them? I mean, c'mon now! I came to this site because it was fantastic and people were so nice! Now, 6 months in everyone is turning ignorant and hostile! I have been married six years! My son is four and my daughter is two. I am so tired of such ignorance.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Okay uhm... I haven't seen any of the two questions you mentioned. Regardless, this is just what I thought about all of this:
    1. People who talk about the whole "sex before marriage is a sin" kind of crap are religious fundamentalist idiots. They're just as fanatic as the Taliban, just that they don't kill anyone. Not having sex before marriage is about the dumbest thing you can do in my opinion. You wouldn't buy a car without knowing how it drives, you wouldn't get a computer without knowing if it even works properly, you wouldn't "buy a cat in a bag" as we say in German, because it could easily be rabbit or even a heavy stone - so why would you jump into a marriage that is supposed to last forever without even know if you and the other person are a match in sexual aspects? This demonization of sex really gets on my nerves. Nobody would come on the idea that other natural instincts like breathing or eating or pooping are a sin, so why would sex be. So bottomline: even if you had had sex before marriage, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
    2. Even if you were a single mom - so what? There's nothing wrong with that. In fact, I look up to any single mom who does a good job bringing up her children. It's everything but self-understanding. It's very, very tough work and none of these pretentious machos will ever understand what it means to be a single mom.
    3. While I personally find it strange to marry at such an early age (this has also cultural reasons I guess), there's also nothing wrong with that. People can marry whenever they want and they're not bad people for marrying at age 18 or 30 or 50. Some people marry one more time at age 90 when their previous partner has died. I personally think that's very cute. Some people decide not to marry at all. After all, marriage is nowadays not more than a piece of paper. I am in a long-term relationship and I don't think anything would change between my girlfriend and me if we were married. We could also have children whether we are married or not. So, either way is totally fine.

    I think you just happened to encounter a couple of jerks on here. I think generally speaking, people are very kind on this site.

    • Thank you! I dont believe it is wrong for sex before marriage but I guess I got lucky because we are both very pleased with out sex lives lol. But its just that the few questions I have listed, people have been hostile and plain rude. I also don't have anything against single mother's, where my mother is one, but some people feel the need to frown upon them and look at them in a less appealing manner. Which I get it, I guess. But still.

    • Yeah... I understand you. Sometimes the internet can be a bitch ;-). Sometimes, you just meet the wrong people or the wrong people answer your questions. I've had that on Yahoo Answers and it's the reason I left that site. Too many ignorant idiots. But apart from the people you unfortunately had to meet, I think this site is very nice. Just don't take things too personal when you are on websites like this one. It's so easy to be rude on the internet and not be scared of hurting anyone. Some people abuse this quality of the internet.

    • Oh most definitely!

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What Guys Said 3

  • I didn't see the questions - It seems to me to be a backlash to you marrying young and having kids by choice more than anything else - If some people expressed it badly, I am sorry I hope it doesn't put you off the site.

  • Because this site is aimed at young single people. The main point of this site is to ask for dating advice, so if you're on here people will assume you're single.

  • I don't want to get into a debate about feminism, but they have really reshaped our culture in order to encourage more women into the workforce. As a result today's culture is about trying to convince women that to be a responsible and respectable woman she must wait to have children until after college, then establish her career, then find a man to settle down with and then finally she can have kids without being a complete pile of human waste.

    Because you don't fit into that they assume that you must have failed as a woman in some way. Either A. you got knocked up by some loser and ruined your chances at a decent future, or B you are a gold digging whore since you didn't forge your own path in the career world before getting married.

    Instead of freeing women from having to follow an expected role and allowing them to make their own choices, feminism has really just pushed women to follow a different role. That is a problem that is going to eventually need to be addressed. I have talked to women on here that were crying because they just had a child and desperately wanted to stay home with the child and even though the husband was okay with it, they were still afraid that it meant they should be ashamed as a woman for following a path other than that of a career woman. So basically women are now stuck in the male gender role.

    • I agree 100%! I have many "feminists" (though I consider then femenazi's) who have bashed my lifestyle through and through. Their ignorance and their "right way of living" has caused a lot of unnecessary bullshit for any woman who does not believe in their views. Now that you mentioned it, the hostile comments I was referring to were mainly from females. Stating that my husband was going to leave because we got married so young.

What Girls Said 1

  • people are ignorant.