A hipster-douchebag relationship genie has offered to grant you two wishes (because three wishes is too mainstream). Please read Da Rules?

Da Rules

1) Both wishes must be meant to help you get along with your SO, or the opposite sex in general.

2) Wishes can only directly change/affect *YOU*. If you try to change other people, hipster-douchebag relationship genie will turn you into a hotdog!!!

3) You can't wish for anything mainstream/cliche/obvious, or hipster-douchebag relationship genie will turn you into a Ken/Barbie doll

  • I wish my dick- *poof!* "o wow, how am i even gonna pee?"
    0% (0)19% (9)9% (9)Vote
  • I wish my boobs- *smote!* "o hell, he took the whole outer vulva, how am *I* even gonna pee?"
    6% (3)0% (0)3% (3)Vote
  • I wish that all my fat wou- *alakazaam!* "my underwear feel *funny*..."
    29% (14)10% (5)20% (19)Vote
  • Other (good dog)
    65% (32)71% (34)68% (66)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Ugh. I can't even answer this question ironically. Like, gross.

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    • *sad* the point is, if you could wish two things be different about yourself to help you get along with the opposite sex, or pherhaps one particular member of the opposite sex, what would those two things be... The rest... Ya, that's pretty gross... 😜

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    • Oh hell, I forgot my own rule... *hotdogged*

      Woof... Woof...

    • *flops around all cold, and slightly wet*

What Girls Said 16

  • I wish I wasn't so attractive - it's pretty hard to be the prettiest between your friends.. *sigh*

    I wish I had the ability to control men like I do with dogs.

    Jk. Jk.

    I couldn't think of anything hehe.
    Don't take it personal guys!

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  • I would wish that I would always have the exact amount of money to buy something. (As in, I reach into my pocket and it is the exact change to pay the bill). Then I could buy video games for my SO and I to play together and I could buy us food whenever I wanted, which would make us get along even better.
    I don't really want any other wishes because everything else, we can learn together and work through ourselves (even the money thing can be figured out I guess) and gives us experiences that we might want to remember.

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  • I wish my social anxiety would go away. It'd make me much easier to deal with. I stress about everything. From ordering water to making conversation with his parents to going out with his friends, it's bad.

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    • O_o and your second wish:

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    • Lol , you are not helping :p :p

    • Hipster douchebag relationship genie... is a douchebag...

  • I wish to be forever young, and forever healthy

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  • lol Da Rules- fairly odd parents?
    I would wish that my body will recognized a potential suitor's sperm so I don't accidental get pregnant by a dumbass
    ugh I don't have a second wish :/

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    • You're my hero. You've totally saved this post... Bless you...

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    • eek! I feel special lol. I was actually really thinking hard on what to say haha

    • A pity we're ten years apart.

  • Note how no one picked vote A and how that reflects on mens' obsession over their manlihood. xD

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  • I wish I could stop obsessing over someone who doesn't want me - to have the strength to move on and forget them and not be crazy.

    I wish I had the answers without having to do anything psychotic.

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  • 1st wish: I wish to be some sort of sex genius and be able to do every position under the sun with my partner so he'll love the sexiness 😄

    2: I wish I knew how to cook AMAZING meals you could never dream of so I can cook after we do business :p

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    • Both of those things are totally obtainable, I think...

  • LOL "good dog"
    I'd wish for the ability to convince hipster-douchebag relationship genie to stop being a douchebag!

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    • "Wishes can only directly change/affect *YOU*. If you try to change other people, hipster-douchebag relationship genie will turn you into a hotdog!!!"

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    • oh haha okay xD you're a funny dude

    • *swims around in a fishbowl*

  • 1. I wish I learn how to cook. The way he likes it?

    2. I wish for the ability to apply the knowledge I gain more easily.

    You called me a dog?😐

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  • I wish that you wouldn't tell me what I could wish for lol

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  • My first wish is that I could teleport so I can see my boyfriend more often and won't have to be sneaking around my dad.
    My second wish is to have mind reading powers.

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    • *granted. Plus hipster douchebag relationship throws in an Arcade Fire t-shirt and horn-rimmed glasses to show that he is pleased...*

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    • Hmm what's the most ironic beverage? Crappy expensive beer?

    • @LetsGoRangers
      Hmm... sounds about right

  • I want my social anxiety to be gone and I want to have the perfect bod no matter what I eat or how lazy I am.

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    • *grants the first one*...*then barbiedolled*

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    • Looks like I win ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°

    • Awwwww... 😰 Ya, you totally won...

  • I wish I knew how To help him more with his depression than I already have.

    I wish I had enough money to afford moving in with only him without the need for other room mates.

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  • I wish I could read the thoughts of the guy I like

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    • And the other wish?

    • I could meet the band I like when I am at the age to date

  • LOLLLL THIS 😂

    I would wish for some way to see why my crush's friends always mention his name around me and tags him in my pictures even though we never talk

    That's really all I want

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    • Hipster douchebag relationship genie abides*... *poor!*

    • This hipster douchebag genie is really cool! 😂 thank you, I hope I find out soon, when I ask his friends (also my friends) they change the topic

What Guys Said 32

  • I wish I could stumble upon a gal that has special connections, who could get me a job at a film studio and at the same time set me up with a free upgrade to Adobe CS6. (Still using CS2, and it's very inadequate.)

    For my second wish, I would like all the scar tissue on my chest from years of hidradenitis to disappear. So if a gal ever does see me shirtless, I don't look like a monstrosity.

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  • I'd choose to grow a little taller.
    The others are too clichè and mainstream.
    They all lack authenticity. 👌

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  • Tell him to shoo, I don't deal with hipsters.

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  • I wish to have a permanent good luck.

    Wishing all of your wishes is too mainstream.

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    • *poof* granted *throws in wingtip shoes, to show that hipster douchebag relationship genie abides...*

  • I'd wish for England to beat New Zealand in a Rugby game, for England to beat Australia in a Cricket game, then I'd punch him in the face.

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    • *states blankly for a moment, supremely confused...*...*hotdogged*

    • not going to happen, nothings easier to beat than the English cricket team lol and who was the winner in the 2011 rugby world cup? oh thats right wasn't the English again.

      rugby and cricket invented by the english: get their ass kicked by everybody else. whats next scottish golf champion? ROFLMFAO

  • I wish I had the trillest hot topic shirts and top hats that would attract all the ladies. I wish I would have more muscular arms to be able to beat up mainstream music artists. Does that satisfy hipster genie?

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    • *satisfied, throws in a smoking jacket, and a top hat to show copsatenticity*

  • Didn't I already answer this exact question about a month ago?

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    • I actually don't see your name on the original posting, so no... But I did ask it once before, and then made as some *very* subtle adjustments, and put it up to be featured...

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    • Mustang missed you, but in any event: yes, I asked this question once before

    • *musta

  • I wish I wasn't shy around opposite gender
    I wish I was more outgoing around opposite gender.
    On the other hand, turning into a Ken doll does not sound bad.

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  • Let me turn into any president at any time during all terms. Just so I don't have to go through all the work, then I'm able to take their place and pass laws and shit.

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    • How would that help you with your SO or the opposite sex in general?

    • I don't know, we'll cross that bridge when it comes

  • I wish I could see a HUD stat readout of needs and wants

    I wish I could generate WiFi

    Bonus joke! What do hipsters weigh themselves in?
    InstaGrams

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    • Hipster douchebag is pleased, and also gives you horn-rimmed glasses and a garish beanie *poof*

  • I wish i can last longer in bed, and i wish i can control my sperms fertility so i can do her without a condom and so i don't have to get a vasectomy to prevent pregnancy

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  • I would definitely choose D

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  • 1) The ability to smell what women are thinking

    2) An unlimited supply of pancakes

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  • It will be awsome to
    1 know what girls are thinking
    2 only release sperm when I tell it to so I can't get a girl pregnant accidentally

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  • 1. Telepathy.
    2. Shapeshifting.

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    • Ahh, the Zeus trick :D

    • *granted, plus a wood pipe, and a slouch hat to show that hipster-douchebag abides...*

  • 1) The ability to hear the thoughts of others (when they concern me). Hey, it would be helpful to know what I need to fix about myself.
    2) Less psoriasis? Don't think that's too mainstream.

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    • *grants selective automatic telepathy, and slightly less psoriasis, and throws in a pocket watch, and a kill-the-dance-floor t-shirt to show that he "gets it"

  • I wish for the ability to have my piercings be 200% attractive to all girls I find hot and that my fingertips send out small electric pulses that's girls nerves just right to feel amazing when I touch her

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    • Affecting their perception of your piercings breaks rule #3 *hotdoged*

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    • Nope, my second is still the impulse thing, the piercings have a built in heads up display that only I can see, all magical items that are part of someone must have some way for the human to monitor them after all

    • If you want the piercings to be part of it at all, then why not just have them (in the event there is more than one girl) automatically weed out the one who doesn't like piercings, and then automatically cater to whichever girl thereafter has the more similiar taste in piercings to your own?

      And what's with the electro-shock Kentucky-fry thing exactly?

  • I wish for fake boobs to be uninvented.

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    • That affects others *poor*..*hotdogged*

  • I would wish to be filthy rich and to be an inch taller.

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  • I wish that I was literally so attractive that people would die seeing me. I'd have to wear a bag over my head

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    • That barely sounds useful at all...

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    • Do I still smell like a hotdog?

    • *slightly...*

  • I wish to be g@g master

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    • Nonono, we're going for things that would *help*!

  • Wish for riches and health

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  • I wish I was 6'3 and could turn my sex drive on and off.

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  • Faster metabolism and amber eyes.

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  • I wish you wished you were here.

    That's it.

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    • *hotdogged*

    • ... but hipster douchebag relationship genie is flattered

  • Two wishes:

    Mind. Reading.

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    • Haven't you already got a mind, and the ability to read?

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    • Lol I have a feeling you have been dispensing that advice rather liberally over the past decade? :D

    • "Liberally" doesn't really cover it... hipster douchebag... is a douchebag...

  • I wish I knew the name and contact information of the girl I marry right now so I can get started on that instead of having to date around till I find her.

    I also wish for the ability to cook decent food. Because I cannot.

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  • I wish I new exactly where to touch girls. I guess it's on the shoulder? And her arms and hands?

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  • infinite wishes.

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    • *kendolled, then hotdogged*

  • 1: I wish I could have more willpower. More drive. I want to be able to do things, and not just lay around all day cause I'm either scared or don't want to do it. I can finally get a job, finally find a girl... Finally get something out of life.

    2: ... Just go back in your bottle. That's all I want.

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    • *goes back into his bottle and turns on reruns of Gilmore girls*...

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